Every type of relationship will experience issues and pressures at some point in time. Whether it be arguments, problems with intimacy or worries over money.
In this miniseries I invite you to join me during the final 10 weeks of 2020. We are diving into the 10 common issues that arise within relationships. Allowing us to break them down one at a time each week.
We will do this across all relationship types, including some ways the issues can be addressed and worked on. Let’s kick this off in week 1 with the head honcho, ARGUMENTS.
When you argue with yourself, this typically means you are considering both sides of an issue or decision. Generally you are trying to resolve it logically and sensibly, instead of using only your emotions. This is healthy, so keep doing it!
In fact, something you can do is to write out your argument as if you were explaining it to someone else. Writing things down is very powerful, you can write out your thoughts and feelings about the situation as a letter to self.
Step away and give yourself a breather after you are done. Once you’ve mentally moved on from the initial weight of the issue or decision, go back and read your letter.
Arguments amongst friends being signs of a bad friendship is a misconception. Not saying it should be more often than not, But let's be honest everyone has disagreements. Arguing with your friend isn't unhealthy. Actually, voicing your opinions in a safe space and talk through things are a sign of solid friendships.
With friendships that are meaningful, make sure to argue with the intent of coming to a compromise. Great friendship is a result of honest communication, not letting underlying negative feelings or tension linger. Don’t be afraid to address issues, forgive when warranted and grow on from it.
Every couple has fights, in fact if you don’t someone’s voice may be muted within that relationship, which is very unhealthy. Disagreements are natural, it’s all a part of the territory that exist inside relationships.
The key factor is, knowing how to argue in a healthy way.
Here are some healthy alternatives to consider:
— make request for things you feel you are missing vs complaints.
— allow your partner to feel heard and acknowledged, avoid making your partner feel like their feelings aren’t valid. (I’m sorry you feel... my intentions weren’t to...)
— AVOID swearing and name-calling. Do not belittle, condescend or make faces. Be aware of what your body language is saying.
— DO NOT AVOID ARGUMENTS, but also never argue angry. Sounds crazy right? Do not let 24hrs pass with a lingering issue, instead have a safe space to sit together and talk things out.
— stay on topic, hence why you don’t want to let issues linger, because then 1 argument never gets resolved because 5 other things have been brought up in an explosion of backed up issues.
— set a timer, give each other 2-3 mins to express what they are feeling without interruption. This way you are listening to understand and not listening to respond.
— write things down, take notes while the other is taking OR use a white board and write your key points within your argument that you would like your partners attention on for them to address.
— lastly remember it’s you two against the problem, not you two against each other, going into an argument as a team is how you come out as a team.
So don’t freak out and think your relationship is over or doomed just because you had two fights last week, it’s ok! Arguments only become an issue for a relationship if they take unhealthy turns.
If arguments are getting abusive in any way, whether that be physically, verbally or emotionally, then it’s time to either reevaluate the relationship or in some cases please seek proper help to remove your self from that relationship.
We all know it’s super normal for families to fight every so often. In a family, if it’s not parents arguing amongst themselves, it could be you arguing with your parent or siblings arguing at each other. This is all normal! Picking up a trendy pattern here?
When families have differences and disagreements, it’s a normal family dynamic. In some families, these arguments can become toxic. Just be sure you can spot the difference.
Remember you can’t change people, so go into these disagreements excepting people for who they are and include them in your life accordingly. Try to remain fair, don’t point fingers for blame and don’t intentionally try to hurt feelings just because they are family and you think they will always be there.
Wait, wait, wait! Can’t we all just get along?
We can, and we will, right after some good old healthy arguing though lol. For some people it's about fear of confrontation, maybe a desire to be liked or even an aversion to conflict, they just want everyone to get along. This might sound crazy but when it comes to business growth and success, arguing can be a good thing if it's done the right way.
— passionate people willing to argue a point of view should be heard. Their heightened interest generally being an informed one, means that they are more likely to be an expert of sorts on the topic than others employees whom may not share the same zeal.
— every vantage point should be viewed, in any company you should aim to uncover different view points in order to determine the best way to move forward.
Healthy ways to execute:
— as a company everyone should understand, that demeaning a persons thoughts or stance is unacceptable, so that new ideas can be passionately discussed in a safe space.
— do not judge, instead you should set out to understand another person's perspective, this is beneficial arguing
That about rounds up this week's issue within relationships, ARGUMENTS!
I hope each week you feel like together we are growing outward from within.
Get excited for next week! I know I am!
LIFE🌱, LOVE🖤 and PEACE✌🏽 YALL!