Do You Often Feel Very Lonely?

If you are feeling ‘very lonely’, it will be more difficult to attract love to you. A feeling of acute loneliness suggests we don't like our own company too much, we have no love to give, neither to ourselves or others, so we would have little to attract what we want. The Law of Attraction will only get us what we are giving, and if all we have to give is a feeling of isolation and unhappiness, it’s not possible to attract what we want.

We get genuine confidence, and what we seek, when we are satisfied with three main aspects of our lives:

Our feeling of Belonging: How are we treated by parents, friends, lovers, associates. If that is good, we are halfway to feeling good about ourselves, and confident in who we are. Is there a key relationship that is not going well for you? How valued and appreciated do you feel by those who matter to you?

Our sense of Achievement: How we feel about what we have achieved so far. Are you happy with your efforts, and what you have done? Or is there a sense of frustration in wanting to prove yourself? Do you feel really pleased with your accomplishments, feeling confident in your capabilities, or are you plagued by doubts?

Finally, Self-Acceptance: This decides our self-esteem. Are you happy with yourself? Do you love your body, and who you are? How much do you truly appreciate and value YOU as a unique and awesome person?

Those are the aspects of life that define the amount of confidence and self-love we possess. If there is any nagging insecurity, anxiety, frustration, dissatisfaction, or fear around any of them, your feeling of happiness and satisfaction will be affected, no matter how you feel outwardly at any given time.

So which one of them is out of sync for you?

If you cannot give yourself the love you deserve, you probably need to stop finding fault with yourself; stop seeking perfection (otherwise potential dates will shy away as your expectations might seem too much for them to fulfil); stop beating yourself up when things don't go as expected; and stop expecting others to supply the love you should already be giving to yourself, through self-value and self-appreciation. The bottom line is that people cannot love what you yourself don't like!

So start liking your own company, start appreciating you, start identifying your strengths and minimising your weaknesses; start appreciating your talents and who you are so that you are truly happy in yourself, and can take love or leave it. Look outwards to others, like volunteering for some activity to make a difference to them, or take up a hobby to share with new people. One day when you are not looking, because you feel good enough to take a date or leave them, love will find you!

I’ll share something personal on this subject. For eight years my current illness was very bad. I couldn't work or do anything of substance as I never knew which day I would have any energy. Thankfully, I loved my own company and wrote instead. I used websites to at least provide some dating company, but, despite many dates, did not find the person I wanted. Then I decided to start a meet up group arranging events for others. This meant I could also attend events when I felt up to it, while helping others to stem their loneliness by getting out of their houses. The club grew rapidly to over 300 members. I was enjoying it so much, it began to have a positive effect on my illness, and I no longer noticed the time, or felt sorry for myself.

Then over a year later, when I wasn’t even looking for anyone, in he walked to attend an event. A guy who just bowled me over, though I wasn’t sure the feeling was mutual. Well, I needn’t have worried, as he gradually revealed his attraction to me. Funny enough, he wondered about the same thing, mainly because he didn't think the club organiser would be interested in him! We celebrated eight years together last November, and I cannot see this finishing anytime soon. We are so happy together, and often marvel at our first impressions of each other.

There were lots of lessons during that troubling period, and I hope I am still learning them all! The main one appeared to be: while I was focusing on the wellbeing of others, someone was looking after my wellbeing, too! In effect, I learnt to love myself first and enjoy my own company, and then someone else wanted to enjoy it as well!

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