Being Related is no Excuse for Accepting Toxic Behaviour

When my stepdad asked his sister why she and his nephews do not come to visit, she replied that it was because of their uncle. She explained that their uncle is always making negative comments every time he sees them, such as telling my stepdad's niece that she's fat instead of asking her how she is. To be honest, I fully support their decision. I strongly believe that if family members are always criticising you and only bringing you down, then you have every right to stay away from them. Do not worry about what you need to get them for Christmas or for their birthday just because they are family. Being related does not mean you should allow people to step all over you.

I honestly cannot stand when people assume that blood equals love. Just a couple months ago, a 21 year old man killed his grandmother, yes, his grandmother, all because he had so much anger in him. This is just to point out that blood does not matter. It is obvious that he did not care about killing his own blood, but I am not saying that we should kill those who are related to us. What I am saying is that you should not depend on blood to assume you will receive love. I know this because of my half sister; even though me and her have the same dad, she hates me. Why would I love her for hating me and insulting me so much? It makes no sense to feel close to someone that only breaks your heart.

Understand that your wellbeing is important. If you do not like how your aunt is always making bad comments every time she sees you, the best thing to do is to not speak to her; and then if she is saying you are rude for not talking to her, do not even bother giving an explanation. Sometimes people will never be aware of their actions. I stopped visiting my dad's family because they were never honest with me about a situation that happened a while ago. It truly hurt me that everyone in the house pointed their fingers at me instead of telling me they wanted me to leave. I would be hurt if they had simply told me they wanted me out of the house, but I would appreciate the honesty. The fact that they made up a story and accused me just so that I would leave is something I will never understand. I sometimes get upset that I reached out to my dad just to be on good terms. I have no hate towards him or anyone in his house, but in reality, if they cared about being on good terms and wanting me in their lives again, they should reach out to me and explain why they did what they did.

You may feel that walking away from toxic family members is not the right choice, but ask yourself this: Do I want to put on a fake smile while they continue to make me feel bad about myself? Putting a fake smile for them is an unfair thing to do. When you have a family that refuses to comprehend you, it is a waste of time to prove to them that what they say about you is incorrect. Also, notice how they are only nice to you when it benefits them. If you see a pattern where family members calls you only when they are facing trouble, but do not call you to see how you are doing or takes the time to catch up with you, then it is obvious that they see you as help only, they use you so they can be okay.

I understand that we all have lives. I am not saying family does not care about you if they do not call you or message you everyday. I go months without talking to my older sister, but both of us know that we care about each other and when we talk after a while, we talk about what has been going on in our lives and if we are doing okay, but we never make bad comments on each other. If you continue to get negativity from family members every time you see them, then they have no right to be upset when you decide to remove yourself from them. It is so easy for them to point out your flaws, but when you fire back and put them in their place, they will not be able to handle it and get all defensive.