Adversity & Me.

Shift happens!

In spite of stagnation

procrastination

shift happens

shit changes

nothing stays the same

and this is where real magic begins

love comes in and can heal all

if we let it.

Some barriers are meant to be broken. There are day to day challenges that we all face. Some more than others. I am no different. So where did I begin to overcome adversity? Childhood was a hurdle with me being different from those around me like my family and the other kids at school. However, looking back on my life the challenges that affected me greatly started when I was an adult. Why? Simply because there were no words to describe what I was going through in those moments. Though I had learned to live with such things and they were normal occurrences to me, my experiences gradually became worse overtime. I was suffering. Let me explain: I was 22 and an Undergraduate in college. Awkward but always eager to learn. Around the age of 24, I came out and as hard as it was I had come to terms with my attraction to women.

Fast forward 3 years later, I was working full-time and I was struggling with life and I didn’t know what I was going through but it was very real. I went to group therapy on campus and I even saw a psychiatrist at Kaiser who diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder. I thought this could be it. That I finally found an answer to my problems. Only it wasn’t.

In 2012, I ended up homeless in El Cajon, CA, which is East County San Diego. There were no shelters but I had a car (before it was repossessed). Also, me and my partner at the time had very little money and resources. I didn’t handle this situation well at all and I took my frustration out on the person closest to me. At some point, things changed with my former partner getting a job and us finding an apartment. However, I was not able to find a job still and other health issues started to arise. Over the course of my time there, I grew more and more depressed, which greatly affected my participation in the outside world.

2020. The pandemic was here and I took a leave of absence from work.When I was supposed to go back, I ended up being furloughed. This became an important shift for me because for the first time ever I had so much free time. I was getting unemployment and I didn’t have to worry so much about money. During this time, I was able to finally say that I am a non-binary/trans person. Later, in 2020 I got into a long distance relationship. From the beginning, we seem to have conflicts and trigger each other. We would often get into fights about what I was going to do when I ran out of money. I didn’t want to admit it at the time that I used so many excuses not to go back to work. I was resistant to every suggestion that was made.

The following year, towards the end of 2021, I started going to this facility called Recovia. They incorporated medical, therapy and physical therapy all into one program. I was in a 6 week intensive IOP program where so many of my problems and addictions were revealed. I had so many mental health issues that I didn’t realize how they affected me so much in my life that I had to deal with them. I started taking medicine for my anxiety and depression in the beginning of 2022. It was weird at first but it helped me to the point where I was able to function and start working. I started to make better decisions and had clarity in order to move forward. Later in the year, I moved from Arizona to North Carolina. I transferred my job and continued to work full-time. I was eventually promoted to a better paying position. Also, I got accepted into a MFA program at Queens University.

Finding help and taking accountability in my adult life is how I overcame adversity. I learned that I had nothing to be ashamed of and could start over. Life is much better now that I have accepted my shortcomings and my flaws and that these things don’t make me a bad person. I am constantly growing, learning and healing. I wish I had more assistance in my childhood but I am thankful that I have more knowledge of these things now. In the end, these experiences would be a great way to advocate for other LGBTQA people that may suffer.