But Still

My brain tells me to stop spending money on the psychics app. My toxic need for reassurance shouts over it, and says fuck it. $29.90 later I feel slightly better. Still no answer from him. I’m sure he’s busy. My brain says check the snap score; it’s the same. But what about WhatsApp? Last active after I texted him. He saw it. I know he did. He’s busy. He’s ignoring me. Stop jumping to conclusions. He wouldn’t lay with you, and kiss you goodbye when you leave, and tell you to have a good day if he didn’t want to... right? He’s just playing the part because it’s easier than seeing you cry. You never take no for an answer. He’s stubborn but you’re more so. And you just won’t leave. He saved a picture of us from last weekend. He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t want to look at it. Why would he want to look at it if he didn’t love you? Why would he say “love you too,” on your way out the door if he didn’t mean it? He wouldn’t. But still... he loves the dog more. She’s teachable. Doesn’t believe she knows everything and listens to him, that’s why. He hasn’t had a dog in years. She always happy to see him. He makes her happy, he doesn’t love her more. Why won’t he call me sweetheart, sweetie, babygirl, like he used to? Maybe it just slipped his mind. He’s been busy before and still managed to do it. He’s just waiting for you to get your car fixed, so everything can calm down for you; then he’ll tell you he doesn’t feel the same anymore. He does love you. If he didn’t you would be out no matter what. But still... you do laundry, you cook when you can, take care of all of the things he can’t, you go to work, you clean, you make sure everything is good for everyone else. Or at least try to. You do grocery shopping. You hold him down. He would be crazy not to love someone like you. He even said it himself. But still... this is a you problem. This is a problem you need to fix. He’s whitholding affection for a reason. He asked if you wanted soup yesterday because you’re both sick. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care. But still... you need to relax... but still. He loves you. But still...