Coming Out in a Straight World

Dear readers, I first have to make a disclaimer. If your parents are very religious and it is not safe to come out, do not come out. Many LGBT youth end up in the streets because their parents kick them out of their house. Coming out will only put you at higher risk for your life if you have parents who do not support the LGBT community.

It all started in 2016 when I was 20 years old when another woman and I had a crush on each other. Me, her, and another “friend” of ours were at her apartment, playing Just Dance and having a great time. We thought the other woman accepted the fact that the other was a lesbian and that I was bisexual.

The biggest mistake I ever made was going into the bathroom with my friend and kissing her on the lips, thinking that no one would know what we were doing. The other woman found out what we were doing and told everyone and called her father to come pick her up.

My parents were disappointed in me, because they did not approve of homosexuality. They said it was against their religion and that God doesn’t approve of homosexual relationship. Plus, they knew I also had a crush on this man who they thought was much better suited for me. They did not want me to date that woman, because they did not approve of the relationship. Needless to say, we were still friends.

I had to come out to my parents that night and tell them that I am bisexual, which led to an argument where I was trying to convince my parents that nothing is wrong with homosexuality. I had a strong case with a lot of evidence, stating that even doctors and psychologists and people with degrees and even a PhD all agree that homosexuality is normal and not a choice. I also told them that being on board with it means less people who are LGBT commit suicide. But they refused to hear anything I had to say, because this verse in the Bible says so.

This only led to more frustration and resentment that I cried all night long. This gave me really bad depression and anxiety. I was already depressed, to begin with, seeing as how I knew they would not approve of my sexuality if I told them. But I had no choice because that homophobic "friend" of ours exposed us to our mothers.

Needless to say that my my parents have always supported and loved me, even though they disagree with LGBT rights. I still think this is sad, considering that Jesus says to love all people, including the woman at the well. Nevertheless, I know my parents still love me and would take a bullet for me. They have always helped me financially and also let me dress however I want and even refer to me as Sunny and not my birth name.

But I have to address something. First of all, if you out your gay friends and try to ruin their lives, not only are you potentially putting them in harm’s way by telling their parents what they are doing and who they are, but you are also being a really bad friend by putting them in jeopardy because their parents could disown them, not that my parents would ever do that. Second of all, it’s non of your business if your friends are attracted to the same sex. Finally, you make it harder to have a good relationship with their parents by doing this.

That night, I got a voicemail from my friend, saying, "Sunny, I'm really sorry! We messed up. I still love you, but I don't know what to do." It was that fateful day that temporarily dampened the relationship I had with my parents and made me feel like nothing would ever be better. But I just wanted to say to you today, that it gets better. I joined the It Gets Better project and subscribed to their YouTube channel in 2016.

The It Gets Better Project is for LGBTQ+ individuals where they can discover each other and their coming out stories and how they later got married to their same- sex partner, despite the odds. They faced all kinds of discrimination from their own families and parents not letting them date who they loved and be who they are.

Many people in the LGBTQ+ community face discrimination and some are afraid to come out because parents or caregivers may not support them. Their pastors at church, parents, caregivers, or even their peers may not love them anymore. A common excuse is, "Hate the sin, love the sinner."

Some Christians, but not all, believe that conversion therapy works and that they have to "love the sinner", calling those who are LGBTQ+ are "sinners", believing that they need to repent and call on Jesus. I recognize that not all Christians are like this. I know that some support the LGBTQ+ community and even adopt youth who have been kicked out of their parent's house.

In fact, I have seen LGBT- supporting Christian mothers on social media, who continue to spread the gospel in a way that shows they love everyone. For example, Mama Jill Wallace who's TikTok username is @mamajillwallacs, is a Christian mother who supports LGBT people and their rights. She and her husband who she calls, "Daddo", both support the community and have adopted many youth and young adults on TikTok to provide digital support, even if they cannot physically adopt them.

Together, the married couple and their children support all LGBT lives. They also have a transgender son who they take good care of. Finally, they plan on building a place where they will adopt and take care of LGBT people who have nowhere else to go called, "The Donut House", which will be a sanctuary for the LGBT to protect them and give them everything they need to be themselves.

There are other Christians on TikTok who support the LGBT community in full and respect the names and pronouns of transgender people.

But where are these people outside of social media? How can LGBTQ people find them outside of TikTok or other social media platforms? And how will these people be able to meet these amazing people without their parents finding out, in case their parents do not support them for being gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, non-binary, or anything outside of being cisgender and straight? Finally, how will we get more acceptance if schools are not teaching LGBTQ history in middle school, high school, college, or university?

I believe that parents who support the community should find children's books which talk about the different kinds of families that a child can be born or adopted into, so that they will see that being part of the LGBT community is normal. We have to do better at normalizing the LGBTQ community, so that it will be safer for others to come out and be themselves.

Needless to say that as a 24 year old who is still living with their parents, they have finally decided to let me date anyone I have fallen in love with. I was going to tell my psychologist about their views on homosexuality and how sick I am of having to hide my identity, until my mother read what I had responded with on the forms to send her. I was shocked to hear my mother actually agree with me! For the first time, I felt happier than I have ever been and much more alive and well than I ever had before. I made a TikTok video crying tears of joy for being accepted fully.

I am still single after two failed relationships with men, so I have decided to try dating women since my parents will allow me to, for once. For me, some men have been very problematic and I have been in a relationship where the man was never ready to marry me. I was in another relationship where I was dumped by text messages because the guy lost interest in me. Then there was another man who came into my life through some strange reason.

This man came into my life and caught me when I was at my worst and already had put up a wall. I had my guard up with this next guy, because I had been previously hurt in the last two relationships in one year, the first being three years and the second one being five months.

He insisted that he was not like the others and that he would be true to me, but I didn’t believe him. I told him repeatedly that I was not interested in a relationship and that we were just friends. I got really frustrated with him because of how impatient he was with me, asking me if he could kiss me and I always told him “no”.

It was very disrespectful of him and very rude, considering that I had to keep telling him “no” week after week. It’s not fair! Needless to say, upon his leave for the Air Force, I finally had a few months to think about what to say to him. I finally told him that I was no longer interested in seeing him. He acted like he didn’t know what was wrong, as if I somehow changed.

Another time, I was stalked and harassed by two men at the age of 19 at Hot Topic at the mall by two men who were cat calling me. I froze and didn’t know how to respond. Luckily, a manager came to save me and told me to next time report it to a manager. She told me that those two men were kicked out of the store because they were cat calling lots of other girls and women, calling them offensive, sexist terms.

I was also harassed at Gwinnett Technical College and followed by an older man who was very suspicious because he didn’t seem to be taking any classes.

During my childhood, in The Eagles Nest where I went twice a week, these nine and ten year old boys wouldn’t stop making fun of me. Every time I told the teachers, they told me that they only did that because they thought I was beautiful. How many girls have heard this excuse? Doesn’t it make you feel like the guy who is supposed to like you and find you attractive is going to insult you and make you feel bad? Why isn’t this taken seriously?

Needless to say that over the years, I have had to deal with guys who have hurt my feelings, left me on read, harassed me, wouldn’t take my hard “no” seriously, been mean to me, and have treated me like an option and a disposable napkin! I have been treated like an object, because I’m too beautiful and nice to be taken seriously. Even though I am non-binary, men still objectify me as a toy or someone to bear their children. Yes, someone on TikTok actually said that to me, only to realize that I am non-binary and was then grossed out and started harassing me.

I am hoping that I can get much better treatment from a woman who will love me unconditionally and make me into her wife, someday. Yes, I still find men attractive, and I still think men can be funny, charming, and charismatic. Men can be oppressed by women. Men still have hard times, too. I am sorry for the things that women do to men and what other men do to men. I am saying that as a non-binary person, I have still been objectified, no matter how I dress, what I act like, or how deep my voice is.

But even though I can be attracted to men, I still can’t trust them or believe anything a man says, because I will only get hurt again.

As a bisexual non-binary person, I will continue to advocate for the LGBT community and their rights. We need to fight together for change and fight lawmakers and legislators who still treat the LGBT poorly. LGBT and allies must do their due diligence to ensure the safety and understanding of this vibrant community.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I will write to you again soon!