Darkness Will Find a Way to Shine: A Response/Thought Process

It's rather nerving that the state of the world gets further and further out of the control, without anyone having the means or the strength to do anything about it. No one has the ability to revert things to goodness and peace, and as you get enveloped into this as our way of life, you may even stop and think, "if someone could, would they?" and you shudder because you can't say for sure. Not based on how the world is spinning.

No lie, it's terrifying.

It surely seems at times that a man who got ahold of every last grain of rice in this world would refuse to share it to the people who starve even if that means they die before his eyes. It seems like the one with money stacked up to the ceilings of their mansions would shred it before giving it away, or flush it down their toilet before one could request a quarter. It seems like one could pluck out every house from beneath a family's feet, and laugh as they walk barefoot in the cold, snuggled up into each other for a warmth that no longer exists among any of them as they slowly turn to ice.

It's simply how the world works. Tribulation is, and we've noticed, as much as we don't want to. We've all been there -- trying so painfully hard to avoid the insanity of our surroundings, pretending that we are actually capable of blocking it out and acting as if it isn't there. Such efforts may even succeed enough for us to put ourselves to sleep for the night, but the morning comes and it seeps back in again just like that, without permission. In the beginning, it's a genuine terror from the sickening story on the news, and in the end, it's a complete and utter refusal to turn it on, to know what's coming next.

Grown up and expected to navigate the world like adults, it's an instinct to stay tucked into our beds and insist our closets are checked for monsters. Now we know they are real. They are, and they aren't figments of the imagination. They're roaming out there somewhere, or possibly here, since at this point, our lives are always, always on the line. So we consider the question differently: "if I could, would I?"

If I could revert the world back to goodness and peace, would the world without a doubt be good and peaceful right now? Would we be looking at heaven on earth? Would we be staring Paradise right in its very own pupil?

I'd like to say I would. I would hope people would feel the same as me, but for many, it's not that straightforward. None of us are saints, not really, and there's a flaw within each and everyone of us that we probably don't want to address, because understandably, it's not easy to.

That's okay, but how well can we be advocates of peace if we are contributing to the chaos? Because, in our world, and in our history, it was a part of humanity that caused a mother to say, "he is the best husband in this world until a needle hits his vein" or "he's the most loving person I've ever met in my lifetime until a bottle reaches his lips". It's a part of humanity that caused a father to say, "she and our children were the ones I treasured the most, but after what she calls a 'drunken mistake' we live as a broken family". It's a part of humanity that unwelcomely rants at one of a different skin tone to return to their home country, when they were born ten minutes down the street. It's a part of humanity that did wrong in the dark, and who tried to drown it into the depths of the seas, only for it to eventually shoot up to the surface.

"But," someone says, "it's people like these that need goodness most of all," and that could very well be true. Smoothing such pain and agony over by some miracle could be what leads to a breakthrough, and yet that still doesn't change that humans are a creature of mistakes. Sometimes they make the most evil mistakes of all, and nothing can properly describe the loss that came out of it.

Vietnam, 1968. With the introduction of Agent Orange, over 2 million people were reported to have cancer or some type of disease. Mines and boobytraps killed 20. Soldiers were losing their minds left and right. In an innocent village, 504 people were slaughtered, more than half of them being women and children, and Calley, convicted for 22 of the murders had come out of that craziness without a single drop of regret as those were simply "orders" that he was required to follow through with, regardless of the innocence, and with certainty that he wouldn't have gone about it any other way if he were to back-track on his steps.

Colorado, 1999. 30 explosive devices are found at Columbine High School. 15 victims passed away after a meticulously planned event. Journals are left behind by the two shooters, one expressing a sadness and the feeling of being unloved, while the other is full of hatred and anger, and all that could be done was to make people aware of the signs a teen may possess before they dribble themselves into violence, something that most of us must not have figured out yet, as similar events continue to arise both in Uvalde and in Parkland, and many, many more that we fail to hear about the more common and normal it becomes everywhere we look. Apparently, nobody is safe anywhere, whether they want to have a good time out at a club, a bar, or a festival, they need to run errands at a grocery store or laundry mat, or they want to be free to worship. All of these locations can be dangerous.

Xinjiang, today. Taking after the sickening occurrences during the time of the Nazis, whose silence were proof of their deaths after their long, long shrieks from the abuse, representatives of China have outright denied the abuse and imprisonment of minorities in the area despite clear video footage. Many people have been physically stripped of their right to bear children without their consent through sterilization surgery, causing a severe dip in birth rates and thus the population.

Are the ones causing these scenarios deserving of peace? Is it not true that are as much part of humanity as we are, no matter how we look at it? Is it not true that whoever we are, or wherever we are from, there will always be some kind of evil and selfishness surrounding us? Some sort of contribution to the hurt, suffering, pain and sadness?

By now, we're tired of it. I frolic among the little things because that's all it takes to make me happy. It's as if everything that's the slightest bit positive is good news, and the divine is making some sort of attempt to console me. I admire my ability to see reds, oranges and yellows and greens. I expand my music horizons, and find happiness in keeping it to myself because I can call something mine, like a cave I can escape to wherever I may be. I try new kinds of foods from cultures I've barely heard about before, and revert back to my favorites when I'm not feeling as adventurous. I ponder on how blessed I am to have senses and the ability to navigate the world so freely, and not robotically.

I convince myself that we are meant to enjoy life, and whole-heartedly I believe that. I believe that one day it will come, despite how bad the world gets, and how clear it is demonstrated to us that we as the human race have lost all ability to govern ourselves. I believe that the small wins in life that we graze over every day, taking advantage of them are going to bring me to some place better. I believe there is more to this life than this.

But this earth doesn't make it easy on me.

I cannot perform miracles, no matter how hard I try. I am human, and part of humanity, but at least trying to do good and do well.

I'd like to think that counts for something.

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