Detectives, Jesus, and Jay Z

The two detectives practically raced to the patrol car, not because of an emergency, but because Detective Lisa Chavez was in the middle of a crazy story. Detective Johnson was transferred two months after it all went down. They tried to buckle up quickly but the excitement was causing the affair to last several seconds.

“Aww, eff it,” Johnson said giving up.

He typed the address into the computer.

“I know the way,” Lisa said sarcastically.

Johnson put the pedal to the metal, the tires screeching so loud they received an audience to their exit from the grand, newly remodeled, parking lot.

“So that’s how you met your husband? But then, okay wait, you didn’t buy Jeanine’s house? And why would she be accused of murder? And why does Lily have the mini-safe?”

He finally got his seatbelt to buckle and took a long sip out of his metal eco-friendly water bottle.

“Now I see why my wife is addicted to Novellas.”

“You can’t beat a good Spanish soap. Over-the-top stories, bad lighting, dramatic costumes, coated-on makeup, what’s not to love?”

After they stopped laughing, and Johnson wiped a tear from his eye, he spun his hand round and round motioning her to finish her thought.

“Where was I?”

“Jeanine and her house…” he answered impatiently.

“Yes, and don’t get all snippy with me. I said we had time for you to finish your breakfast sandwich. Jeanine would run Christian camps from her house. She actually got churches from all over the city to participate so that’s how I met Art. He was Methodist, I was Baptist…”

Johnson interrupted, “Well, we can’t all be perfect.” As a fellow Baptist, he held his hand up for a high-five, which Lisa gleefully slapped.

“I know, right?” She went on. “So that’s how I met him at such a young age. Jeanine and her husband, Mitch, became real close friends with my family. She was practically the grandma I never had cuz both of mine had died before I turned five. She made the scriptures come to life, but not in a preachy sort of way. She lived it. She would protest in the street for the homeless, the war on drugs, gay rights before it became a ‘thing’, gave a lot of her possessions away, and she built the camp across town by fundraising for five whole years. Have you been to the far east end of town yet?”

Johnson shook his head no.

“After we stop at Lily’s, I’ll show you the retreat house, chapel, and rec center she built in record time with the help of the entire community, atheists and believers side by side. Her husband and I put up the fence. The summer before I went into High School, my future husband moved to town, joined his youth group, and helped me paint said fence. If we were only eight years older, it could’ve been the plot of a rom-com.”

“Or a Novella,” Johnson said raising his eyebrows up and down.

“Nah. My dad didn’t let me wear makeup ‘til I was 17 and there was absolutely no hanky-panky ‘til after the wedding.” She looked at Johnson and slapped his right arm.

“What? I didn’t say anything!”

“You were thinking it.” He didn’t argue and shrugged. Lisa continued.

“You know what I absolutely loved about her? I mean apart from going over her house after school almost every day, baking, taking trips to amusement parks, and preparing the retreat house for events. She made it understood how important each of us were in Gods’ plan. She encouraged us, young and old, to not just read the scriptures, but to live them. She is the bravest, kindest, strongest person I have ever known. She’s the main reason I became a cop. ‘God needs us everywhere, just like he sent the disciples out,’ she would say. ‘He needs people to flip burgers, teach, become artists, doctors, nurses, not just missionaries and preachers. Don’t be afraid to get out there…’”

Lisa choked up so Johnson lightly touched her, which quickly turned into a tight squeeze as he took another right turn at a dangerously high speed.

“I’m good. Then a little over a year and a half ago, her husband, Mitch, suddenly passed away. The whole town made the funeral look like a Christian rock concert. We held it on the grounds behind the retreat house. Thousands were there; totally awesome.”

“They sound like legends.”

“They were. I’m kinda bummed you weren’t transferred here sooner.”

“Where does the lawsuit fit in?”

“Listen to this…someone accused Jeanine of murdering her husband and some wannabe lawyers got together to work pro-bono so they can prove all Christians are hypocrites. They actually said that in an interview. What ‘you -know-what’ holes. They were trying to have Mitch’s body exhumed but Judge Dillon said it would be over his dead body. You know they found four shop owners in the county willing to testify they saw her purchasing arsenic? We’re almost to Lily’s but suffice it to say the jury was heavily prejudiced. She was declared innocent, put her house up for sale, went to the St. Lucia mountains for a four- month-long silent retreat, came back, grabbed her stuff, and disappeared.”

Johnson gasped. “Oh my god, I can’t.”

“I know, right? And to top it all off, I didn’t even get to say an appropriate goodbye.”

They remained quiet until Johnson slammed the breaks in front of Lily’s house, which happened to be Jeanine’s old house. They exited the car, shut their doors, and faced each other over the roof of the vehicle.

“You know I was this close to purchasing Jeanine’s home. Art was on board but then we came to our senses. What would we do with a house this big when our twins just went off to the Army? It was tough but, in the end…” she let the sentence fade and sighed.

He walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

“Being practical wins every time. Sometimes it sucks being an adult…well, except for the gun thing. Huh, Dirty Harry Junior?” he said as he softly petted his side arm.

Lisa nodded in agreement.

“Exactly what did Lily tell you over the phone?”

They walked up the stone path towards the door.

“She said she finally unpacked her fancy plates and silverware and when she opened the middle drawer of the built-in hutch, she found a mini-safe box with my name etched into the top of it. It kinda freaked her out cuz she said as soon as she placed it on her dining table, she felt a quote/unquote ‘presence in the room’ and she quote/unquote ‘thought she smelled Mitch’s aftershave all around her.’”

Lisa rang the doorbell. Johnson tried to block the button but it was too late.

“What the…? I’m not going in there if there’s a ghost. No way in he…”

Lily frantically opened the door.

“Hi Lisa. Detective Johnson. Go get it and if you want, you can open it outside. It was nice to see you.”

The detectives laughed as they tried to keep up with her pace to the living room. Lily motioned to the box so Lisa picked it up with the two of them on either side.

“I was kidding but not kidding,” Lily looked around uncomfortably. “Maybe you should’ve purchased the house. You practically lived here.”

“Don’t remind me,” Lisa said wearily as she stared at the hole of the lock.

“How you gonna open it?” Johnson wondered aloud. He looked at Lily.

“Was there a key?” She shook her head no.

“Hmmmm…” Lisa mused to herself. She stared off for a moment and then slowly pulled her necklace out from under her blouse.

“With this,” she said showing her companions a tiny key hanging next to her silver cross. “Jeanine gave this to me after the trial before she went on retreat. I, I,” she stumbled, “I thought it was a message like ‘here’s the key to the kingdom’, or ‘let Chris unlock the door to your heart,’ you know, something profound…”

“Not literal, huh?” Johnson asked faking a smile.

“Let’s see,” Lily spurred her on wide-eyed, forgetting it was she, who moments earlier, suggested the duo take the box and scram.

“Here’s nothing,” Lisa said sticking her key into the hole. She turned it ever so slightly when a loud click, too loud for the size of the safe, registered her official entry. They gasped in unison as their eyes locked on a stack of cash with a post-it on top that read: Dear Lisa, live a little! Lisa slowly handed the cash to Lily who counted it as if she were an experienced bank teller.

“Oh my gosh! It’s twenty-thousand dollars! Oh my gosh!”

Lisa’s eyes locked on the next item, a DVD. She started to hand it to Johnson but his eager hands met her more than half-way.

“What movie is it?” Lily inquired.

“It’s a copy of Double Jeopardy starring Ashley Judd. The movie wasn’t that good.” Johnson made what Lisa would describe as his ‘Sherlock Holmes face,’ as he shook his head back and forth. As Lisa tried to form words, she could feel her lips freezing in place. Her throat became dry.

Lily was confused. “What is that supposed to mean? And what’s that?” She pointed to the last item in the box: a small black notebook.

Lisa, a look of torture and reluctance on her face, picked up the notebook like it was covered in pigeon poop, and placed it on the unlucky table. She took a long breath and slowly exhaled.

“Open it,” Johnson and Lily whispered in unison making chills run up Lisa’s spine. Maybe there was a presence in the house after all. Mustering up some courage Lisa roughly grabbed the hard cover of the small black notebook and flung it open. Johnson and Lily covered their faces, frustrating, and further frightening, the female detective.

“Stop it you guys!” She pulled Johnson’s elbow down so he would uncover his eyes. He fought her a bit and then gave in.

“It’s all right Lily,” he assured her without even looking at the page.

“It’s a list of, of monies received,” Lisa replied in part relief. “Umm, 549,999 for the house, 250,000 insurance + 375,000 insurance, 20,000 both cars, 99,000 land on Elm, 50,000 Silver.”

“That’s it?” Lily and Johnson said together as if they had been practicing for weeks.

“Stop doing that!” Lisa yelled shaking still thinking about the DVD.

“Are you sure?” Johnson lifted the page up a bit but Lisa pulled it out of his hand. She flipped the page over and stared at the contents on the other side. Since she refused to move, or breathe, Lily slowly slid the black notebook over to herself and licked her lips.

“Dear Lisa, you don’t have to be so darn good all of the time. As the wise Jay Z said, ‘We be big pimpin’, spendin’ cheese, we be big pimpin’ on B-L-A-D’s, we be big pimpin down in P.A.T., it’s just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N-B.’ Love you like a granddaughter, J.” She closed the book and handed it to Lisa.

The three stood in silence with Johnson clutching the movie, Lily the cash, and Lisa the notebook. Finally, a neighborhood dogs’ aggressive barking broke their silent spell.

Lisa looked up and pulled her shoulders back. “I did not peg her as a Jay Z fan.”