Cloud Girl

This is my first piece. It is an introduction to myself. If you may enjoy getting to know an 18-year-old engineering undergrad student whose life consists of mental breakdowns, cuddles with my cat Bella, and messy relationships, then continue reading. If not, I'm sorry to disappoint, but this is not the piece of literature for you.

Jamie

My boyfriend is on the line, he is sleeping in his own bed in a different city. His name is Jamie, and he's sexy and smart. However, he has been hot-headed and I have been chaotic. To say our relationship has had its ups and downs would be an understatement. Our relationship is more like a rollercoaster with several loop-de-loops, going forwards and backwards; switching rapidly, the drops all have 90 degree inclines and they take you down underwater for so long you almost pass out, but just in time you shoot up for air and it's all uphill again... for now.

There's much more to mine and Jamie's relationship than I'll elaborate on right now, but we are working through our issues every day, and I think God knows that there is no other person I could go through this much for. Thankfully, he is saving us both for one another.

I have been with Jamie for almost two years, but there were others before him. In fact, there have been others in the past two years. My boyfriend and I haven't always been solid. It disgusts me now.

I don't want to share my body with anyone besides him anymore. I would like to start a family soon after graduating college and have kids hopefully. I think him and I would have the most beautiful children. His skin is the most beautiful colour. I want to travel the world with him too. I want to do and see things for the first time with him. Share all the joys we haven't yet experienced and make up for all the lost smiles. We deserve to feel each others love with no limitations, unrestricted at full force.

Fun

I don't like to talk about my friendships much, but currently there are Sarah and Jasmine. Sarah is a good influence but Jasmine is trouble. About three months ago, I became friends with a girl named Jennifer who I met through a mutual friend of ours. She was my age, but a high school dropout living on welfare and dating a 17-year-old boy that was in juvie at the time. She smoked a lot of weed and was renting a place close to my school. We became best friends as soon as we met. I started skipping class to smoke at her place and didn't care much for homework or studying. I fell behind, especially when June came, and so did a music festival. I decided to attend and I had the time of my life, all while rolling off MDMA. After that, I couldn't focus in class, I had daily mental breakdowns or panic attacks. The comedown was so bad that I eventually ended up dropping the semester. I withdrew from classes for a year, and that is the point where I'm at now.

Family

I am currently sitting in my bedroom in the house that I live with my family. Being here feels like a prison sometimes. It's isolated from everybody else, in a remote and lifeless area. My family and I have many disagreements. My parents are strictly muslim and they don't approve of smoking or sex or anything of the sort. I can't even begin to describe the conflicts that occur surrounding our differences in beliefs. I have been having sex since 14, and I haven't stopped. I have been smoking weed since 13, and I haven't stopped. I have been wanting to be free so badly my whole life, and I'm so close. Hopefully with this year off, I can make enough money to be able to move out.

Farewell

I have free time now that school is on pause. Therefore, I am allowing myself to do something I enjoy, i.e. writing. Perhaps nobody at all will read this, but I am proud of myself. As a girl who has felt powerless and invisible, I am finding the courage to put myself out there.

Thank you to any readers, my love is with you.