F*ck Self Forgiveness

Self Forgivness is one of the hardest things we ever have to do, other then moving on. I think the real question is how can we move on if we don't forgive ourselves? We need to forgive ourselves for all the indiscretions of the past, all the heartbreak, all the times we held ourselves back and more importantly all the times we didn't treat ourselves the way we should be treated which is with love. Maya Angelou said it best "Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it"

That qoute while being spoken by one of the greats, is also very accurate. Let's take it back to when we're young maybe 6 years old. We don't know more then a typical 6 year old person is supposed to know. We don't need to know more then that yet. Let's fastforward 10 years. Being 16 is hard enough and there's still so much we don't know. See the point is we're constantly learning and evolving as people. When we make a mistake we need to forgive ourselves and understand that in that moment we thought we were making a mature and responsible decision. We thought we were doing the right thing. So if the decision we make didn't turn out positively we need to forgive ourselves and take it as a lesson. This also speaks to the fact that maybe sometimes we need to learn things the hard way so that the lesson is clear.

Why would someone forgive themselves? There are so many reasons. But the few that come to mind are that we need to do it to achieve inner peace and let go of all the negative energy inside our hearts. Lambasting yourself for making a choice is not healthy. In fact it could end up causing more harm then good.

Now the question becomes how does one forgive themselves? There are a few ways to do it but it's going to take time and won't be easy emotionally. You may want to give up from time to time. But in the end you'll have an amazing level of inner peace. So how does one forgive themselves?

First: Take responsibility. You have to own up to the choices you made especially if they ended up hurting someone else in the process. Let the other person and yourself know you take full accountability for what you did. And accept that you did what you did.

Second: Try and fix the situation. Maybe start by apologizing and having a discussion if you hurt someone. Sometimes they won't want you in their life anymore or they will. But an apology can go a long way.

Third: Don't avoid guilt. Of course you're going to feel bad. But you also have to understand the difference between shame and guilt. You shouldn't shame yourself for making a mistake. Don't tell yourself you're a bad person. You are not your mistakes. They are only what you did.

Fourth: Have empathy for more then yourself. If you don't how genuine would the forgiveness be?

Fifth: Remember the events and try very hard to not let them happen again. Now nobodies perfect and we all make mistakes. But we can do our best to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes again.

Sixth and lastly: Understand that you did what you thought was a good thing. Understand that you didn't know any better in that moment. It could've been due to lack of knowledge or some other factor. But I think understanding that will help you forgive yourself forever.