Are you truly in love: Differentiating Love from Infatuation

In movies, you can effortlessly differentiate when people are sincerely in love and when they’re just caught in the passion of infatuation. But when it comes to what you’re feeling, when you’re looking at romance through your own perspective, you often realize just how confusing these emotions are.

Besides, when you’re attracted to someone, you don’t think “Hey, this is just infatuation.” You simply know that you like her, and that you should pursue her — end of the story.

Most of the time, you may think that there is no reason to ponder about whether it’s love or infatuation. You’re currently happy, and for you that’s all that matters. But if you want to be certain you’re with the right person, it definitely pays to differentiate.

Infatuation vs Love

Infatuation is often presented as two people being madly in love with each other. It’s usually characterized by intense physical attraction and passion. On the other hand, love can also be characterized by these, but it’s just that it leans more towards the feeling of comfort and security with the other person.

See why both concepts can be confusing?

They are practically the same thing — in that they’re what we feel when we’re attracted to someone. The overarching difference between them, however, lies in how you express this attraction and what you think about your partner during it.

It’s fantasy vs reality

Infatuation is seeing someone attractive and immediately feeling that there is a connection. It is a spur in the moment “I think I’m in love” emotion, and that “love at first sight” attraction.

You go into a relationship not knowing much about the person other than the fact that they are really attractive. You’re so deep into this physical attraction, that sometimes you don’t even realize, and perhaps won’t even care how little you actually know about them.

The Halo Effect is what’s at work here.

The Halo Effect is the belief that because someone is physically attractive, the personality must be pleasing as well. Thus you give no effort in getting to know them better, because you already have an assumption or a made-up idea about them purely based on their physical appearance.

Love, on the other hand, is a process. It’s meeting someone, and actually putting in effort to get to know them intimately.

You don’t automatically think you’re in love the moment you meet. It can take a few dates before you can be so sure that you like them. And your reason for feeling such will be based on actual facts and not just something you made up.

It’s obsession vs trust

If you are infatuated with someone, it may come off as though you are truly in love because of how much you care for them. But in reality, it’s actually an act of selfishness rather than genuine concern.

For example, you may feel the need to always check up on that person, give them a call or even accompany them wherever they’re going. Sure, this can mean you want to spend more time with them.

But you’re only doing such, because you suspect them of cheating. Or, you guilt them into spending more time with you.

When you’re in love, it means you trust your partner wholeheartedly.

You can let them go and have fun alone. You won’t feel the need to supervise their every move fearing that they might cheat on you. Truly loving someone is feeling secure about your relationship, and having the confidence to believe in their loyalty to you.

It’s expecting perfection vs being real

Infatuation makes you make-up your own image of your partner. They will always look beautiful and agreeable – a person lacking flaw – to you, that when they commit a mistake, or do something that’s out of character, you may blow it out of proportion.

Not only does it make you see only the good in your partner, it also makes you present yourself only in the perfect manner. This means constantly faking yourself, and withholding any information which you think may make you look bad for them.

While love is all about being comfortable and honest with them.

Knowing their good and bad sides won’t matter to you, for you have completely accepted them and will continue to love them despite. You will also learn to be honest with them, no matter how embarrassing your stories can get.

You just want to genuinely connect with them no matter what.

Temporary vs Timeless

Since infatuation makes you enjoy and desire only the positive things in your relationship, a small issue or disagreement can easily break you apart.

For example, upon moving in together, you start noticing how, unlike you, she cares less about the order and cleanliness in your home — a small issue but ruining this perfect illusion you have of her. Instead of talking to her, you might make a big deal out of it, which will then just spiral into a bigger argument between you.

Seemingly trivial issues might ultimately lead you to believe you aren’t compatible. And with little connection, instead of making it work, you simply dismiss the relationship.

With love, however, everything tends to be something that’s cultivated and grown over a long period of time. Therefore, it’s stable, secure and has a strong foundation.

You’ve already gotten to know each other’s bad sides, and still love each other despite them. So, when you’re faced with problems or issues, you won’t easily give the relationship up and instead work on fixing and resolving the issue.

Is infatuation a bad thing?

Love is a deep and committed attachment to someone. Infatuation, on the other hand, is something shallower. It’s the so-called honeymoon phase that every starting couple experiences.

But while this is so, it doesn’t mean infatuation is entirely a bad thing.

Relationships start with a sprinkle of infatuation. That physical attraction, no matter how shallow it may seem, is what pushes and encourages people to interact and get to know each other better. Without it, committed love just might never happen.

If you realize you might simply be infatuated with your current partner, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should give up on your relationship. With effort from both sides, infatuation can progress into sincere love.

Get to know each other a lot better, and choose to understand each other’s flaws. Start from scratch so you can eliminate any possible illusion you’ve created about your partner, and that initial spark of attraction can develop into something more genuine.