Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce can be seriously overwhelming! There is a good chance that you haven’t dated in several years (or even longer)! It may have been multiple years since you even thought about going out with someone new.

That being said, there are some rules that you should follow as you embark on this new adventure: dating after divorce.

Make sure that you are ready! There is nothing worse than trying to date before you are ready. You need to take time to grieve the end of your marriage and the way that you imagined your life. If you are really ready, you have examined what went wrong in your marriage so that you don’t make the same mistakes over and over again.

Don’t be in a hurry. Too many people rush into dating as soon as they are divorced (or even before). Even worse, instead of casually dating, they find themselves in a rebound relationship within months (or even weeks)!

This can be bad because it doesn’t give you time to deal with your feelings and emotions. Instead, you find yourself living in a new fairy tale, with your new partner. However, you may find yourself even more devastated when it ends (which it will be because you rushed into it).

Don’t overwrite the opposite sex. Too many people are angry after their divorce and feel like all men (or women) are bad and out to hurt them. However, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are many good men and women out there. You just need to find them.

That doesn’t mean that you should go crazy dating. Some people find themselves dating anyone who looks interesting, which can be really hard for someone who is just coming out of a long-term relationship. Dating multiple people has plenty of challenges, especially if you have young children or limited time for dating.

Put yourself out there to meet people. Online dating has become the norm, though it doesn’t have to be. You could meet people at your local bar, or even when you are taking your dog for a walk.

Interested in trying something new? Take a class or two. You might find someone with the same interests, which could lead to a healthy relationship.

Don’t be afraid to ask your friends. Your friends know you best so they might really know someone who could be perfect for you! Even if they don’t, hanging out with your friends might be a good way for you to meet someone. If you aren't alone, you might feel willing to stick your neck out to introduce yourself to someone!

When you do start dating, be honest and open about your experiences. Though you don’t need to talk about your ex during your date, you must let your partner know you were married if the subject comes up. That should be plenty.

You don’t want to spend all of your time talking about everything that happened in your marriage. That is a big turn-off. Don’t be afraid to answer any questions, but try to steer the conversation in another direction.

Trust your gut. You should always trust your gut if you aren’t feeling it. If something feels off, you need to walk away. You should never ignore these bad feelings.

It can be hard to put yourself out in the dating game, especially if you haven’t had a first date in ten or more years! However, after you give yourself plenty of time to grieve and examine what went wrong, you should be able to give it a whirl!

Though many people rush back into dating, they aren’t ready and end up talking about their ex or jumping into a rebound relationship. Some date multiple people even if they don’t have time. Instead, you should take your time and put yourself out there. You might even meet someone when you are walking your dog, or you are out having fun with friends! That being said, you should always trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, you need to get yourself out of there.

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Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.