Excuse Me for a Minute...

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Could I have your attention, please? Thank you. I apologize for interrupting your dinners, but if you could give me a moment. As we have come into the restaurant and are about to sit at a table near you, I just wanted to introduce you to the three of us. Myself, my husband and our adult son, Tyler. He is the center of our world and perhaps you’d say our best representation of being human. He makes us look good and truly is my life’s passion.

Now you might notice a little awkwardness about my Tyler. The way he may look straight ahead or not at you when he walks by. Call it shyness. Or that he has Autism. At nineteen, he is a handsome young man, with one incredible smile and great hair (what an Afro!) Some experts say he has learning deficiencies. About that statement, I don’t think he’s deficient at all. He’s just being who he was designed to be: Tyler.

I recall when we went out as a family, which is frequently. The stares when he had a meltdown were so severe, that I used to have to carry a card with me. It read: Please excuse my son. He is special needs. If he is bothering you, just ask him to stop and he will. He just wants to be your friend. I hope that you will give him a smile, maybe a handshake or even a hug. He loves those. Thank you for your understanding.

It hurt me to feel like I needed to qualify the reason he belonged, but somehow having this little card made a difference. As if someone was reading my mind. And said, breathe and take in the peace of knowing we understand and want the people who may see you as strange to know you matter.

Unfortunately, the restaurant is really packed tonight, and I don’t have enough cards to go around. Only if more people could get to know the guy we do, they would smile much more than they do. Or say “hello”.

Now, you might notice during our dinner how he bobs his head sometimes, or even tries to stuff too much macaroni and cheese down at a time. Its okay, of course. You’ll likely see sauce from the hamburger and fries end up on his shirt a bit, despite everything my husband and me try to keep him all dapper and clean. And of course when he inhales those Sprites in record time, why do you stare at my husband who accompanies Tyler to the men’s room? My goodness, he is not a pedophile. He is a hero to me. He’s simply a caring Dad to a special needs person.

You know what. The staring is actually really rude, if you ask me.

I wish you could know the Tyler that I know. See how he loves to watch those snarky Garfield videos, or play Mario World on his Nintendo Switch like any other guy. I wish you could see this huge grin come across his lips as he smiles wide. Or when he lifts his fist to give me that knowing bump, just when my heart needs that obvious lift up. I wish you had seen how this little man has grown into a young innocent adult who is such a gifted person with technology. He can break any codes. I know because he hacked the password on my phone the other day, got on Xfinity and ordered a few Looney Tunes videos (or 100!). Or when he sneaks those midnight bowls of ice cream, then replaces the empty carton. Almost as if he’d never touched it. Then, when I ask him about it the next day, he just smiles that innocent smile and makes me forget that I wanted any of it. Let the kids eat ice cream!

I wish you could see how kind he is. How he hates it when he hears people scream or shout. That he thinks the best of the world, even when it may fail to meet expectations. How his eyes will tear up. He won’t say anything to make you stop. He just hates it. Because it shows the worst of us. You see, my Tyler feels things so deeply. He wants to help people be better, to use love. Listens to videos on relating to others or self -help. If only he could tell you that he wants to see people being kind, and families love one another. He wears a heart of love for mankind. He’s always ready with a big hug or even a kiss on the cheek when I ask him for it. This boy has more room in his heart than many of you might today.

I wish you could see how he spells almost anything. I mean this guy could be a spelling bee champion! Or how my Tyler loves You Tube channels and could recite all the lyrics of “Hamilton”. How he has this old soul about him in the choices of music he listens to. Stevie Wonder fan right here! How he embraces discovering brand new things and loves to spend time with his step-father who he calls “Buddy Jim.” Or often calls Dad, which brings a smile to my lips. He met Tyler at age 8, and has been nothing shy of his father figure and friend ever since. The way he is thrilled by exploring the world, or a couple of states, and has a traveler’s wanderlust attitude, just like me. How he gets all giddy when we go out, even to a mundane but much needed shopping excursion to Costco. I wish you personally knew the Tyler I know. And then you’d say hello each and every time you saw him. And consider him a close friend by now.

Now, I don’t want you to think parenting a special needs child is easy. If you’ve experienced this life at all, then you are part of this community. That has thought about your child belonging. It is even harder when that baby has grown into this adult in no time. Then you begin to wonder about what the future will bring as you know the reality of challenges as a neurodiverse person multiply and somehow stack up like an unending building block set. Like the time on the clock means so much more now that all of the on target milestones matter because they are late to some. Maybe those decision makers are giving up on him. But we will never and don't have that in our vocabulary. And where we are in a couple of years determines the potential of our son. Nothing is taken for granted, and all small wins are wins.

The truth is we live and breathe for the small victories. They keep us positive and moving forward. The moments when Tyler is writing his name and staying inside the lines. Or how he straightens up his outfit before leaving home, tongue tucked inside the shoe just so. And when he smiles this infectious grin when he gets the answer right or starts a conversation without being prompted. Just that burst of spontaneous energy that lets me know that he is here and will be successful in whatever he is meant to be. That there is always hope and we can turn the corner in daily improvements in his path to being a young man with purpose.

And the truth is he lives for his moments when he can be the star of the show. When the best of who he is comes shining through. When others take a look at him instead of what he cannot do, to admire what he can. How we all could learn more by valuing the small things. How he chooses to give others consideration for who they happen to be and loves them as they are. That he is such an empathetic person and wishes others would do the same.

Today, I want to introduce you to the passion of my life. My son. I want you to get to know how passionate, and committed I am about him. You know, every time you stare at him, he knows it. Every time you pull your kids back away from him, he feels how you may now want to interact, or refuse to be kind. He knows it. You might not try to be so overt. But the truth is we get that reaction more often than seldom. Just the other day, my son bent down to wave to a little girl who had smiled and waved at him. But when her mother saw it, she yanked her back. I want you to know how your reaction marks him. Makes him distrust you and what it means to be part of your world. That in some way, he has to become someone other than who he is. And that is just not good.

So tonight, I just want to introduce you to my Tyler. He is so much more than any of us could ever be. I can hardly wait to see what’s next. But the truth is he will never get there if you keep staring at us. Tonight, I just want you to eat your filet mignon or fish of the day and please forget you ever saw us. Just mind your own business. Ignore us, per usual. Let us eat in peace and we will let you enjoy your meal, too. Remember that Tyler is one of you, someone who has meaning and needs you to know his name. And that we never stared at you once, and accepted you before passing judgement.

Actually, instead of staring, why don’t you stop by the table and introduce yourself to Tyler. Make a new friend tonight. That way you can get the blessing of one of his wonderful smiles. Then maybe you will know how special my Tyler really is. Thank you. Forgive me for interrupting your dinner. Enjoy your evening.

We are part of a larger community of Autism Disorder Spectrum and Special Needs families who deserve to know that our kids are part of a world that needs them. That wants to engage them and help them live a more inclusive and less intolerant life. Your reaction can make Tyler smile today and realize a happier life in the community. We accept your idiosyncrasies, so please open your eyes to our world and lend a hand to assist young men like Tyler in finding and securing work and see the beauty of every unique person. Like snowflakes or fingerprints, we all are different!

An Inclusive Dream Business: Building A Sense of Purpose for Tyler

I have been in the social media and blogging space for over a decade now. That is hard for me to believe, but I began on Examiner.com and not even knowing what a Blog was. I only knew I wanted to write and my interests in fashion and beauty were at the heart of my daily life. Or the life that I felt a sense of joy in, as a mom of a teenage daughter as well. Those shopping trips with your bestie become some of the very best times, and can nurture a deep respect for one another as well as the things you both love. That pastime has become a part of my world now as a social media influencer and freelance blogger. It has allowed me to gain a marginal amount of success and reach out to companies from New York to the local Southern based department store. And gave me a voice as the beauty product junkie and Sephora bag collector to the fragrance afficionado and foodie with a wanderlust that won’t quit. And to have the chutzpah to begin my own blog site “The Vibrant Hueman”. There I could cull out a space to tout the things I love and write content that was curated and so me. And also add in human interest stories that involved Tyler and my Dad, two of my favorite men. This blend of writer and wanderlust with a passion for beauty and aesthetics became a very healthy place to develop things inside me that I needed to hold onto as a special needs parent who sometimes can forget to remember self-care. Gotta love yourself to love someone else, they say…

Soon, the entrepreneurial bug would bite. My love for fashion, beauty, and fragrance created an astonishing overflow of goods and nowhere to call home. Over time, I grew a small but mighty Ebay and Poshmark presence and sold things I once loved, and grew a strong sustainability ethic in my own closet. I really should thank the other Ebayers for giving my closet such incredible pieces! And quite affordable, too! It is more chic than thrift shop, and the ease of shopping online while making my closet better cannot be beat. Funny to say, but when I would eye those coveted treasures, my hubby would tell me that I have to sell something to buy something. So, this goal of knocking it out the park with sales was always in the back of my mind when it came to a new season and time to buy those amazing designer heels.

When I think of my son and his unique challenges to secure a future job and employment, especially in my current city and state, I know that the most lucrative and certain mode to use to promote his independence and skills for tomorrow is to create a pathway today. I am far from the only special needs or Autism Spectrum Disorder parent to realize this and find you are basically chartering a brand new bus without any map or pre laid pathway. So you just drive and find your way. I want his way to be a secure one that I shape to protect and insulate his potential as the rest of the world tends to forget those who don’t fit the mold of “typical” and are neurologically wired differently.

For years, I have had an idea in my head to begin my own business and use the creative skills I have crafted in content creation and social media and add my retail and resale experience to build a new consignment and resale site that is tailored to the wanderlust and wellness space. Tentatively known as “The Vibrant Hueman”. I would bring in a few well curated new products such as triple milled soaps and little whatnots from corners of the world and gourmet items to peruse while you choose to send in those luxe and gently worn items that have lost their shine and love. To truly offer a unique experience in shopping with a chance to sell things I think are must haves for any fashion forward and beauty conscious client, whether classic, trendy, street style, or boho. Whether gal or guy or them/they, he/she/her/him. All are welcome to enjoy whatever I have to offer, and my goal is to give something unique and amazing in the process. The way I love my clothing and want to see it get the maximum pay out is just the way I would treat the clients’ goods. I want to offer ease of trade, a super chic website, and a professional flair in every encounter. My personality is naturally to be that truly open- hearted people person, and that is so needed when you work in any service field.

I imagine that we could have Tyler assist in packaging these goods for customers and develop skills of attention to detail and fine motor skills. The way you send a package to another person shows how much you value your business and how much you value them!

I want to be a vehicle for change in how the world sees special needs persons. How my son could effectively be a model for my site and show off the men’s clothing selections. That Tyler is part of every win that I win. And goal that we set for this little business that could. The reason I always wanted to be someone was because of my children. To show them that you can dream big. And realize those dreams. That beginning something from home can be a very daunting process, but when you add the love of family and support and the funding source, it all becomes so much more doable!

I could see us adding a Beauty box of the month or a Fashion box with sustainable pieces and multiple size packages (inclusive of Plus sized fashionistas) and plans. To allow the client to build their experience in a very customizable manner and offer fresh picks that I will source from markets across the South and across social media sites such as Instagram. There will also be opportunity to feature Black- owned business created items and products as a Black-owned business myself.

The slogan for my shoppe would be “sell something to buy something”. Just the way my husband said. Your thriftiness and love for our planet will grow someone else’s closet and give my Tyler one amazing chance to be part of something more. It is far more lasting than a Chloe blouse, Dior dress, or Louboutins. It will change the way the disabled work one amazing proud spirit at a time.

The end result of my business plan in terms of growth and expansion may add a new flavor to the thrift store you are used to. With the goal of employing special needs adults and offering upscale clothing and accessories in a large retail space. With bright lighting, chic décor, wide selections, and easy to find organized racks and bins, you’ll find not only the designer goods that you crave but happy people finding their purpose. They will be those "Vibrant Huemans" that I always wanted my son to be. And maybe this store could be coming your way very soon… Stay tuned!