Between Life and Death
His broken heart 💔 was breaking my heart ♥️
It was just a few minutes of my life. Five, maybe ten minutes at the most. But those few minutes are minutes that, until now, I had no words for. I think God has a way of protecting us from certain things at times, perhaps because my soul couldn’t bear it all at once. But nothing happens in this life without a purpose—at least that’s what I believe. The minutes I am referring to are the minutes in-between the time that my husbands heart stopped when he was right beside me—until his heart miraculously started beating again. This was his third major heart attack and up until now the only description of those moments I could give would be of incoherent silent prayer—but it was prayer that not even I could understand or comprehend. It was a prayer in some strange, unknown tongue that only God could interpret.
My reality was on auto-pilot, and I was just along for the ride. I’ve heard of the term “purgatory,” but I never gave it much thought, mainly because I didn’t see the need for it since it’s nowhere to be found in the Bible. But that’s exactly where I ended up—I was in purgatory. That place of waiting. A place that’s in-between worlds and in-between life and death, black and white, yes and no, love and hate, Heaven and Hell. The world stopped, yet whirled by me in an instant.
I remember a voice telling me that I might want to wait outside because I probably didn’t want to see what was about to happen. I remember thinking that I couldn’t just leave, and where would I go? I had nowhere to go. I was already on the other side of the curtain, already farther away than I wanted to be. I remember seeing the faces of concerned family and friends through the tiny glass window to the waiting room. I thought I should tell them something, but what? I didn’t know what to say to myself. Those minutes passed and finally I was told that they shocked his heart back into rhythm, but they had to get him to Western Baptist as quickly as possible. That’s when reality kicked back in and I curled up in the floor outside of his room waiting for them to let me see him before they loaded him on the helicopter. My body was limp and weak and my mind was exhausted.
Everything in my life that I’ve worked for and hoped for came crashing down in an instant. Life is Precious. Family is precious. Love is precious. Don’t take for granted all the little things that aren’t little when you're standing in purgatory faced with the possibility of losing them forever. So if there’s someone you need to say “I love you” to—say it! If it’s somebody you say it to all the time—say it again! Don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry. I’d rather live with knowing that I was wrong, than live with regret because of pride. Your chance could be taken in the blink of an eye. Don’t put it off... Just Don’t—I promise you won’t regret it.