Always Live on the Bright Side of Midlife

That’s it. You reached midlife, and who knows when that began exactly? The logical conclusion would be that you know yourself, found yourself, and got your sh&t together. What a neat little package that would be indeed.

You are many things. You are a diamond. What you are, and what you will be, are among the glittering facets. The one you address now, is the part before old age. Your collagen has done a number on you and your boobs are seeking warmer climes down south.

Here’s the thing; whether or not you have lived a neat life of piano lessons, completed homework, and married the rather handsome but boring accountant; or you pogoed your way through the eighties and rocked up to work regularly wearing the previous night’s outfit, a happy ever after with bouncing bunny rabbits is not guaranteed. You do not, however, know this until you actually reach that ambiguous age of midlifeteen.

Now is when you can take stock and make some serious decisions and amendments to your life. Unlike the idealistic dreams of your twenties, these are peppered with realism, WTF let’s do itism, and still no expected guarantee of success. However, this does not matter. Herein lies the beauty in anything you decide to pursue from now onwards.

Whatever you do or don’t do could end up in a giant pile of steaming you-know-what, so you might as well take the leap and explore new territories.

Consequently, you decide to ditch the green pond sludge, otherwise known as ‘breakfast’, the cramp inducing yoga and gluten-free water; it all gave you bad wind anyway.

Instead, you start painting, or knitting, or crafting thimble holders. Interestingly, you find yourself so busily immersed in your new-found passion, that your mental health is dancing a happy jig, you forget to eat so your stomach is like a washboard, and your self-esteem no longer has to endure the sag of shame when you see your belly droop southwards during ‘downward dog’. (Okay, maybe that was bordering on wishful thinking?)

But oh, the things you can now do! Forget chucking out the chintz — you can now ditch the strings. Spanx is far more comfortable and holds things together more efficiently (see above re downward dog situation). Traversing the earth with a permanent wedgie is nobody’s idea of fun, and the permanent string-induced grimace never worked well for you in the making friends and influencing people arena anyway.

The recipe for homemade ravioli is a soul-destroying waste of time. You’ve grown up in a household where quality food was always made from scratch, and anything convenient was for emergencies or occasional CBA moments, but you discover Tesco’s does it so well, why on earth would you try to compete? You don’t fight battles you have no chance of winning. You discard the packet evidence, sprinkle some basil over it followed by a dollop of olive oil; no one is any the wiser!

Crochet, pottery, macramé, watercolour, walking through meadows … these are all fashionable slow living pursuits. Yes indeed. You now legitimately get away with doing slow, old people stuff, and pass off as being youthful, hygge, and totally on-trend. Winner! It is acceptable now to take it easy without having to explain about the dodgy knee or worry about the dentures falling out (see previous reference to downward dog situation).

There’s really no pleasing us midlifers. Annoyingly, many ladies in midlife start to become invisible; true. Thankfully, many ladies in midlife start to become invisible; also true. This dichotomy can work to your advantage though. This invisibility can open doors to fuller, richer life of experimentation and opportunity.

It is time to pursue things you may never have attempted before. Perhaps you yearn to appear on Strictly? Or start a new business? Or volunteer? It genuinely does not matter, because, if you succeed, a few people will notice you and congratulate you (your nan and your BFF). If you fail ….. No one is looking at you anyway! No shame, no guilt, and no surreptitious adjustment of Spanx ….. (or strings if you love pain).

This is for you; to remind you, that you are not expired. I prefer to suggest that up until now you have been rehearsing, studying, and gathering empirical data for what does — or does not — work. This doesn’t mean that it’s time to stop learning and growing; on the contrary, you now concentrate more on what matters to you, and less on the expectations of others.

You pick up your pen and write your stories, you say ‘no’ occasionally, and you plonk the tube of lube next to the till with an amused smile at the awkward prepubescent boy serving.

Everyone likes a takeaway or two so here are mine:

You can’t predict the future, stuff happens, so have a stab at shaping it.

You have probably made many mistakes up to this point, so have confidence in your decisions which will now be more informed and aligned with who you are — or wish to be.

There are always alternatives to the current wellbeing zeitgeist; you don’t have to follow the trends to be healthy and happy. Substitute smoothies, water and yoga with actual fruit, herbal tea, and regular brisk walks.

Joking aside, yoga is actually magic.

Immersing yourself in something that brings you joy, is relaxing and good for your wellbeing; the level of concentration and focus on an activity is a form of mindfulness.

Be comfortable. Why look ridiculous trying to navigate heels and strings? Go for a cheeky smile. Everyone will wonder what you’ve been up to.

Afford yourself the time to pursue your interests by not making your life harder than it needs to be. Brain-fog has made me question: do I want to cook everything, every day, from scratch — or do I want to write and go for walks. Maybe all of it .., but a touch slower.

Younger people are beginning to embrace what older people have to — slow living, mindfulness, gratitude. Books on hygge living, minimalism and conscious living are being snapped up by a burned-out younger generation. Slowing down is a thing, so chill.

Finally, if society chooses — or dares — to ignore you, get your own back and do what you like. No one is paying much attention so go forth and do you.

* * * * *

It’s not always easy accepting midlife body changes. But it’s part of who I am now and there are so many advantages. It really can be a rebirth. I wrote a first draft of this some time ago—yes, I’ve been enjoying midlife for a looong time and will continue to do so as long as I have all my own teeth and no one offers me their seat on the bus!(excepting flirtatious displays of chivalry of course).

Maybe you’d like to read my other entry for the Identity challenge? 🤗

Gentle Stories of Discovery

https://vocal.media/chapters/gentle-stories-of-discovery-chapter-2