Crazy Becomes Crazier

Ever since the third grade, I always imagined myself living in a big house with a room filled with books. All of the books would be hardcovers and will be set in alphabetical order and will be perfectly set on each shelf, but the best part was, each book would be written by me. Now that I think about it, it's more of a crazy dream of mine. My dreams have never been simple and I'm pretty sure half of them are impossible; yet that will not stop me from completing them one way or another. With all these crazy dreams of mine, there are two things that I never dreamt about: being a wife or a mother.

In my mind, I always thought those were the two most impossible things I could ever do. Of course, like all normal little girls, I had baby dolls and I would pretend that they were real, but most of the time I would pretend I was late for work and leave them with a babysitter (my mother). My head was always busy with something else, and something crazier and more wonderful, that it left out the part of nurturing others rather than myself. I'm not saying I was rude or a heartless child, but I just never let anyone in to the point were I actually deeply cared for someone (besides my mother and sibling).

As I grew older, I began to seclude myself from everyone and soon became an outcast to most peers. The sad part was that my mother and the characters in my books became my only friends. My head always told me to keep looking forward, and that it was OK that I will never know what it was like to have a group of friends. It kept telling me that all I needed was books and that one day these kids will be reading my books. Yet, somewhere deep down in my heart, I wanted to be part of a group.

In the beginning of my freshman year, something odd happened to me. Somewhere around October, I met a boy. I thought he was pretty cute, but that was about it. To my surprise, he asked me out to the homecoming dance (even though I had only spoken to him once). I don't why or how the words even came out of my mouth, but I said yes. He was odd and very shy, and for some weird reason for the first time in my life, I was comfortable.

It took one weird boy for me to finally let my guard down. For so long, I had no idea how to care for someone or even let someone in but I somehow did it. My crazy dreams have now become even crazier. I plan on doing the impossible. I want to keep on caring for him the same way he cares for me. At times I do want to hide and go back to my friends in books, but I no longer can. I finally feel lonely whenever I do so. I want to keep on caring about someone and having that same feeling in return. Maybe one day, we'll have someone we can both care for, and then I can teach them not to be afraid to care for others.

Mine

Like it or not, I'm proud to call this mine.