Dear June Self

Dear June Self,

I know you dream of taking your dogs to the park and drinking in the sun without a care in the world. I know you dream of losing yourself in a canvas dumping all the feels and ideas that are stuck inside of you with no other way to escape. You dream of creating art with the people that make your heart feel at ease. I know you dream of cleaning and organizing your space to be a delightful and serene sanctuary for days that aren't so easy. I know these dreams turn into desperation and despair knowing how far away the gentleness of life is.

But I ask you to try.

Try to take the tiny steps. Commit to taking as many breaks as possible at work dancing around outside in the spring breeze and losing yourself even if it is only for a moment or two. I ask you to make your favorite meals to give yourself joy in each bite when your day drags on. I ask you to do the face cleaning routine that washes away the exhaustion of the day and refreshes your cute little face cells encouraging you to look at yourself in the mirror with delight and awe.

I ask you to step into your 30th year with love, affection, and awe of yourself attracting in abundance of love, travel, day trips, afternoon adventures, morning walks, and forgiveness when your body doesn't move the way you wish it would. I ask you to make that acupuncture appointment and that nail appointment treating your body as a work of art to be loved and cared for. I ask you to step into your creativity and take the scary leap to design, build, and draw like you have nothing to lose. I ask you to allow people to fall in love with your words and dive into the colors that are fighting to escape your fearful cage of a brain.

I beg you to move your body in ways that bring a smile to your organs and let go of the days that brought you so so much pain. I beg you to go on at least one picnic, one camping trip, one swimming adventure, and one drive in theater.

I beg you to continue your reading journey and talk about it with anyone that will listen. YOUR IDEAS AND OPINIONS MATTER. Scream them into a void if you have to but I beg you to stop keeping everything inside. I swear you are going to explode and it will be even worse than the last time. YOUR IDEAS AND OPINIONS MATTER. Even if they only matter to the trees and the wind, they still matter. Release them from your terrified grip and share your thoughts and questions.

I hope for you that this birthday is the best one yet, yes even better than the best 9th birthday you've ever had. I hope you are hugged with love, financial stability, fun and adventure. And I hope for you that you are strong enough to receive it. I hope that you are able to make every bill that comes your way.

I look forward to you taking your barriers and disability seriously. I look forward to you finding ways to prosper though this world would rather you suffered. I look forward to you finally speaking up for yourself and saying no, this doesn't have to be like this anymore. I look forward to you letting go of unnecessary agony and allowing life's inevitable punches be all that breaks you down.

I don't say this enough but I love you, I am proud of you, I forgive you, and I can't wait to take this month on. Let's create, make money moves, embrace the wins, and only grow from here.