Believe that usually it's for the better

The context

Being a parent is not always an easy thing. Actually – sometimes – right the opposite. I got my first child at the age of 25 and back then my only goal was to work and build a career. A woman with a strong masculine energy, a relentless pursuit of succeeding and extremely eager to make the best out of the corporate world. That’s who I was 13 years ago. Later on I got my second child, but my mind didn’t change. What I really wanted was just to have it all – a nice family, vacations and me – becoming the first female VP at this early age (33/34) in a large, multinational company. Suddenly my grandfather – the backbone of our family passed away, soon after my mother got very sick and somehow, I started realizing that my life needed to change. Funny enough, couple of months later Covid-19 came and for the first time in 20 years I had to stay at home, take care of a sick parent, be a housewife and a mother, while working for 14-16 hours a day. With the support of my partner, but can’t say I realized how much he was helping me back then. Because, you know, I was the Eastern-European version of She-Hulk … And that’s when the huge breakthrough came. It was not sudden. Even though it came smoothly over a period of time, to a certain extent, I was not prepared at all. Being driven by “My way or the highway” mindset, the strong drive to success – money, career, power, influence, I forgot who I really am. Eventually for the next two years, my life unfolded in a way that allowed me to remember that, start looking after the “real me”. With lots of ups and downs, mistakes and pain, unbearable emotional struggle, but also – surrounded by my kids. And as The Little Prince says – “The essential is invisible to the eyes”. I don’t really remember when I started seeing the truth with my heart, but it was awakening, enlightening and quite the opposite of my life for the past 20+ years. Realizing that all you need is right in front of you, and you have to flourish and nurture it was absolutely outstanding. I know most of you would say “Yeah, Thank you, Captain Obvious!”, but you must understand that I was raised as a top performer, always with the highest expectations, not being allowed (or not allowing myself) to be an ordinary person, nor paying attention to the small details. Don’t get me wrong, I am still on the path, but at least now I feel comfortable and know what I really want from life. And my biggest desire was revealed during the lockdowns.

What happened?

It was amusing how these kids had to change all their lives in a day. Can you imagine that – children of all ages staying at home 24/7, enjoying the wi-fi availability, eating all the time and (most of them) pretending to study or at least – participate in their classes. Some of them took the opportunity to play more games – you know – Fornite, Lost Ark, GTA, Battlefield, League of Legends – name it. Others revealed the sweetness of free online websites with adult content, allowing them to make a huge jump in their sexual development. Some (including my daughter) were enchanted by Instagram, Tik-Tok, Snapchat and other social media channels. I remember I told her once that if she was receiving a penny for every video she’d be watching on Tik Tok, we would be millionaires. And I mean that. Do you know why that happened? Because we, the parents (or at least most of us) were way too focused on providing for the family, being scared and closed off because of the unknown and what the future holds for us, but also – determined to do the best at our abilities to keep everyone safe. Physically, not mentally, as occurred later.

And what about the parents?

Well, the first stage was re-stocking huge amounts of food, alcohol and toilet paper. I still don’t understand where the last one came from, but we saw everyone buying it, so we decided – why not follow the others. Funny enough, I am still buying these XXXXL-extra packs, even nowadays.

Of course, working even harder was also part of the process – leaving the office until further notice was a huge challenge, as well as learning about the new ways of working. Later on it occurred that working from home and keeping social distance are actually great things to do. Now I can work at my own pace and still keep on track with the job that needs to be done.

After one full month at home, 125 bottles of wine, 128976639 teleconference calls and 10 pounds up in our weight, we decided a huge change is needed, as well as a real physical workout, so we reinvented our yard. It was fun, liberating, outside activity and the kids joined us. Obviously, they were also pretty tired of living their lives in front of the laptop or tablet. Almost three years later we drink less, go out more and the yard is still amazing, especially during the fall.

And that’s how we started speaking one to each other, sharing our own emotions, challenges and fears, having fun together, playing board games, painting, jumping on the trampoline or just chilling and laughing… that’s what brought us being much closer to our children and their real needs.

What’s the point of this story?

I guess there are a number of these. Honestly, that’s the first article of many, aimed at improving the bond within the family, with a primarily focus on parents and their teenagers. I saw and am still seeing how our attitudes can linger the kids in one direction or another, allowing them to unleash their potential. My strong internal belief is that we are the ones being accountable for our children’s actions or lack of actions. And I am very much keen to share with everyone my own experience, what I’ve been through (and still going through that) hopefully being able to help some of you with it. Not only help, but rather give hope and a different perspective – that sometimes all the things that are happening in our lives are for the better. We just need to have the heart and see them, and the strength to start acting.

Please, don’t assume all of a sudden, I had an internal crisis that brought me to the best parent ever, as that’s not the case at all. Let’s say, my dream is to unite efforts with other parents struggling with getting the balance between personal and professional life, enjoying time with their teenagers and family. And I would be more than happy to hear more of your thoughts and proposals for the next topics.

Thanks a lot for reading me and I am very much looking forward your feedback and ideas – what would you like to read next.