Apartment 413

November 13, 2020

Today marks the 13th of November 2020, on a Friday. So of course, I had to change my blogs release date to Friday the 13th. I have never seen this day as a bad luck type of day, in fact I made it my good luck day! Occasionally, a Friday the 13th comes around and I embrace it and manifest it as a day of good luck and good energies all around. Why have I done this? I guess all the negative connotation around this day never struck right with me, I wanted to give this day better meaning in my life. I know it’s silly, but it is my way of turning this upside-down view right side up in my head. ANYWHO, back to regularly scheduled program!

“Ya'll can find me down in San Antone, where I come from, those cowboys know just how to roll right with the flow… San Antone, San Antone,” resonated off the speakers as the Randy Rogers band sang their famous song at the John T. Floore Country Store. This weekend was one for the books and I don’t even know where to start with the story. As I replay scenarios that happened this weekend, I feel a sense of gratefulness, happiness, concern, and confusion. We had some family and friends over for what seems to go down in the history of my life as one of the longest nights. You will come to understand soon enough.

So, let us begin by talking about the weekend before I even get into this week. My blogs tend to always end mid-week because most of the time I write while I am at work and my week gets a little slow Monday through Thursday. BUT let’s rewind to Saturday really quick, because this Saturday I have to write about, like I said, “it’s for the books.” This past weekend we had family come over, and by family, I mean my boyfriend’s brother and his girlfriend. Which regardless of where life takes them, they will be my chosen family for life. Even if one day Chris and I were to not be together I can say that Tori, Lee’s girlfriend, is a sister by choice. I don’t have any sisters myself OR any girls that I consider close enough to call sisters by choice, only my roommates, hence living together. I have always considered myself a blazing fire, bright and fierce and Tori compliments my fire and makes it shine brighter. She is a fire herself, one that burns wild and unbound. Her kind of fire is one that helps people shine brighter, she doesn’t burn you as she passes by, unless you do something to spite her. But she is a kind and nurturing soul with the most fun personality. That is why she is my chosen sister. Then there’s Lee, he holds a fire inside, it is quiet but lethal. His fire is the type that does burn others because it is so sizzling hot in the wake of his path to burn brighter for himself and his future.

Lee is unlike Chris that you could possibly miss the fact that they are brothers. They have different personalities, social skills, and vibes all together. This weekend we came to find out another side of Lee, or at least I did, that I never knew before. It all started when we all agreed to go to this country concert where the Randy Rogers band would be playing. Come Saturday night we are excited and pumped to be hanging out that night. Along they brought their couple friends to drink and dance with us. It was their first time visiting us in San Antonio as an emancipated young adult couple as well. And let me just say I felt all the feels. After a long day of chilling at home and Chris working a full day at work, they arrived at our place close to 6pm. Just in time for Chris to be getting home and everyone to finish getting country ready. We drank and chilled and they got to meet our friends which was great to find out they vibe with them. Then off to the concert we went. Considering the fact, we got to the concert a little later than planned, it was still fun. We got to enjoy a little more than half a set and have a couple of drinks as well. It finished so early that we ended up leaving the venue at 8:30pm. Therefore, we all decided to head back to our place to hang for a while longer.

The after party at our place starts as any other, we all got back with the craving for more drinking and dancing. So, turn up we did. As the night progressed and more bottles of liquor and beers were consumed the environment went through some vibe changes. As the alcohol disappeared into the throats of our friends, we danced, we talked, we sang, we swayed and drank some more. The apartment was full of laughs, love, and music. As we bonded and caught up something in the air shifted. Somewhere along the lines of a couple of friends heading back home and my roommates getting home and hanging out, shit hit the fan. I’m sure it wasn’t anybody’s intention for the night to end the way it did, but for a couple of people it took a dive south and quick. Things got emotionally loaded within a matter of seconds kind of ending everybody’s night. My friend had seen a guy she really liked out with someone else, and another friend had relationship issues that unfortunately came to light with a crowd’s attention. Although, I COULD blame the alcohol for it all. What started as a night of fun ended in concern for everyone. Concern my friend who was trying a drug for the first time would make it through the night fine, concern that a relationship would survive and concern for a friend experiencing heartbreak.

Thankfully, I have Chris. Even though I was drinking and feeling ALL the feels in the spectrum as the night progressed, he somehow managed to end my night on a high note. There is nothing like a good old country concert to reminisce on great memories. Randy Rogers was the first country concert Chris ever took me to, so we were really feeling the love that night regardless of all the events around us. Witnessing peoples experiences made us hold on to each other harder. With every kiss we shared we made promises of forever that night. I can’t explain what we shared but it was unlike any recent moments we’ve had. Chris looked into my eyes and when he said, “I love you,” he made sure I believed it. The rest is history.

This week hasn’t been very eventful since, but I feel like I’ve regained control of my mind. That is a monumental accomplishment even for an uneventful week. Lately I had been feeling so out of control of sorts. I was feeling dazed and confused for lack of better explanation. I felt my days were all upside down and grey and gloomy. I am starting to let the color back in. I am starting to feel more like the girl I used to be but not the same. I am allowing myself to become the woman that I know I can be, and I am pursuing the life I want. My soul is at peace with who I am and what I am doing with my time. While I learn to also accept changes around me and learn to trust again without hesitation.