But I NEED a New Car

16 A.D.

The scene is set for our young adventurer. He has just been certified with a proper license to ride his first chariot. He’s ecstatic and can not wait to show his friends how cool he is and to gain that extra sliver of independence he so desperately yearns by owning and riding his own chariot. He pleads with his parents to trade for any chariot they could afford for the young man. They decline saying they are too poor to afford anything. The young man is heartbroken, but little does he know his older brother has yet to reveal the fact that he will be giving him his first chariot.

This chariot is only a few years old and while it does have its scratches and dents, it's fully functional and ready to go. The young man is beside himself when he is informed of this. He graciously accepts the chariot and gets into his new possession. He reaches for the leads and he notices something odd. This chariot has four leads instead of the normal two. Puzzled, he looks to his brother for help and his brother tells him that it is a manual chariot, how they all used to be. That this chariot, while requiring a little more work to learn and ride, would be a more fun experience for the young man.

Ready to face the challenge, our adventurer spends all of his free time attempting to learn how to ride this chariot. He constantly mixes up the leads choosing the 3rd one instead of the 2nd at times and at other times not knowing exactly how to work the leads right causing his chariot to stall. The adventurer is not swayed however and his excitement for owning his own chariot continues to build as he slowly masters the art of riding a manual chariot. After a month of spending every second of free time he had learning this skill he has become just as comfortable riding his manual chariot as he was with his parents automatic chariot

After a few months of riding his chariot around, boasting to his friends about it and showing it off he noticed a weird sound coming from the front of the chariot. Not thinking anything of it he continued with his life as normal and then, approximately six months after receiving his chariot he noticed it was not riding like it used to. The leads would sometimes skip over each other, and at other times he could almost feel a loud thudding coming from his chariot. He requested the help of his brother who immediately asked him the last time he had polished his chariot. “Polished my chariot” our adventurer says “I thought it would tell me when I needed to do that”. For you see, our adventurers parents had a newer chariot than the one his brother gave him and because of that the chariot had a little calendar on it detailing when it needed to be polished. His chariot however, did not have this.

Worried, the brother slowly took the chariot apart, finding nothing but misery inside. The leads were stripped, the oil to grease the wheels had run out and worst of all, the chariot was knocking. Knowing the job was too great for him to handle, the brother got the chariot to a carpenter who inspected the chariot and came to the conclusion that unless an entire front end replacement was completed, the chariot was basically firewood. The young adventurer knew he, nor his parents, nor his brother, could afford to fix his chariot. So it was sold to someone interested in the make of the chariot who was willing to get it fixed.

Chariotless, the young man goes back to sulking through his days having lost his newfound freedom. He again had to beg his parents to use their chariot. He went on for a few months like this. Miserable and distraught at the fact he had ultimately been the reason why his chariot ended up in someone else's stable. His parents then had a surprise of their own. They had bought the young man another chariot, one the same age as the last, but more practical than the previous one. The young man was even more ecstatic now. This new chariot checked even more boxes for him as it was safer, got better miles to the horse and didn’t have as many scratches. The only downside was this new chariot was not a manual chariot and the adventurer had grown fond of the manual feel.

Our adventurer grew up in this chariot. From the time he was 17 until he turned 19 he rode this chariot around. Replacing little things here and there and making sure it was taken care of. He installed a spot for an oil lamp, a spot to hold his bow and purchased a leather inlay to lay over the seats of it. But slowly, as he watched his friends receive newer and nicer chariots, the young adventurer grew bored.

The boy began to watch other people's chariots, and wished he had their chariot instead of his own. He began researching all the types of chariots there were and tried to learn everything he could about them. He became upset with his perfectly functioning chariot when any small thing went wrong. His tire broke once, the rear end of it needed minor repairing, the area near him had a small crack that continued to grow, and with all of these issues the adventurer grew more and more restless. Until finally one day he snapped. “I must get a new chariot” he yelled proclaiming to the heavens.

However even with all the research he had done on chariots, he found one that he knew wouldn’t be reliable, nor was it in his price range, but he decided he had to have that one. He made his way to the man selling it and struck up a deal. He agreed to the terms and then stated his own terms. That if anything happened to his chariot in the next six months, they would go “halfsies” on it and would split the cost of the repair. The dealer happily agreed and they shook hands.

Our adventurer now had something more than a chariot in his eyes, he had a piece of art, and he liked it. He flaunted his new chariot, rode it around his village, took everyone on rides and displayed it prominently like a trophy. Not even a month later this new chariot’s leads fell right off and the person whom he had bought it from was nowhere to be found to keep up his end of the “halfsies” deal.

He was stuck with his old chariot again which he had even more disdain for now. He wanted nothing to do with it and was searching high and low to find his next chariot. He had to look for a special something though because he still owed on the chariot that had just broken. “How do I make sure that does not happen again” the adventurer thought, “I know! I will just buy a brand new chariot”. With that our hero goes and trades for a brand new chariot and in turn setting himself up for 6 years of agonizing payments and grief.

The hero finally learned, “buying a brand new chariot just is not worth it” he said. “Next time I will just lease the chariot!” he said, not understanding how ignorant he still sounded.