Always learning

Have you ever looked at an older person and imagine them in their youth? Were they the geek? the popular one? the bully? Then stupidly start thinking, holy crap that could be me in a few years. How would the outside world see me when i get to that age? Would i age well? Did I do enough to leave some sort of impression on anyone? Would I have weirdos staring at me like what I'm doing right now??

I have always worked with people since i can remember, and yet my favourite saying is "I hate people!" Well I guess you could say that I have been helping people since i was able to comprehend and walk and also not by choice. Living in an islander house, we were to either serve guest when they came but always serve the parents whenever they hollered. Oh, and if you didn't you would feel it for the next couple of days. Yes these days it would be abuse, but back in those days completely normal for most Island households and dare i say would still be normal in some households on the down low. Church was also a big thing, you would go to church socialise with the kids around your age and compare war wounds for the week. We would some how find it funny and make jokes at our pains, I guess it was a coping mechanism for all of us as it was a place where we can have a voice and not get beat up for it. We all knew the rules, what ever our parents say we do even if we don't agree. Also if the minister and his wife or other elders are to tell you to do something do it without hesitations, quickly and quietly. Oh and the parents would be constantly watching, if you did what you were told well your parents would be so proud in front of the congregation. But if you did something even by accident, you knew the car ride was going to be painful.

I digress, so getting back to looking at old people ( sounds stalkerish but its more curiosity.) I started working in an aged care facility at the age of 16, and again not by choice. So my dealing with other humans was mainly just serve like little maids. I didn't know much of the outside world as most sheltered kids with ridiculously strict parents. Seriously, school didn't really help prepare for the adult world. My learnings were from the novels that were designed for 'young adults' were such books by Judy Blume. Even for what is completely normal like a period, also seemed really taboo.

The only thing my mum said to me when i reached high school was "let me know if you get blood in your panties". I honestly did not know what that meant so I spent most of the time making sure I sat down gently as to not hurt myself somehow that would cause this warning from my mother.

I got a phone call from my mum in the morning asking what i was doing. I told her i was cleaning up * What most of us said as to avoid a beating!! All she said was to go to her work. Before i could i ask why, she hung up. And again so i didn't meet her wrath, caught the train to her work. Once I arrived, it seemed very hectic in the home. (mum worked at a nursing home). I found mum and she said finally! and almost whacks me, as if to assume that i could have got there any earlier because she said to. Straight away she says they're short staffed and again somehow i must have caused this by the way she was yelling at me. I made sure i was not annoyed when i asked what i can do. Somehow that was also a reason to cop a slap because I should have known. Duck or stay, duck or stay? If i ducked and she missed slapping me and i would cop it even worse, be it here (probably not because she is 'Super Sweet" in front of the co workers.) or in the car or when we get home.

STAY!

Bracing for impact, we hear a voice yelling my mothers name, and mums demeanor suddenly changed to this caring and doting mother. She introduces me quickly and tells her co worker that I am there to help. The co worker smiles at me and since i was a still a little be stunned at not feeling the whack was a little slow on my reply. Behind the co worker i could see the look my mum was giving me to say I was in shit anyway. Straight away i smile and introduce myself and ask where to start. The co worker says i can help some residents with breakfast. I was fine with that as i have done it before. As i was about to leave to start, my mother says "Oh no, she will be helping with showers."

Um excuse me??!!

Of course i didn't voice that out loud! My mum then reassures the co worker that she will train me and i learn very quickly. Well no shit, if i don't we all know the consequences for that.

After the co worker returns to her shower, my mum points to the shower door and says go in there. I said what do i do? And again with MAJOR annoyance she says 'Do you know how to shower yourself?" i nod, and she then says voice lowered and eyes that if they could kill me, they would, "get in there and get to work". Of course not wanting to cop what could be coming anyway when I get home I tried my best to calm the anxiety.

* If you are unsure what that could be. Pretty much just getting beat up with what ever they find to hit you with. eg; kettle cord, cricket bat, vacuum pipe, shoe etc. the list goes on and on.

So after a HUGE breath, I brace myself, I gave myself a pep talk. Its ok, It'll be fine, just a naked body. Has the same body parts as myself boobs, cha cha and the normal extremities....I got this!! I felt ready, this is fine, I mean I haven't really seen another naked body in real life, I mean sure I've seen naked women in picture/magazines from when I found the neighbours stash while i was babysitting. Really not a good hiding place in the storage cupboad with the vacuum?! (Now rereading this part and being older and all........EEEEWWWW!!! People are vomit!!) They were very unrealistic with boobs that looked like balloons blown up as big as they could go without bursting.

Anyway, before i lost my nerve, i walk in and then I turned right around and walked straight back out. My mum looks at me with the "move your ass" look, until she noticed i look really uneasy. I turned to her and said " Uh mum, there's a man in there." My mum said " Of course there is a man in there, everyone needs a shower NOW MOVE!". As to not piss her off anymore, i walk back in eyes to the ground, found the tap and made the shower warm. I had one had covering my eyes and the shower pointed in his general direction. All of a sudden of hear some gurgling, poor bugger i had been spraying him in the face! I felt like the worse person ever! It was then i figured out that he couldn't speak or move much. I grabbed a towel and covered his nether regions and washed his hair and body etc. When it came to the bits, soaped up the washer and squeezed over the general area of course with my head turned and rinsed. Dam now i have to dry him because this hasn't been traumatic at all.

Luckily the co worked came in and said she will dress him and asked if i could shower the lady next door. Of course I said yes and ran out. I had never seen a naked man with his bits ever, I mean I knew if i wanted to have a baby when I was older i would have to see that, and yet my first naked body was an 81 year old male and my thought was "eeeeewwww, I NEVER, EVER want to see that EVER, EVER again."

Alrighty, next shower. I knock on the door and I hear "come in". Yay someone that will give me directions on what I should be doing!

"Oh hello love, your mum said you would be helping me today!" I told her i was, but not quite sure what i was doing as this is my first day at doing this. She reassured me as a nana would and guided me in how i should start.

"Alright love call me Martha, now get the water warm, that's it. Grab the face washer, soap it up and wash my back, now my arms and my legs. OK, now my nooks and crannys." I paused for a moment and then asked "Um, what's a nooks and crannys?" These words were super foreign for me and my parents ARE foreigners?!

Martha found it the most funniest thing she had ever heard, yet I was still there confused and not understanding anything. This is where my knowledge of Australian slang started. Martha then proceeded to explain and not gonna a lie, i was pretty grossed out. I mean, I don't wanna touch someone else's coochy eeww. I gave her the washer and said i prefer not to but I'm happy to help rinse. After that traumatising introduction to the PCA world, I thought thank bloody goodness that was over.

BOY was I wrong!! Martha talked me up to the big boss, the co worker also spoke highly of me and BAM I had the morning shift tomorrow?! And as if i could even refuse?! I had my mother there. Yes this was back in the day where you didn't need a certificate or the rest of the leagalitys such as police check etc. Well in fairness, I was 16 and what trouble could i even have on a police check?? I wasn't allowed to stay out when the street light were on?!

Well, needless to say I got use to seeing naked bodies, dealing with body fluids, heck it was even normal to talk about bowel movement while eating lunch. Some how, I learnt to adapt with the environment I was in and to each resident. I got to learn about the life they had when were younger which I couldn't fathom becaue they were so old?! The idea that they were ever young was weird. They had photo albums that showed them as teens, their hair and faces looked flawless in each photo, and though the lady or gentlemen that I was speaking to had aged quite a bit, they still had the same eyes and smile. I would always joke and ask where this person was or who's photo did they borrow? They would always laugh and tell me that they were a looker back then. They would tell me about how popular they were with the opposite sex but once they found they're forever partner they had a wonderful life experience. Of course it wasn't perfect and a lot of hard work, so they always had advice on so many things. The best thing about working there was I had so many nana's and grandpa's to hang out with and learn so many different things from cooking to fixing things. Even the residents who had dementia or Alzheimer's taught me things as well like having to learn their language to communicate, or songs to also help communicate etc.

Each resident had stories of sadness, joy, heartbreak and also triumphs. They always reminded me that I should always say what I need to say, do what I want to do and not worry about what anyone says as everyone will always talk even when it has nothing to do with them so always do what makes you happy otherwise you end up in a home like them always having regret on what you should have said or done at that time.

Words that I try my best to live by as it was drummed into my head for the years I worked there. When I became the legal age to go out, that's what I did. I also didn't neglect my duties and went to work no matter how tired I was. My nana's and grandpas noticed that I was tired and would always hide me away so I could have a quick nap. They would always reminisce on when they young and tell me things that they did and some were rather risque, things that made me blush. But since I was awkward anyway I would laugh and tell them they were bad influences and give them a hug.

I now had this habit of looking at elderly people and wondered what they looked like years ago and watched their mannerism to pick out who they were similar to compared to all my adopted grandparents. I also have a weak spot for elderly, help them when I could, chatted to them just because.

I remember I was walking through the shopping centre and an elderly Asian man in front of the massage place waves at me. I smile and he says "Girl, you come." Yes I know stranger danger etc, but he was an oldie so I was like "OK." I ended up having a massage with him and he kept cracking while he was loosening up my muscles. Now at this stage of my life, I was now a qualified massage therapist. I felt so bad for the oldie so I offered to swap and he just laughed, saying "It ok, it ok". After my massage, I thanked him and gave him a tip.

When I go out to lunch and I see and oldie I say hi and have a chat. Everyone i am usually with asks why do I talk to old people etc because they're so scary or they're so old. I guess that's the way a lot of people see them. How they forget that they are still adults even if they seem to forget things or have a few more wrinkles. They have also lived life way before they were a twinkle in their fathers eye. I know that some of these oldies would have also been in the same boat when they were our age, disgusted or scared of the elderly. It doesn't make sense to me because I was worked and grew up in a nursing home and not sure what the disgusting or scary thing is?! Sometimes I would try and get my friends to see the oldies in a different light, sometimes it works and sometimes not.

We can't always get people to see things differently but we can always try. I am not saying that every oldie is sweet some are absolute assholes but again shouldn't judge they could have some crappy life which turned them into crappy people. I also have learnt that being crappy is a choice and NO one has the right to make YOU feel like shit unless you let them. Easy to say but when it is said by someone you care about ugh so hard to remember those words.

Every day is something new, where I accidently meet new people and learn more things, some are dumb but funny and others can be useful or relatable in whatever your going through. At this time in my life, I am learning how to get over betrayal and really sucking at it. I do miss my adopted grandparents to get some comfort from, where even if they think I'm being stupid they would still make me feel better or just simply gave me a hug.

I am so thankful to the oldies for everything I've learnt and memories they've shared with me to help shape me into the person i am so far, I love learning new things and will hopefully keep doing as such with the new people i am yet to meet and experiences i have yet to encounter.

Shows that everyone should keep and open mind, listen when you can and take advice when its needed. What ever will be, will be as Doris Day sings!