Defining and combating toxic masculinity

One of my few and far in between controversial articles, so be prepared everyone. I feel like words have lost their power, impact, and importance. Which is strange to me, because in the age of the internet where what you say is permanent. We should be more thoughtful and aware of what we say and when. And I'm not talking about political correctness, censorship, or anything like that. I am however talking about toxic masculinity. Definitely a hot button topic, and honestly rightfully so. We should always aim to be better and learn from not only our mistakes but the mistakes of past generations. Which of course applies to all aspects of life; health, politics, parenting, everything in our society.

So what do words and toxic masculintiy have to do with one another? I believe and acknowledge toxic masculinity is very much a real problem and we need to address it. But I want to address it without just adding more fuel to the fire and shaming someone for their sex assigned at birth. But I also feel like toxic masculinity is never properly defined. Sure there's the obvious of people who are being jerks and bullies and they deserve to be called out. But I never hear anyone exactly define toxic masculinity, and until we do so we can't fix the problem. How I define toxic masculinity is taking inherit (but not exclusively) masculine traits, and corrupting them for selfish gain.

Growing up I was taught to be a man, you need to be; strong, confident, brave, and courageous. I agree with this immensely and I feel like this will directly help combat toxic masculinity. Let me explain.

Strength does not always just mean physical strength. Strength applies to mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual strength. But do not confuse strong with powerful. Power CAN be used for good, but more often than not power does more harm than good. Aiming to be powerful inevitably leads to corruption, Absolute power corrupts absolutely. A strong man will always use his strength for the benefit of his fellows humans. Of course physically protecting his loved ones and his friends and family from harm. An emotionally strong man will both have the capacity to understand and embrace his feelings, but also have no problem being vulnerable and ask for help when need be. Emotional strength can also be shown externally, being able be strong for others and maintain hope when times get tough. Strong men do not oppress, powerful men always have and always will.

Confidence, be confident in your decisions, confident in yourself, and above all else be confident in others. But do not arrogant. A confident man knows himself, trusts his gut, but is also always open to the advice of others. A confident man will stand his ground and stick to his values in the face of adversity. An arrogant man is none of these qualities and will do nothing listed above, if you contradict an arrogant man in any way he'll just double down and make the situation worse.

Be brave and courageous, but not brash. Again courage and bravery is both internal and external. Tangible and intangible threats are faced on a daily basis. As people like to say "life/time is undefeated", Rocky once said "Nobody hits harder than life". The human experience at times can be incredible, exciting, wonderful, fun, and all these positive things. Yet, weirdly contradictory; life can be scary, frightening, overwhelming, and uncertain. Which is why you need to be brave and courageous. Fight, have hope, inspire hope, learn, take calculated risks. Don't live your life in fear. Being brave and courageous will always be used for good. Being brash will only ever do more harm than good. Brashness leads to poor decision making, arrogance, ignorance, and so many other negative possibilities. So please, I implore young men not to confuse the two.

I feel like this was important to discuss, because toxic masculinity is such a hot button topic without a genuine solution provided by both sides of the coin. Those whose hearts are in the right place and want to see change, but don't understand change has to come from within and this can't be solved by fighting fire with fire. And those who are toxic, but fail to realize and in doing so when they are called out end up doubling down instead of looking inward to see where and how they can change. I feel like being able to accurately describe the problem is how we can make change. So please, teach your kids the importance of words and guide them without ever shaming them. But also don't ever hesitate to point out when they've crossed the fine line, so they can correct their behavior and in turn hopefully make the world a better place. Those were just a few examples, but please feel free to comment more.

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