every three days

Saturday - March 27, 2021

The sunshine was so warm after such a cold week.

It brought so much peace to me, something I didn't know I needed until I went outside with no expectations at all to just enjoy and experience the surrounding life that exists around me constantly. There was such a beautiful moment where I realized that life is so beautiful and it is right before me. To look and see and feel is so important when it comes to my life and how I want to live it. It is probably harder than it sounds only because it is easier to say things than to do things, but getting outside as much as I can is so important especially when I really don't want to get out of bed and the process to even just wash my face feels like climbing a mountain. But altogether, today opened my eyes to the fact that I need to make it a special part of at least my week, if not daily. I'm gonna make it a priority for me.

Making connections like this, is such a powerful thing to do as I analyse the people and the world around me. Being there when a friend makes a connection that explains her life was incredible, I couldn't have been more excited. It's something that I am very happy she sees and is finally getting a view from other people's perspective instead of relying on herself as the only lens that she uses to examine situations.

Maybe it's that I spend too much time reading things from others perspectives and I always wanted her to be able to extend her lens, or maybe it's because I had been saying this conclusion for a long time, but it feels great to be back on the same page.

Even if the same page knocks me down a bit. I can get back up tomorrow.

Sunday - March 28, 2021

Today was:

Oddly stressful, yet incredibly relaxing.

It started when I saw someone who I love and support start to break themselves in order to build themselves back up. The morning was this breaking then building, and I feel I got caught in the middle of her hammer, whether that be when she was breaking or building I am not sure. I feel like the only way to describe it was difficult and incredibly inspiring.

There are so many things that I want to do to help, but they all seem to be getting in the way when it comes to helping my friend. Whether it's just trying to lighten a situation or assist when they are clearly struggling, there is no other way to go about it but to let them struggle and then listen to them destroy themselves over the things that you want nothing more than to help with when that person continuously denies your help. At least she knows I am here always.

It makes it difficult to spend time inspiring myself as well. I need my energy to increase over these next few weeks so, finding an outlet to rejuvenate myself needs to be a priority.

Monday - March 29, 2021

Why is it so hard to feel things sometimes. Today was like a never ending moment of dissociation.

It felt so hard to connect and everything felt a little robotic. Which is so unnatural for me. There were moments where time passed and I actually didn't feel it I wasn't here to experience that time. Other times it just felt like I had to drag time by the hand myself.

Luckily, by the end of the day I feel like I might have been able to reassociate at least a little better, but the work to continue this has just begun.