Entry #1

She sat with that creature again, the one who pops its gum too fucking loud. I don’t too much care for it. I don’t even know its name. How it managed to worm itself into a seat in psychology next to a living angel is beyond me.

But fuck that overly done up, coked out thing and its hubba bubba. It isn’t even important enough for the small space it was granted.

The girl gracing it with her presence, however, is worth every inch of this journal.

She was wearing the dress, a flowy, pastel pink number falling to her knees and slipping off her shoulders. Out of all the dresses she owns, this one is my favorite, mostly because she finds it ‘fun to spin in.' Nothing gives me more joy than watching her twirl like a child, sending the skirt flying. She has a honeyed heart and it shows in every movement.

She’s Ivy.

A mess of copper curls covering the better part of her face.

Big brown eyes, kind and warm enough to melt every organ inside of me.

Petal soft lips glazed red, a constant hand waving my lust over.

Supple skin disrupted only by a deep scar running from chin to collarbone.

Ivy… Ivy… Ivy.

I am yours in every way, yet you don’t even glance at me. You walk past me instead of running up to me and clinging to my side. You don’t blow kisses at me from down the hall, tearing yourself from being out of my sight so you can make it to the next class. You’re not laying beside me in the backyard, connecting the stars to draw pictures. You’re laughing and socializing with a bunch of droolers instead of me.

Ivy, I want your full attention. I want you to ignore everyone else and devote yourself to us because I’m the only one who truly sees you. It’s a bold claim, but it’s true. You put on this act, smiling through the idiocy and artifice your popularity brings you. You pretend to care for the shallow world these creatures thrive in, but all those times I’ve seen you suck your teeth or turn your head to hide an eye roll tell me the truth.

Everybody loves you, of course they do, but it’s a curse, isn’t it, darling?

You want to feel something real. I can give you something real.

Ivy, I want you to love me. I want you to love me more than I love you because it aches to want anything less. I want your obsession, your inner monster snapping at whatever tries to drive us a part. It’s not in your nature, but I want to rip it out of your soul.

Everyone’s capable of everything, so the ability to only want for me is within you, isn’t it?

Please, Ivy. Look only at me.

It hurts to dream sometimes.

I

My heart aches for hers to beat

Alongside it, bleeding in synch.

I feel alive in this love of mine.

Be alive with me.

Count on my inhale for your exhale

And I’ll do the same.

We’ll grow to rot without each other.

II

Tell me this world doesn’t please you

As it does with those demons you dance with.

Tell me you’ve had enough of this game

And wish for every real part of me.

III

My home is within your ribcage, darling,

And I’m weary of this freezing air.

Let me in and I’ll light the fireplace,

Keep it going until your warm,

Until those eyes are blazing,

Burning every hand but my own.

IV

Everything.

You are everything, sweet Ivy,

And I’m nothing but yours to keep.

V

Ivy.

Be my God.