Agree to Disagree

I’m sure you heard the phrase, “agree to disagree”. The phrase "agree to disagree" appeared in print in its modern meaning in 1770 when, at the death of George Whitefield, John Wesley wrote a memorial sermon which acknowledged but downplayed the two men's doctrinal differences. Since then, it’s been used more frequently than either of those gentlemen could imagine.

What I find amusing and often irritating about many people is the fact that while they have their opinions, you’re not supposed to have yours.

I try to avoid talking about politics as often as possible yet, now and then, the topic arises to slap us in the face. A person I know began (as always) the subject, knowing full well my choice. I’ll call him Choice B. She was in favor of Choice B. She began explaining why she liked Choice B. I listened and agreed where I felt she was right. When she finished, I tried to explain my position on Choice A. She kept interrupting, telling me I was wrong. Why did she think she had the right to express her opinion and I didn’t? It was then, I said, “Let’s just agree to disagree. Otherwise, this friendship is over because I refuse to argue.” It took almost a full year for her to agree to disagree.

It isn’t like I am professing to know everything and insisting that I’m always right. What I do insist on is having the right to voice my opinion. After all, the first amendment guarantees me the right – just like it does yours.

It doesn’t matter what our ages; it doesn’t matter our gender; it doesn’t matter the topic. It does, however, matter of who is more argumentative. I have gotten to the point in my life where I feel arguing is just stupid and a waste of time and emotion. There are too many times when a discussion ensues between two people and one is just so darn stubborn, the conversation is all one-sided – theirs!

My dad raised me to stand for what I believe in, so, it really annoys me to walk away from an argument and let these people think they are right – especially when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are not.

I will not engage in any discussion if I am unsure of the facts of my opinion. I did that once and felt extremely ignorant afterwards. It was not the feeling I enjoyed, in fact, I felt very embarrassed. I immediately apologized and quietly vowed to myself to always be sure of my facts before I opened my big mouth!

That’s why I read a lot, do much research, and do not settle for just one opinion. I check and double check everything. I just wish others would do the same.

There was one instance when my friend’s husband began a conversation about one of the small islands in Southwest Florida. I said I knew it well since a relative of mine lived there. He became indignant and said it was impossible since it was a state park. I explained that he was partially correct. One half of the island was designated a state park and the other residential. The two halves were separated by a barrier. I also explained that I’d visited my relative several times and drove to the park side of the island where the barrier had been constructed. Unless you swam into the Gulf several miles, there was no other way around the partition to gain park entrance.

He continued to argue. I pulled the county map from my desk and showed him the island and its sections. The map distinctly showed: “state park” and “residential” signs – just as I mentioned.

To my astonishment, he had the audacity to tell me that whoever drew the map markers was wrong.

For a few seconds, I stood there in dumbfounded silence. I was stunned at how ignorant he could be. Finally, I asked my friend to take her husband home before I said something that would destroy our friendship.

She called after she’d arrived home and said that she told him how stupid he made himself seem and she and I had a good laugh about what I wanted to tell him but didn’t.

This is the reason I refuse to argue with people. It just makes no sense. It wastes time and energy not to mention the emotions I feel I’m holding back when I was to scream in frustration, “OMG! Will you go home and learn how to read?”

George Whitefield and John Wesley had the right idea. When a topic arises where a disagreement is obvious, just shrug your shoulders, smile, and say, “Let’s just agree to disagree and leave it at that.” If the other person wants to continue the argument, smile, and walk away. You’ll feel much better in the end.