F%ck Healing

Healing is brutal isn't it? We get used to a certain situation and a certain routine and all of a sudden it's gone. All of the memories, moments are gone. It hurts, it f%cking hurts. You have to grapple with all these emotions and wanting things to be the same. But deep down you know that it was for the best. The situation had to end, it had to end for your highest good. It had to end so that you could become your best self. It doesn't hurt any less but you know it's true.

What are the five stages of healing? I get so many questions about that on my blog and podcast. The first stage is grief: This is when all the wounds are fresh, you feel broken beyond belief. You cry all the time and you don't want to get out of bed in the morning. It's really painful and it feels like it will never end. Your heart physically hurts and all you want to do is eat ice cream and throw chocolate at the romance movies you find yourself watching.

How long does it last? Could last days or months.

This leads to stage 2: Distractions. Keep busy, hang out with your friends. Laugh, and have a lot of fun. Learn to smile again. If you need a good cry, there's no shame in that. This leads to step 3:

Stepping out: This is when we start dating again and meeting new people. This is when we shamelessly flirt with people in grocery lines and you connect with new people. You laugh and feel okay for a little while. You still need to heal obviously but you're getting there. Flirting feels good, but you don't want anything serious obviously. Your heart is still healing. You can't jump into a new situation if you're not healed yet. This takes time. Which leads to stage 4: Breaking down.

This stage is painful. You start crying again. You feel like shit. And honestly it hurts like hell. All that work you did to heal feels like it's all going to waste. I promise you it's not! This is just a minor setback. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay. You'll feel better. Just need to be patient and understand that this is step in the process of healing. It's painful but it's a step. Don't worry though this leads right into Stage 5.

Stage 5 is finally understanding that it all had to happen for a reason. You had to go through all that pain and heartache to get to this place of contentment. You had to be cracked open like a walnut in order come back stronger than before. Or as Taylor swift would say Stronger than a 90's trend. You've been changed by all the heartache and you got through it. You got through every painful night and every tear. You got through every night you wanted to call them but didn't because you know it had to end. You know it wasn't healthy to continue. You got through every waking moment of jealousy seeing a happy couple and wanting to throw something at them. Why should they be happy if you're not, you probably thought to yourself.

This is all necessary and you'll understand that. You'll end up in a new situation and it will make you understand why it didn't work out in the past. You'll understand that no matter what you'll be okay. And nothing needed to go any differently. And most of all you'll be happy and at peace with life.