Alchemising attraction

I wanted to speak to a topic that I feel is often taboo in our culture, and is too often dismissed. That is; one of feeling attracted to a person other than one's beloved.

This came up in class today. Being a kinesiology student, in order to learn, we must of course practice on each other. Something that I feel has often lingered in the periphery of my awareness arose today, regarding working with the opposite sex, and feeling uncomfortable about that. Unpacking that lead to a raw, human conversation. One that I feel is not often had, even between friends. I had so long denied feeling attracted to another person, fearing that acknowledging these emotions would catalyse the end of my relationship...if I was looking at someone else, I couldn't truly love my partner. Is this true? Do we really believe that it is only love when it is a tunnel - feeling? Perhaps this is what it is like for some. But, I would also wager that for those couples, every now and then they may see a strikingly attractive person - Brad Pitt, anyone? - and experience the stirs of attraction within them. My teacher reminded us of our inherent nature - that at our base self, we are animals. And, as animals, when we see someone easy on the eyes, who is also kind to us, we may feel drawn to them. This does not mean we do not love the one we are with. No. It is an assurance of our animal nature, an indication that something deeply intrinsic within us has been satisfied. It need not signal a lack of love in our current relationship.

Are we to be ashamed of our true animal nature? Surely not. This would be a major design flaw. For, if we are ashamed of something, we hide it. We bury it deep. We turn the other cheek so we do not have to confront ourselves in our humanness. Do you know the consequence of this? Of being ashamed of something true in our core? We don't fully express ourselves. We hide other aspects of ourselves, seemingly to protect ourselves. I like to think of emotions as a group of people, walking on a path together. Laughing, jostling, getting along. If suddenly a gate appears on this path, dividing the group, disharmony ensues. This gate stops the flow, in both direction. This gate separates more than one being. Blocking one emotion leads to the shunning of other emotions, and thus, the dominoes fall. It affects the whole group.

I am unravelling the tightly wound ball that sees me avoiding being vulnerable, fearing that being exposed will lead to hurt, embarrassment, shame. Woven into these delicate feelings is also a shunning of love. Because love requires an open heart. An open heart feels it all. An open heart is not afraid to be vulnerable. An open heart is an open gate. Flow is seen in both directions.

I am learning how disregarding a feeling does not serve me, or serve the purpose for which the feeling arose in the first place. Ignoring a feeling is ignoring a distressed child, sending it to cry in the corner. Does this heal the hurt? No. We must face our feelings, look them in the eye, and see what is revealed there. Acknowledge the feeling. Accept the feeling. Let it be. What does it have to say to us? Are we resisting because we already know what it has to share, and we don't want to hear it, fearing how that will impact our lives? Do we realise that resisting it will only make it grow stronger? For every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. Confront the feeling head on. Sit down, have a tea with it, listen to what it has to say. Maybe it doesn't have a name. Maybe it just is, and we just need to be with it. Maybe it has a name, and a thesis to accompany it, and we need to hear it out. The point is to be present for whatever is.

Open the gate - see who journeys along the path. You might just be presently surprised.