Build a Better Mousetrap

I fully believe that our true selves are made up of multiple pieces. As the years trample over me I lose a piece here and there, sometimes more then one. They get stuck to the heels of the shoes that have scarred the hurt into my soul time and time again. The biggest problem with this situation is that, like most people, I am the one who wears the glistening pair of red stilettos that have caused the slow leak of my uniqueness out of my iridescent life force. I have allowed a single person to remove most of those pieces. I stand there and look down at the pieces laying on the floor, but have no will to pick them up. I am a shell of my former self and I miss her terribly. I am not sure how many pieces are left, but I do have a single memory that reminds me of who I used to be on the inside.

I can honestly say that I was the fullest version of my true self most of the time up until I was around 20 years old. It would not have turned out that way if I had never been kicked out of science class. I was not cut out to be in grade 8 science, I used to mess around a lot, it was my way of dealing with things that were happening at the time. On this day in particular I was in one of my moods, which in my world usually ended up poorly for someone else. I was acting out because my mother was being beaten by a psychopath on a regular basis and I wanted to be at home to protect her from him. I wanted someone to know what was going on without me having to tell them. My friend Wes was in a great mood first thing in the morning because his mom had just taken him shopping and he was sporting a brand-new pair of expensive jeans. By the time that science rolled around, he had been boasting about them for the better part of the day. I didn’t think that he should be rubbing his happiness in everyone’s face. I am not proud of that fact, but at the time I had a world owes me attitude. Just before Wes took his seat, I slipped my freshly chewed piece of gum onto it. He, with good reason, lost his mind, the gum was everywhere. That was the end of science class for me.

I was banished to special projects. Special projects, in case you were wondering, was a group of kids that had already finished their work for the entire year and were now working on, well, special projects. This was the day I met Alex. Alex was the nerdiest kid in the whole school, so naturally I was in instant puppy love with him (I have a thing for nerds because I am a total nerd at my core). As I walked up to the group that was gathered in the hallway, something zipped passed me. “What are you guys building?” I asked Alex as he cheered the thing on. “We are building a mouse trap car for the mouse trap car competition at the space and science center.” He replied. In case you were wondering, yes, it is a car that is powered by a mouse trap. The goal was to build one that would propel itself forward and stop the closest to the target that they set up at the competition, which explained the masking tape I passed a moment earlier. So, there we were and all we had were some measurements and a set of rules to follow. That was it, I was sold. Why hadn’t I heard of this class before? Without another thought about it I dove in and got to work helping Alex and Raj build the mouse trap car. Everything else, the anger, attitude, and frown, all melted away.

I hardly noticed the days flying by as we built the car for competition. Finally, after a month of hard work, it was the day of the competition. I felt my mouth drop open as we walked into the space and science center in Calgary, Alberta. It was nerd heaven, there were facts all over the place. Even in my adult life I love to learn and watch documentaries every chance I get. The halls were lined with science and math games for us to play as part of the competition. Alex, Raj, and I had all been blessed with different areas of intelligence, which made us do well in the games. We came in 4th overall. Raj beat himself up over it because he lost points on one of the stations because he was rushing and made a mistake. After the games we headed into a massive round theater with a stage at the front. The ceiling was white and in the shape of a dome. The dome came all the way down to the tops of our seats, I was not sure why, but then a voice came over the intercom. “Please take your seats, the show is about to begin.” The three of us hurried to get seats as close the center of the room as we could. Alex being the smarty pants he was said it would be a good idea. He was right.

The theater lights dimmed, suddenly the entire dome was transformed into the solar system. Space stretched all the way down to the tops of our seats, we felt like we were floating right out in the middle of space. The booming voice started to tell us the story of the creation of our galaxy. As I laid back in my seat, I felt a hand slip under mine and squeeze. I looked to the side, with the glow of the stars above I could clearly make out the smirk on Alex’s face. It had just officially become the best day of my young teenage life. After the show ended and a new voice piped up from the front of the room. The new voice went over the mouse trap rules and started calling the schools down to the stage one by one. All of the other school’s mouse trap cars under shot the target. When it was our turn Alex and Raj went down to the stage and in true me fashion, I stood up on my seat hooting a hollering. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been that guy, but the whole theater turned to stare at me. I just giggled and kept cheering.

As they were walking down to the stage Alex made a minor adjustment to the car. He set it down on the start line, pulled back, and let it go. It had enough power, woot woot. It would be such a perfect story if I could tell you that we won, but alas it was not to be, the car shot passed the target and hit the podium. I was still jumping up and down when they came back. I grabbed Alex by the collar and planted a kiss right on his lips and thanked him for the best month ever. Alex beat himself up about the overshot pretty bad in the days following, but I reminded him how awesome the whole event had been and how the car had more power than any of the other ones and that he should be proud of that fact. The 6 months that I spent in special projects was amazing. We went on to do a few more competitions and a ton of research(my favorite). For the whole time I did not think about the abuse going on at home while I was t school, I didn’t cuss, and I didn’t act out. For that 6 months I was 100% me. It is the place I go to when I am missing myself.

We all have mental struggles, we all miss the glory days, and we all make decisions that impact our self love, admiration, confidence, and happiness on a regular basis. We all wear a gleaming pair of stilettos to trample over parts of us that we think should be better. I implore you, if you or someone you know is struggling, help is out there, seek it out, use it. Show kindness in everything you do, someone out there needs it, always.