Breaking Trust

How do we heal once the sacred act of trust has been broken? We like to believe with our whole heart, that we as humans can trust. We believe that those we are closest to can be trusted. With our secrets or thoughts and feelings. We think long and hard before giving that trust freely. We expect things that are shared between those close friends will stay between only them. When others are brought into that special place, trust is broken. The old phrase “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” is what you expected but not what you got. The act of allowing an ‘outsider’ into a personal space created for friends only, is painful in the least. Trust becomes a difficult thing to feel now.

When you trust someone enough to fully let them in it is not without risk. It is not an easy thing to do. When you trust that someone knows you well enough, you expect that they know you so well as to never judge your character or intentions. It is unspoken between these close friends that theirs is a relationship that is non judgemental and caring enough to not have doubts about those things. At first there is anger, then that anger turns to pain, then hurt. When your character is challenged by someone who should know better, it cuts like a knife, straight into the back. A sharp painful blow that leaves you battered and bleeding. Another scar to add to the rest you have accumulated over your lifetime.

The Merriam Webster definition of trust is:

a. Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b : one in which confidence is placed

All relations are built on trust. You place a certain confidence in someone you trust. That they know you, all of you, to be entrusted with every aspect of you. That they know your character and beliefs. Being contradicted about those important aspects is a cold hard slap in the face. It is demeaning and insensitive and causes a wedge. A keep me at arms length attitude. It is by nature ingrained in us to self protect to prevent further injury. It should never be acceptable behavior. To say it is crushing to an already broken soul, is an understatement. I say I have always had trust issues. It takes a whole hell of a lot for me to trust at all but when I do it is with my whole heart. Now, trust will be an issue for me once again.

So how do we heal? Maybe we never really do. Maybe there is always that little voice whispering “don’t do it.” I think the first step is forgiveness. Forgive but never forget. Now lost trust needs to be earned back. Proof is now needed to gain trustworthiness again. Once words have been spoken they cannot be unheard. Accusations cannot simply be washed away with a simple apology. The pain those words caused will not disappear with a good night's sleep. I am not a saint and never claimed to be but one thing I am not is a person who uses other people. I am always grateful for all I have been given. Grateful for those in my life who have helped me along on my long journey. I appreciate all that I have from those who love me, protect me and are always there by my side. Family that I trust with my life and that I would lie down my own for.

I forgive too easily sometimes but believe in chances. It doesn’t happen overnight. Trust has become sacred to me and no relationship...no matter what kind, will survive without it. In time, I am sure this is another bump in my road of life that I will get over. Time, patience and room to breathe is needed. Time to reflect and heal. Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and a long time to repair.

Love G.