As She Watched

There I was standing in front of what seemed to be a reflection of my own appearance. However, anyone standing by, would say else wise. That didn’t matter. I smiled as she teared. The ripple of water created a notion to persuade the ducks to swim in the opposite direction of the woman who was about to share a story. A story that brought the teary eyed girl to the presence she stood in, that moment of never ending excitement. Excitement that allowed her to no longer fear the existence of being able to look back, because starting now, there was only moving forward. A stone raised high, skips into the water allowing the surrounding to hear it’s depth. The waves ripple once more, bigger than beforehand and carried its’ weight that matched the three centimeters above the water. You could start to see the pebble as the water glided down the sides.

“They’re going to find it one day.” A voice from behind speaks with no hesitation. The girl turns around to see a man who seemed to be present, watching her for a good amount of time. She looks at him with confusion, as if the place she placed her breath was only encountering her own. She looked at him with no words to follow, as he smiles and looks into the distance. She follows the same. The same man walks to the nearby tree and sits down with his hands claiming pressure against the ground. Eventually the ground wins as the submersion of the not so dry, not so wet grass found its’ way into his khaki pants. He pulls up his wrist with a shake, as his jacket crisps its’ way back allowing him to read the time on his watch. “Too soon.”

I look at him, but he can’t see me. Once again I’m happy with the person I stand before, but this time it hurts more. I’m grateful for the appearance, only this time years have passed and the water barely rested in the same spot. The existence was created for us to share, but only he gets to stay.

I remember the day I shared my soul with him. The kind that isn’t told in body language or late night stories. I shared my speech of life worth living when opening my heart about myself, embracing the reality I had created as others could only watch. I shared my story and he asked to share it with the world. I was not upset by any means, I was more than pleased. Our newly found shelves filled with black books. No titles, no prints, only a silk string that laid threw the binding and peaked out the bottom. Unsure of how things would present itself, I knew things would fall into place with the right effort. Only the effort came in so effortlessly.

The doorstep held no feet that stood before me as I opened the door. No body found that would have rung the bell as it rang not once but twice. I look below my eyes reach to see the appearance of what seemed to be a yellow envelope. No words to share its’ provider, no claim of who it belongs to. It was either mine, or his. He doesn’t come home til later, so I wait.

Not too shortly after, he walks in as I rush to him, no longer sitting on the thought of what was inside. “Well open it!” he says. What felt like an early birthday gift was really more than what either of us could have expected. Twenty thousand dollars laid before our eyes as our mouths dropped with no words to follow. We turn to each other. With no information given, no note, no name, no date, the gesture was unspoken.

I remember laughing and smiling, feelings of confusion left my body and only excitement could move me forward. “Well what are we going to do first?!” I speak louder than usual.

“Time to share that story, love.” He smiles the smile that brings me to my happy place and fills my hands with warmth as I grab his cheeks and kiss him.

For someone who had little to spare and still did so with no hesitation, the wealth I newly found catered to my story being blown out to cities I never even heard of. The wealth brought me to voices of others complimenting me as if their work was unmatched compared to mine. The wealth brought more wealth. Wealth that I never got to touch.

I remember the last day he picked me up and twirled me around til I lapsed and fell to his embrace. The day was going to come, I just had hoped it would have been later. There was peace with falling in his arms as I had fell for his charm, but I wish he hadn’t seen me leaving. Leaving a scar in his memory that could never be untouched. I knew he loved me and I loved him. Some things are only sent to have known the truth behind beauty and the rest is for you to share. He gets to share his warmth that he reminded me only I could give, but I knew he was just as whole, as he was the one who made me feel real.

My future wealth in his name. He knew how I would handle it, even without instructions. I loved the way he listened, the way he remembered every detail like it was the alphabet to a child learning to sing for the first time. My mother then had a house. My sister then leveled with encouragement to reach her dream job with the assistance of information best to guide her. My events that held discussions, now developed wealth on their own as more and more charities were fed by the man who knew how to feed. He fed those in need as everything he ever needed was at home and not one thing could bring anything to replace it. He lived for the memories, for the people. You see it was never about the items around us. It was the words, the touch, the keys that rattled a tune. That’s why I loved him. That’s why we loved each other.

The day we were handed the twenty thousand dollars, that seemed like millions, felt like a dream. He took me to see a lake and we drove for hours with only one stop to pick up snacks for our arrival. He threw a rock into the water.

He pulls out a little black book. “I love you more and more each day. This time I only get to love your words…” He writes for a few more minutes until it starts to get darker. I know he’s going to leave soon. I sit down next to him. I wonder if he can feel me as I place my hand on his left thigh. He starts to dig a hole into the ground, just enough for words to be kept a secret. He places the little black book into the ground and covers it leaving no print of destruction.