Dear us,

Dear us,

I don't know if you'll ever get to read this or what will happen, but when your world comes crashing down, it's hard not to over analyse everything like we usually do. How did we get here again? The question I have been asking myself for quite some time now.

Vulnerable, I decided to call you out and put my heart on a silver plate, only this time I'm giving it to you freely to shatter it in the same pieces you glued together when we met, but deep down hoping you'll choose not to not like the last guy. Only time will tell they say, a lot of things they say you know, but it is never easy when it is you in the situation. It took everything to speak out, avoiding it for weeks, trying to find you every excuse that my mind could come up with, but the more I thought of my feelings, the more I looked in the mirror, the more I realised I deserved better than feeling trapped like this, we deserved our truth no matter how hard that it. But then it’s not easy, but somehow I want to be able to say that I did everything I could and that if you can’t choose me, then I am going to choose me even with a broken heart.

Waking up this morning, I didn't know what to feel or how to act, knowing what we both know now, how do you go about it is the million dollar question. I played my cards, I showed my face, I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and despite the hurting, my heart is hurting more seeing you like this than hurting at the thought that we might be done. We are both good people that for the last months tried everything not to hurt the other person, but I think in the process we lost ourselves to our fears of disappointment and failing the other person.

I told myself not to cry, but a cheeky tear or two rebelled away anyway. There's always two sides to every story, two hearts awaiting the final result, one person that loves too much no matter what, fears and silence. Tell me how to act and feel when everything is up in the air. It’s a game of cat and mouse, but instead of chasing each other, it’s avoiding each conversation. I am not sure anymore if we are meant to act the same or differently and will we continue to push each other or will we finally end it all.

A smile later, I am feeling more hopeful, but I don’t know if I can trust my feelings lately. I have moments when I think I am reading the situation right, but then there is that gut feeling at times that maybe, and just maybe, not. I am not going to lie, it is strange watching us do this dance, watching us slowly falling apart, slowly breaking up. I want to scream please don’t make it end, please give us a shot, but how can I do that without guilt tripping you, without manipulating your thoughts and heart into doing something that might not be good for you.

Dear us, we need an answer, but I am afraid I don't want to hear it yet. Baby it used to be us, but for a while now I feel it is just me and you. What will tomorrow bring is a mystery i'm not looking forward to figure out.

With love,

A heart wanting to change the awaited end