An Introvert in an Extroverted Society

“I don’t believe you two have met before, this is my husband Josh,” my wife says introducing me to another of her numerous cousins. I extend my hand to shake theirs and say, “Nice to meet you”. I then retreat inwards into myself and allow my wife to do all the talking at whatever social gathering we are at. If the title wasn’t clear enough, I am an introvert. The definition of an Introvert from Oxford is “a shy, reticent person”. This is just one of the many ways that I am at a disadvantage in my everyday life since I am an introvert. People assume that we introverts are shy and anti-social. It is assumed that we hate people and would rather be alone because of our hatred for others. This is just not the truth.

I would much rather stay in the comfort of my own home with my small group of people there than go out and be with tens of other people with whom I am less familiar. My people at home are just that, my people. I have chosen to live with them knowing I will be interacting with them and dealing with them daily. I am fine with this even though I’m introverted because these few people understand me and know that sometimes I want to sit in the officer on my computer to recharge my batteries. People outside of this group, however, do not know me and they find my silence insulting. They assume I am ignorant or unintelligent because I keep to myself. These strangers assume I have nothing to say when in reality I just couldn’t be bothered with interacting with someone I know little to nothing about.

My family and more specifically my mother, has told me that I am being rude and anti-social when I sit in the corner at the birthday party tapping on my phone or just sitting there silently. I was always forced to go interact with people and by the end of the day I would have a severe headache, I would feel exhausted, and would be annoyed with how the day played out. When I was a teenager, I used to just say what everyone else said, that I just was not a people person and that I did not like people. As I grew and matured, I realized that that was just a lie being fed to me to explain me being an introvert.

I am not like most of society, I don’t want a group of friends. I am fine with having a few people I call friends and not attempting to make anymore. I don’t have a hard time correcting my server when they get my order wrong or brings me the wrong food. I just don’t care enough to correct them. Just because I sit silently and let you manage the conversation doesn’t mean I am uninterested; I am just thinking about what has been said. I also can manage the conversation if it’s a hobby of mine or something I am passionate about, but once you start interrupting me, I am going to let you take control of the conversation since you don’t care enough to listen.

I have just as many ideas as my extroverted counterparts, and just as much to say but the difference is I won’t fight to get my ideas or thoughts out. I will wait for the proper time to do so and sometimes that time never arrives. “You’ll miss your opportunity,” they say, when the opportunity was never there in the first place.

Society is built on an extroverted foundation because extroverts outnumber introverts by a lot. This is to be expected as society seems to accept extroverts while they try to “fix” introverts. Starting from a young age in school you are forced to work in group settings with people who, if you’re an introvert like me, are not like you and are comfortable with the group. While working in a group is fine, as anyone who went to American schools knows, for some reason you are almost always the one who got stuck with the most work since you didn’t speak up during the conversation.

The loudest people at your place of employment, the ones who go talk to the boss every single day, are generally the ones who get promoted. Not because of their performance or sales record, not because of what they know, but because of who they know. Extroverted people are much more inclined to go out of their way to seek approval from their boss and to boast about something they have done. While the introverts will just do their job and improve upon their skills on their own while they watch others get promoted. Introverts are almost always silently begging for recognition as we want to feel as appreciated as our extroverted friends. We just don’t ask for it and complain to ourselves and close friends when it doesn’t happen.

This is not anyone’s fault but our own, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happens. If introverts were to be as loud and boastful as extroverts were, while still dedicating as much time to their career as they do now, I have a feeling they would get promoted more frequently and that there would be more introverted CEO’s and politicians.

There are plenty of careers that introverts excel at. Introverts tend to be fantastic writers as they can write in the comfort of their own home with their own music or ambiance. Introverts tend to be great programmers for the same reason. It would be difficult for an extrovert to sit in a room by themselves for 8 hours a day working on a few tasks by themselves as extroverts need social interaction to feel normal.

Society shouldn’t be so quick to judge introverts and deem them to be the weird ones. Even introverts have their boastful moments. Introverts have days where they look forward to a social gathering or party. While sometimes these days and moments are few and far between, they still have them. Just because I am more silent than you, and enjoy the company of myself, doesn’t make me the weird one. Maybe you’re the weird one for needing to interact with other people to feel whole.