Do you want to see me tonight?

Do you think you want to see me tonight?

In a small grey window, the words appear on my screen. My thumb towers over the send button. It was hesitating --unsure of the outcome and unsure if it was the right thing to do, but somehow it mustered up some courage and pressed on. My device chimed a tiny sound confirming its task. The message is sent.

Everything is a white screen now. It’s that moment before the roller coaster lunges from a heightened dive as the receptors in my mind realize what had just occurred. It freezes for what felt like an eternity before quickly thawing to those cliched high-pitched roller screams that becomes his voice flooding my momentary stillness.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says.

“I just want us to be friends, just like my other friends,” he says.

“I like you, but I just don’t see a future with you,” he says.

A stale long pause ensues and my eyes feel heavy. Tiny little tears start to form--only to be halted by a rush of rationality trying to soldier in. Gradually the voices become my own reminding me I don’t need him. I can do it by myself. Just like the song, I will survive. I know I can. I know I must. I will not be defeated. He’s obviously stupid and I obviously deserve better. I deserve better. Yea, that’s it. I deserve better. He doesn’t deserve me. I deserve better.

I turn towards my window. There are several people passing by and I realize how much I’ve achieved on my own. This is me. I did this by myself. I can do more on my own. I decide to prepare for work --whispering to myself, I will forget. I will move on.

But then he sends a message:

Sure, no one's here. Come over. Just remember we’re just friends and we’re just doing this as friends.

I am appalled.

“Just friends,” he says. The words bouncing and vibrating inside of me trying to build a defensive wall. I say to myself, “No, this is enough. We have to end this. This is not worth it. You deserve better, remember?”

I deserve better. Yea, that’s it. I deserve better than this. I grab my phone. ‘This is it.’ I say to myself. ‘This is the end, I will tell him goodbye and I will move on.’ So I begin to type thinking these thoughts and the words came out:

I’ll be right over.

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If you can relate to the story above, you're not alone. I think most of us have all been there and we've all have had that problematic relationship with someone with who we want to be with but isn't at all invested in us. I relay this story not to try to solve the problem, but to illustrate that you are not alone. The story is common enough and I believe that even the most confident woman out there falls into this trap (or maybe not).

I guess I would like to just put it out there that this situation arises. We can read or watch all those motivational coachings we can get from family, friends, and even online with the likes of Mathew Hussey, but I find that it still happens. This is my opening to creating this blog. I would like to relay to you what happened to me and what's still happening to me in the dating scene in the hopes that perhaps my story will somehow help another. I will make an entry of the origins of how I got to this point, but for now, I guess, I just want to see how many people are actually interested.