Bittersweet Cinnamon

“Wake up hon, she needs you” -A faint voice called out.

The smell of cinnamon filled the room. His head pounded as he reached for his phone, accidentally pushing empty bottles to the floor. He felt the coins on the table, on top of his mother’s notebook. He grabbed the closest to him and held it in front of his face barely able to read the engravings on the coin:

“To thine own, Self be true

Unity, service

6 Months recovery”

He sat down and put the coin away. Uncle Greg was spread on top of the sofa snoring, wearing an old shirt filled with food stains that matched the filth of the house.

Suddenly Johnny’s phone rang.

Missed call from Paul

4 missed calls from Lily

Message from Lily:

“Johnny come to the hospital now!”

“Mom!” -He thought- “Please no”

He put on his jacket in a rush and stormed off the house. Johnny called for a taxi and went to the hospital where his mom had been for the past month. After what felt like the longest journey of his life, Johnny got off the taxi nauseous and ran inside.

At his mom’s hospital room, he found his step-father Paul. His younger sister was standing next to him, trying to hide how worried she was by holding back tears. Her eyes saddened more as Johnny approached, making him aware of his condition.

He hadn’t changed clothes nor showered for 2 days and reeked of alcohol, sweat and burnt plastic.

“Wh-what happ-” -Mumbled Johnny

“Your mother has been in the ICU since yesterday” -Interrupted Paul.

“Paul... Lily, I’m sorry I wasn’t-”

“Stop Johnny! look at yourself, as predictable as it is depressing. Just like your father, you’ll never learn until it’s too late”

“Dad please not now” -Lily begged.

To Johnny, his 16-year-old sister looked like a helpless child. Seeing her like that just made him feel guilty.

“No Lily, I’m sick and tired. Every time we see a light at the end, he fucks up” -Said Paul, looking at Johnny.

“I’m sorry” -Grunted Johnny running towards the toilet trying to keep himself from vomiting.

Once inside he fell to his knees and started vomiting on the trash can, trying to catch breaths to avoid choking and the burning sensation in his throat. Memories from 7 months before when his mom first got sick started playing in his head.

“I promise mom, I'll change and you’ll get better” -Said Johnny holding his mom's hand next to the hospital bed, with Lily by his side.

“don’t break this promise okay? It’s a chance for both of us to get stronger my love” -His mom replied.

“Marguerite, just rest, you’ll talk later” -Requested Paul.

“Shush I’m better now, God knows we’ve been through worse” -She laughed- “Baby could you pass me my purse?”

Paul grabbed and laid the purse on top of her. She pulled a black notebook and wrote on the last page with her pen.

“Here love, this will help you. It helped me when we lived with your father.” -She continued- “Oh and remember… smile, even through the rain” -She said word by word as she wrote them down, handing the book to Johnny.

“Johnny are you there?” -Lily asked from outside, bringing Johnny back.

“Yeah, just finishing” -He answered looking at his pale face and teary eyes in the mirror. He wanted to cry but as always, was unable to.

He came out and saw Lily waiting for him while Paul talked to the nurses.

“They said she needs to stay in the ICU for a while”

“Thanks, Lily. Look Paul doesn’t want me around so I’ll go home... call if anything happens?” -He said faking a smile, leaving Lily and walking towards the elevator.

Johnny arrived home noticing uncle Greg grabbing money from his cabinet.

“Johnny boy!” -He screamed surprised- “I’m just err- borrowing, you don’t mind do you son?” -Said uncle Greg revealing his yellow teeth in a grin.

“Everything okay son?” -He asked stroking his moustache

“Mom's in the ICU”

“You know how it is Johnny boy, she’ll be fine you just need to keep your mind entertained” -Replied uncle Greg revealing a burnt glass pipe from his pocket.

“No, I screwed up enough”

“Shit Johnny she’s fine come on! You’re sobbing like a fucking wimp. I swear you cried less when you were 16”

The temptation caused by the pipe took over him. “Just to keep my mind clear” -He thought.

“You shouldn’t do this hon” -A faint voice whispered

Both lost track of time smoking and drinking. Johnny lied down on his bed while uncle Greg sat in the living room.

“Johnny hon, what would your mama say?” -Said the voice, clear this time.

Something drew his attention to his mom’s notebook. He noticed a strong smell of cinnamon coming from it.

“Look at the state you is, oh poor thing” -Said the voice coming from the book.

“What the fuck?!” -Said Johnny in disbelief.

“Hon I’m just here to help”

“This is crazy… Paul is right about me, about my dad”

“You can prove him wrong. They care about you, unlike others”

“What do you mean?” -Replied Johnny indulging to what he called “his imagination”

“Your uncle, he takes advantage of you. Comes back after months, gives you that poison you worked so hard to avoid and takes your money”

“He cares about me and he needs the money”

“Think hon! If he cared he wouldn’t be here filling you with-”

Johnny interrupted the book throwing it across the room.

“I’ve had enough, from you, from Paul, from everyone. I can’t anymore just shut up!” -He screamed, turning and closing his eyes.

Silence filled the room, the smell of cinnamon disappeared as Johnny fell asleep. Uncle Greg, unaware of the conversation, woke up to Johnny’s phone ringing. Annoyed, went to his room to pick the phone and read a message from Lily...

“Like mother like daughter... bunch of bitches” -He said before turning the phone off.

“Wake up!”

Startled, he quickly looked around the room realising it was morning. “No no I heard it again” -He thought, noticing the room smelled of cinnamon, so strong that he could feel the spice inside his mouth.

“Hon come on they need you”

Inexplicably, Johnny started feeling better, it was a spicy but pleasant feeling. He knew that the cinnamon was somehow cleaning his body from inside, he never felt this good.

“You can’t be real, how are you alive?" -He asked the notebook.

“Everything's alive in a way, you just need to pay attention”

“I'm Cassia hon” -She continued- “sorry about this... things were better and you and I would never have met”

“But this-you were mom’s book” -Replied Johnny in disbelief.

“I was with her through your dad’s hell, remember?”

The smell of cinnamon now felt familiar, it brought back memories of his mom writing in the book with Johnny treating her bruises, wanting to say something, wanting to cry.

“See hon?”

“I see”

“Your mama made sure I was here for you, for this change”

“What change?” -Asked Johnny instinctively looking for his phone. He noticed it was off and realised no one else was home. He turned it on and read the screen.

10 missed calls from Lily

Message from Lily:

“Mom’s gone Johnny where are you I need you! she’s gone...”

Johnny’s heart dropped.

“This can’t be real… My phone, my mom-”

“Hon, your mama is somewhere better. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t hear the phone”

“Didn’t you see what I did yesterday?! I broke my promise, It’s my fault”

“You should ask your uncle about the phone” -Cassia continued.

The door of the house suddenly opened.

“Johnny boy! Got you a present” -Said uncle Greg entering the house with a bag.

“Mom died” -Said Johnny looking at his uncle

“Well shit... I guess that means I’ll stay longer then” -Said uncle Greg with a grin.

“Mom died and I was here fucked up with you. Did you turn my phone off?”

“Jesus calm down, fuck! How could I know what she wanted?”

“And you didn't wake me up?!”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?! Get this shit over with, and open your damn present”

“I’m done with this. She’s right, I was better before you came”

“Listen, you think you can be better but you ain’t worth shit” -Said uncle Greg grabbing Johnny behind his neck- “I’ve been looking out for you since the bitch of your mom made your dad kill himself”

Johnny pushed him away.

“Look at you getting all warmed up. Well fuck me”

“It's your fault I'm in this hell”

Uncle Greg moved his hand behind his back revealing a hunter’s knife and placed it against Johnny's chest.

“Know your fucking place... I can forget all about this crap because you’re an idiot, but you’ll pay an extra fee” -He whispered reaching for Johnny’s wallet, noticing the smell of cinnamon as he got closer.

“You wearing your mama’s perfume?!” -He burst out laughing.

Suddenly a burning sensation filled his chest, suffocating him.

He fell back gasping for air. Johnny kneeled on top of him and hit his face repeatedly until the blood of his knuckles was indistinguishable from his uncle’s. He stood up, picked up his uncle and pushed him outside the house.

“Leave! I don’t want to see you again!” -Screamed Johnny, looking at his uncle limp to his car and waited until he had left before getting back in the house.

Johnny laughed as he sat on the floor.

“Hon, is you okay?”

“I’m okay...” -He said, realising what happened as the adrenaline wore off.

“She can’t be gone, I need her”

“No hon, that’s what you think you need”

“I broke my promise and she died”

“Marguerite could have died last month or next week and it wouldn’t have anything to do with you”

“I’ll fuck up again and she’s not around to save me”

“I feel you won’t”

The phone’s screen lit up catching Johnny’s attention.

Message from Lily:

Johnny please answer me. Mom’s funeral is in two days and I need you, please come.

Location

“Lily wants me at the funeral but I shouldn't go”

“She needs you” -Said Cassia

Johnny looked around, for the first time he realized the conditions of the house. With a spark of determination, he spent the next two days cleaning it, reflecting on his life and remembering his mom with Cassia.

At the funeral, Johnny watched from the distance waiting for it's end. Once everyone left, he approached the grave and placed Cassia next to him. He suddenly felt someone hugging him from behind, it was Lily.

“Sorry, I thought I was only hurting myself” -He whispered- “I’ll make it better, I promise”

Cassia opened her pages revealing Marguerite’s message. Johnny could hear his mother’s voice as he read her handwriting:

“Hi my love if you’re reading this, then the sickness won over me. I don’t want to leave but we all have our time. I want you to be better, to be able to catch-up on lost time once you cured yourself with Cassia’s help. Wish I could see your face when you meet her.

Over the years I saved $20,000 to prepare for the worst. Once you’re ready dear, Cassia will show you how to find them. It’s enough for you to start over and help Greg with your sister.

Get better, no matter how long it takes. Remember… smile, even through the rain.

-Marguerite”

Johnny looked up, covering his eyes with one hand.

“It’s beginning to rain” -He said

“I don’t think so hon...”

“No, it’s raining alright” -Johnny smiled as warm tears fell down his cheeks for the first time since he was a kid.

“You’re right, hon” -Replied Cassia softly.