An Open Letter To My Former Friends

Nothing lasts forever ... not even friendships. Sometimes the two of you grow apart, sometimes one of you pushes the other away, and other times, well, we just have to walk away for our own sanity and health. That doesn't mean we think you're a bad person, it just means you're not right for the person we want to be.

You may even feel jilted because we quickly moved on, ducked out super fast, and didn't really explain things. The thing is, you wouldn't understand. We're not the same, and that is one of the reasons we're no longer friends.

... Now, I know some people seem to think that writing articles that reference former friendships and relationships means that the author is still hanging on or talking trash about their former friends. This is not true by any means. As an Intuitive Life Coach and Spiritual Counselor, I try to share my own stories as much as I can to help others better understand themselves, especially when they've found themselves in similar situations. This is how we help others heal and move on.

This video explains a lot about why we couldn't be friends anymore. But I want to break it down a little bit more for you.

Things just didn't click

We're not into the same things. My focus on my healing arts and mental health are important. Allowing someone who isn't caring for their own mental health into my inner circle isn't good for me.

People don't have to have everything in common, but when you have barely anything in common and you're possibly from two different generations, there's always going to be something in the way. Millennials and GenX may be one generation after another, but Millennials just don't think like us. They've had too much handed to them. They grew up far differently than us GenXers and it shows. I do get along with some Millennials, but they're always old souls. It's the young soul Millennials that get my dander up. Perhaps when we cross paths again in another lifetime we'll click ... or maybe not.

You don't match my energy

We can look at this on a vibrational level -- I vibe higher than you. But we can also look at this on the level of the energy you suck from the room. People who need to be the center of attention and monopolize conversations just don't work in my circle. I enjoy things calm and serene. If I require at least a two-hour nap after talking to someone, even online, they're not right for my friend circle. I may try to give them a chance, but if they keep draining me, I will walk away.

My energy is important to me. I need it for my own healing and for healing other people. I remember one time an energy vampire friend hung out while I was doing intuitive readings at an event -- which was rude, to begin with -- but that person's negative aura really messed with me for that entire event. It was good until they visited. Also, when friends don't support you, nix 'em (seriously). Coming to an event and making it look like someone is busy, thus making them lose clients, and not even getting a reading yourself is selfish and rude.

Negativity isn't welcome here

When someone is always negative, always complaining about others, it's draining on those who lean toward positivity. I am sure you've all had at least one friend who had something nasty to say about everyone. Perhaps they'd even start a conversation complaining about other people before even asking how your day was.

I recently wrote this piece on how our words affect our lives, and touches base on the Law of Attraction and the fact that what you put out there, negative or positive, attracts more of the same. So, if you're always negative, things will always stay crummy for you. If you're bringing your negativity it other people's lives, you're taking them down with you.

You hindered my growth

When you try to bring people down all the time, how can you possibly think they'd want to stay in your life? The stress you add to other people's lives can mess with their balance and happiness.

Perhaps you think that your wise advice about things you know nothing about is helpful, but it's not. When you give advice to people who don't ask for it you're not only harming your relationship with them, but you're letting your ego shine through. When looking for healthy friendships, it's important to find people who want to help you grow, not hold you back. This means being by your side, not trying to lead someone on a path that is not theirs to follow.

It's also important to look at your own life before you start giving advice to people. If your life is nothing but misery and unhappiness, what makes you think someone would want to follow what you say? This is why I hate advice. When I assist clients I give them guidance -- it is unbiased and it is meant to help show them possible paths, none that I expect them to take if they don't seem right for them. I don't get mad when a client doesn't take my guidance to heart because it is their right to do what they please.

Arguments are not my thing

I love a good debate on things like human rights. However, I hate arguing. Can't stand it.

People who always want to argue, especially about nonsense, are draining and confusing. What's the point? What are you trying to get across? Do you just need to always be right? Often, I think arguers just love to hear the sound of their own voices.

There's a way to speak your mind about a topic, if your opinion was asked for, without coming off argumentative. Those who can't figure out how to do this tend to be egotistical and often narcissistic.

You're an absolute downer

Let me start by saying that you can't help someone who won't help themselves. I attract people seeking my high vibing energy, they're people in need of healing, sometimes ... Sometimes they're energy vampires who can somehow sense my energy and want to squash it. These folks always have something wrong, whether it's an annoying spouse/boyfriend, struggles at work, or something else, and they tend to want to dump it all on you, their friend. Yes, friends are there for you to unload on, but you can't keep piling and piling and not do something to change your life.

Please seek therapy. I am not saying this to be negative -- therapy can help. When everything is always the end of the world and you toss it at your friends, you are harming those friendships, not growing them.

You ignored boundaries

Boundaries are important in all relationships. By not respecting them, you're not respecting the person who put them up. You're being controlling and egotistical.

I've been one to let people walk all over me in the past, but I have been working on growing and healing. This means being more assertive and standing up for myself. I will no longer allow people in my life who ignore my boundaries over and over again.

Shallow relationships have no place in my life

I need realness -- on a level beyond just being rude in the guise of honesty or talking about material things. Shallow relationships are those where it's more important for your friend to talk about what is going on in their life, they don't really want to hear what's going on in yours -- even if they asked.

Shallow also relates to the content you prefer to talk about. I am a healer and an intuitive. I am a professional writer and an intuitive reader. I have multiple degrees and certifications. I am not saying this to come off as better than anyone -- the only person I want to be better than is who I was yesterday. However, this need for knowledge makes me not at all interested in mundane conversations. Rather than talking about the latest celebs and the newest makeup on the market (unless you're a makeup artist and we're getting deep on the subject), I am not interested. I want to talk about why we're here, what you want to do with your life, or how it makes you feel to deal with the state of the world. I like those murky waters.

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This isn't to one person in particular. In the past few years, I've made some major changes in my life and some people weren't ready to be on this path with me. I always wish them all the best, even those who might have hurt me. But, without taking care of ourselves properly, we can not be there for others -- and making sure you have the right people in your tribe is one important aspect of self-care. At some point, you have to move on from harmful relationships for your soul's well-being.