Dear New Year

In my early thirties, amid a successful stint in corporate America, I set my sights on retirement. Don't misunderstand. I was doing well, whatever that means. I was steadily progressing up the corporate ladder with increasing responsibilities, promotions, honors accolades; however, you describe "doing well," I was achieving it. But for me, success equaled misery. Wait. What? Yes, you read that correctly. Misery. I was miserable, frustrated, angry, disappointed, fatigued, and disillusioned. I knew without a shadow of a doubt. I was not going to remain in that environment until I was sixty-five plus years old. And to be clear, it wasn't the job; it was the environment. It was an endless competition for resources, navigating relationships with toxic people. Fighting the racism of low expectations and shock when you achieved something. ( You are SO articulate!) Throw in some patriarchy and misogyny, and it was a recipe for endless days of trying not to drive off of a cliff.

So I made a decision. I would retire in my early fifties. I would gut out the next twenty years and bank all of the cash I could through saving and investing and my particular favorite- equity mortgage payments. And I did. I maxed out my 401k, and once I got out of debt, I never spent a bonus or social security refund check. I banked all of it. And then came the year I had been waiting for...2020.

I don't usually get excited about new years. Nothing changes from the 31st to the 1st anyway. But that year was poised to be different. I was set to retire in June. I had already settled on my post-retirement profession, audiobook narration, and I had created a sweet home studio set up. The income derived from narrating books, coupled with my pension, would set me up nicely until I reached the age where I could begin to tap my retirement savings. I. Was. All. Set. And then it happened. The great plague. Covid- 19 and the quarantine. What should have been a celebration quickly turned into an unimaginable nightmare as I watched my country stumble through managing the crisis. People began to die. People I knew and hundreds of thousands more that I did not. The suffering was more than I could bear some days, and I struggled to appreciate that I had just accomplished a personal goal that was 26 years in the making. I should have been buoyant, but I was laden down with grief.

Now, I am an extremely introverted person, so I didn't struggle with sheltering in place the way some folks did. It wasn't that much different from how I spend most of my weekends anyway. So I decided to take advantage of the fact that no one was looking for me, and I focused on my health. ( Did I mention that I also sold a house, bought a home, and moved to a new city? Yeah, 2020 had a lot going on.) I discovered YouTube in a way that I never had before. I always just thought it was a cool place to see comedy clips and TED talks. I learned that there were health experts, nutrition experts, and self-proclaimed diet experts ( although they always take great care to tell you," I am not a doctor... I am just sharing what worked for me"). I educated myself on the science of nutrition and exercise and began to apply what I learned. By December 31, 2020, I had lost 106 pounds. Yay Me!

So now it is the new year. My office and recording booth are in my now heated garage. My new house is starting to feel like "home." My dogs and I are enjoying Fredericksburg, Virginia's relatively mild climate and the many hiking trails and parks available to us. I am asking myself, what is next? What do I need? I have decided that what I need is for 2021 to come in and sit down and act like it has some decency and common sense. Here is my letter to 2021.

Dear 2021:

How are you doing, man? (Yes, I have decided it is a man for many reasons which I will explain in another post) Grab a bulletproof coffee and have a seat. I need to talk to you about some things. First, if we could dial back on the death and calamity just a bit, that would be great. I know there will always be a certain amount of pain and grief in life, but even you have to admit your cousin 2020 overdid it a little bit. Yes? Cool. Second, can you take us back to a time where our lives did not consist of " all politics all of the time?" I miss watching the news and late-night talk shows. I miss being able to have conversations with people that didn't involve me wanting to pluck out my eyes with my own hands because suddenly everyone is a political scientist. And third, while you are at it, can you reinstate the policy that not everyone has to have an opinion about everything all of the time? Remember, when we used to just say, "Well, bless your heart." and keep it moving? Let's get back to that, shall we? Lastly, I need to see the ocean again. So if you could bring back safe travel, I would appreciate it. I am retired now, and I am supposed to be sitting on the beach, listening to the waves, without checking my phone or wondering who is sabotaging me back at the office. Because my office is at home now, and my two Boston Terriers are rooting for me to succeed because... pig ears.

Ok. That's it. Thanks, Man. 2021 will be the first year in two decades that I have not been driving toward a goal, and I could use some peace and tranquility to plan my next moves. I know you will be tempted to throw some crazy stuff out there, just for fun. Trust me. We can't take anymore.

Peace,

Machelle D. Williams