Charm(ed.)

The Why

Being charming or being delightful is necessary. Being classy and charming allows one to move through social spaces more easily. We all know someone that may not have been qualified for a position but is invited to work on new projects or promoted. Their personalities have won over bosses and supervisors alike. In dating, these are the people that may not have extraordinary features but their ability to groom well and be pleasant partners have landed them into committed relationships. Being charming can be extremely advantageous as it doesn’t involve the genetic lottery or any prerequisites. One can simply decide that today they will be more engaged in other’s thoughts instead of their own, that they will iron their clothes and keep themselves groomed.

Being charming and classy requires both external and internal commitment. Simply looking good won’t suffice. We all know a colleague or an acquaintance that was dressed to the nines but had the mouth of a trucker. These people do not qualify as classy as their behaviour would put a damper on their outfit. Being charming isn’t a show or a spectacle. It requires being poised despite not having an audience. The purpose of remaining classy even when no one is looking is because someone is always looking. How many times have you noticed how someone treats a sales associate or waiter when they think no one is paying attention? Being charming must be an all-day commitment because you never know when someone is looking or more importantly what will happen.

Perhaps you stood up for the weird kid in high school. Eight years later you see the same kid (now a fully grown adult) in a store. You might not go up to them but chances are they might spring up to you and say hi. Treating people well is always important. Trust me, this example happened to me. That “weird” kid showed up as a sales associate in a busy cosmetic store. She came whizzing through the aisles to thank me for standing up for her when I myself was a strange teenager. She assisted me with my cosmetic purchases and even provided me a unique discount code. Moral of that story? Be kind. You shouldn’t want to be classy to enjoy the spoils of discounts. However, an act of kindness can go a long way. What if she wasn’t a sales associate but a professor at a prominent university, an entrepreneur, or a contractor? Our little reunion could have led to a budding business venture or a budding friendship. Being charming, delightful, and attractive to others requires a great deal of self-respect and confidence. Are you ready?

Attitude, Mind and Spirit

Parental Discretion Should Not Be Advised

Sixty per cent of being classy is in your attitude, speech and action. When walking through the door, do you hold it open for someone walking closely behind you? Do you say “thank you” when you are on the receiving end? When you’re at work and others are gossiping about Janice’s new hair cut, do you join in? When eating a meal with someone are you on your phone, texting someone else or scrolling through social media? Being classy begins with taking inventory of how you act in these situations. Examine your behaviour from the time you wake up to when you go to bed for three days. You might notice that once you are aware of your behaviour, you have room for improvement. Perhaps when eating a meal, you will put your phone down or you will say “thank you” more often. The truth is much of our “unclasp” behaviour is not intentionally rude or crass. However, once you know better you must do better. 72 hours of self-examination will give you enough examples of conventionally harmless habits that do not suit a charming life. For example, if you curse frequently in the company of friends and loved ones that behaviour may appear harmless as you are in private company of loved ones. This behaviour must be harmless, right? Remember earlier where I mention that someone is always watching? Yes, someone is always watching. Perhaps a niece of yours is eavesdropping while you pile on the F-bombs with your sister jokingly. Now your private conversation has influenced or normalized foul language for someone that looks up to you. 

Foul language often lingers outside of “comfortable” settings. Chances are if you are comfortable swearing, it will slip up in inappropriate settings including work, church or a charity event. I understand why swearing doesn’t sound like the most awful offence. Perhaps you dropped something heavy on your foot or your project was permanently deleted by accident. Let the s-words and f-words fly right? Nope. First, there are so many words that can be utilized instead of obscenities. You sound far more intelligent telling off someone with above-the-belt comments that illustrate the ridiculous actions that have you upset. In fact, you probably won’t face any recourse for expressing displeasure in poor service. Did you know that certain businesses and government services train employees to hang up once the caller begins to start swearing? It helps to cut out this classless behaviour immediately. Swearing is beneath classy men and women as it demonstrates an inability to articulate displeasure, inappropriate for almost all occasions and it never solves anything. Admit it, did you really think calling someone a son of …would get them to comply? If so, you’re greatly mistaken.

Classy is...

• Speaking with clarity and intention. Make sure your words are concise.

• Being aware of your actions. You are beholden to your own behaviour, not others.

• Consistently improving your vocabulary. You never know when you’re going to have tell a rude person that their behaviour is “deplorable, pompous and selfish”.

• Leaving the curse words behind. Nothing classy about it.

Gossip

Negativity is emotionally draining and can suck the life out of a room. Unfortunately, it is one of the first ways we learn to bond to others. After a community disaster, a community comes together to fund raise for relief. Gossip often brings groups together by othering the others. Negativity is weaved into social interactions as “keeping it real”. However, this attitude is futile for a classy life. Being a positive or neutral perspective in a room full of negativity is refreshing and connects people far better. What if someone wants to gossip with you? How do you shut it down. Try to change topics. What if the person wants to persist with gossip? Be frank about you wanting not to gossip. Sometimes they will stop, sometimes they will try to rope you in. They might inform you that the person they are discussing has a few words about you. Don’t buy in. This nasty line-and-sinker demonstrates that the gossip doesn’t respect you and was probably discussing you.

Self-Respect

Classy behaviour is directly related to self-respect. Because you respect yourself, you will carry yourself with grace. A great deal of harmful behaviour stems from a lack of self-respect. Gossip? Caused by insecurity. Bullying? Caused by feeling inadequate. Every time you speak of someone when they are not present imagine you were speaking to their mother. Would you tell Debbie Downer’s mother that her daughter has the art of ruining every conversation? Probably not. Taking a moment to think before speaking about someone or something can save you from putting your foot in your mouth. We often don’t have all the facts to create a definitive opinion on someone or something. This is exactly why when you’re attending a funeral of someone, the deceased’s boss, mother and wife all have different things to say: no one experience of someone perfectly illustrates their behaviour.

When you know yourself worth you won’t date people that treat you badly, you let go of friends that don’t want the best for you and distance yourself from family members that criticize you. Your ability to know what is and isn’t for you will change your life. You will find yourself more content with your life and genuinely happier. A classy lady or gentleman knows that the company they keep reflects them. This doesn’t mean all your friends will have etiquette down to a science. They keep friends that their parents wouldn’t be reasonably embarrassed of. Being classy involves good character which is a result of self-respect and leads to good company.

Classy is...

• Speaking well of others or not speaking at all. Nobody deserves a performance review about their personality.

• Being the sunshine on a gloomy day.

• Being honest with yourself about what sets you off and either preparing for it or avoiding it.

• Being composed in the face of disrespect.