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An Open Letter from my Heart to all Mothers (and Fathers, as well) Who Have Lost a Child

I Won't Add "Too Soon," Because it is Always Too Soon.

By Lisa PearlmanPublished about a year ago 3 min read
1
Mount Battie, Camden, Maine

An open letter from my heart to all mothers (and fathers, as well) who have lost a child... I won't add "too soon" because it is always too soon.

My mom recently celebrated her 80th year on this earth. Although she has experienced her share of physical ailments and tragic losses, she is grateful to still be here. Sadly, though, she has never been the same after losing my brother, Marc, to an accidental overdose in 2007.

Yes, my brother was a 34 year old adult, but he was my mother's baby boy. I see the pain in her eyes every day, now that I am living back at my childhood home with her and my dad, where my brother and I grew up in our "nuclear family" that looked so perfect from the outside looking in. Of course, the dynamics on the inside were far from the picture of perfection that one might have assumed based on outward appearances. Our lives were often filled with chaos, as my brother and I entered adolescence, and mental illness and addiction wreaked havoc on our family, as it does with so many families. My mom was an elementary school teacher and my dad, a high school guidance counselor. Despite their human service-oriented careers helping children and teens in school, there was no amount of training or experience that could prepare them enough to be able to save my brother from himself, from his mental illness, and from his destructive behaviors.

I am sending prayers, love and comfort to all who have suffered the loss of a child. Let yourself off the hook... Allow all feelings of guilt, shame and helplessness to dissipate and dissolve til they are no more, and know in your heart, you did the best that you could. And your child did the best that he/she could.

It is nobody's fault; as much as the tendency to blame and point fingers may be easy to fall into, avoid assigning blame and fueling your pain and feelings of loss with the anger and resentments you cling to in quiet desperation, as if those volatile emotions can fill the void in your heart and replace the sadness.

Your child's physical presence is gone, but his/her true presence resides within you, and within source, even more so now than when he/she was developing inside you preparing for his/her birth into the world.

You brought your child into the world without knowing his/her purpose, fate, or lifespan, with the mutual understanding that birth and death are two extremes along a continuum that coexist as a package deal. There cannot be one without the other.

Both you and your child fulfilled your spiritual contracts you symbolically signed with God/Source/Universe by manifesting your physical presence in space, as a divine being experiencing the totality of human experience for a fleeting temporal moment, a blip in the infinite annals of an integrated time/space continuum.

Your child has completed his divinely led obligation as a physical being on Earth. You, however, are still here for a reason... your contractual obligation is not yet complete. When it is, you, too, will return to Source and exit your physical container just like your child did.

In the meantime, what will you do?

Don't miss the experience that you signed up for... the clock is still ticking... live your purpose each and every day, with all of your gifts, and savor every last drop of nectar from the abundant well of life you have been granted unlimited access to. Your child is cheering you on and patiently waiting for you to cross the finish line in your own time.

With love and light,

Lisa

Written in honor of my brother, Marc, in Heaven. You done good, kid! And I hear you cheering me on!

Narragansett Bay, Warwick, Rhode Island

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About the Creator

Lisa Pearlman

Writer/iphoneographer/B.A. Psychology Empath/HSP/INFJ/Projector * I write poetry, inspiration, & informative/educational pieces on topics in Personal Development, including mental health, spirituality, chronic illness, making money online.

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