ALONE

When I saw the theme of this challenge, I knew straight away the bedtime story I would write about, "The Fox and The Hound". Even now as I remind myself of the (rather complex) plot through Wikipedia I feel an intense sadness wash over me. I distinctly remember the closing image of Todd the hero fox and Vixey his newfound lady friend cuddling together in front of a sunset. I stared at that picture for hours. To me, it was like staring at the moon and yearning for something impossible to reach.

My childhood was extremely sad and lonely and this book epitomised that state of being. I read the Disney picture book version of this story many times whilst in my bed as a young child and it never failed to bring my little heart to bursting point. The young friendship between the enthusiastic and playful young fox and puppy, later becoming the hunted and hunter; the bitter older dog, Chief, who would berate the young puppy for playing with someone who should be his enemy; the way the two were inseparable as friends until the puppy was taken to train as a hunting dog and came back changed and the harsh disappointment Todd felt at seeing his once best friend having grown cold towards him. This was all unbelievably sad to me.

Copper (the young puppy turned hunting dog) saves Todd the fox at the end from his master's shotgun and they share a smile before Todd leaves with his lady fox, planning to spend their lives together. This should be a happy, although somewhat poignant ending but even now thirty years later I find myself filled with sorrow. Why does this story affect me so deeply? I don't truly know.

The pictures in this book were beautiful, unsurprising perhaps when you consider that at the time this was Disney's most ambitious animated film they had ever produced. I can still picture them, albeit in a jumbled memory failing fashion - the older dog Chief in his kennel, the young fox and the puppy playing mischievously, the friendly owl and other farmyard animals, the mean-looking farmer and his shotgun, the kindly neighbour and the big dangerous bear at the end of the tale. Mostly, however, I feel the story in myself. I don't remember all the details, in fact, I had to remind myself of the plot before writing this but the emotions it evoked have stayed with me for all this time. I don't believe I could read a copy now without still shedding a tear for that lovely friendship which had no choice but to be swallowed up by the ways of the world. Maybe this is what saddens me so? Why couldn't the fox and the hounds be friends and all live on the farm together and be happy? The tiny child piece of me that is still hidden inside cries this out to me and I have to shush him and say "sorry. I don't know why the world is like this. I'm sorry it hurts you so"

The truth? As an adult, I don't know why it has to be like this either. I can espouse concepts like "it's nature's way" or "life doesn't ever stay the same" or "some things are just not meant to be" but this is merely me regurgitating ideas that have been passed to me the same way that I would pass them to that young child inside of me. I wish it wasn't this way too - but it is.

Was this book beneficial to my childhood? I don't know. It caused me a great deal of sadness but perhaps that sadness was already inside of me and the book acted as a gateway between my mind and my heart, allowing those feelings stored inside of me to come out and be felt fully in all their raw essence and power. I read that book many many times as a young child but throughout my life, I've felt it thousands of times more.