Addressing the Guilt Associated with COVID-19

Social distancing is not all that bad; it’s the guilt associated with the process that’s getting to me.

Isolating myself at home with food, cable TV, a computer, and an unlimited supply of books is truly a dream come true. Haven’t many of us dreamed of being snowed in at a cabin in the woods or stranded on a deserted island.

Scenarios such as these provide opportunities to dream of relaxation and time to rejuvenate. However, now that the experience is a required expectation, we are screaming for freedom and to return to normal.

However, for me, guilt is the impetus for my wish that this will all end, and the sooner the better.

I feel guilty that as I relax at home with a good book and The Hallmark Channel while my daughter continues to meet the expectations of teaching, finishing her masters’ program, fulfilling her household chores, and tending to two young children. Her husband is a prince, but together the two of them fulfill multiple roles at the same time.

They are expected to be everything to everyone simultaneously. What once was segregated into time slots within a day now occurs simultaneously. They (as many other working parents) experience this daily stress while I confine myself inside away from COVID.

I feel guilty that children are confined indoors unable to participate in athletics, socialize with friends, or experience closures to their school year. Seniors will not experience prom or walking across a stage to receive their diplomas. They will not say goodbye to their supportive teachers, coaches, and peers. Though I acknowledge no blame can be cast in my direction, somehow, I can’t shrug the ideas that as the adult I hold some responsibility.

I feel guilty that I continue to receive a retirement check through direct deposit when multitudes of others are unemployed. Sure, I donate to charity, but my financial contribution seems irrelevant while others stand in long lines and wait at food pantries for rations. I listen as the unemployment numbers increase almost daily, knowing that more people will suffer as their lives change because of no fault of their own.

I feel guilty that I could not visit my dad on his birthday. He turned 86-years-old and suffers from a respiratory illness. We’ve agreed to social distance so as not to pass germs. We talk on the phone, and I ordered food and had it delivered from a neighborhood grocery store. I text and call to say, “I love you,” and “We’re thinking about you.” But I cannot be beside him, hold his hand or simply look into his eyes and smile.

I imagine other people bear the weight of guilt. Our community is supportive and always ready to offer a helping hand to others in need. Having served others all my life as a public-school educator, the act of social distancing is opposed to my life goals and objectives. Now, we are being told the best way to love and support others is to stay home, stay away, establish a distance from loved ones.

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”

– Maya Angelou

Strategies to Support

To appease my guilt, I started compiling a list of ways to help others and discovered that some of the most valued efforts are simple and provide hope. The compiled list below shares strategies to support others that require little or minimal money.

Share a video or app with activities someone you know would enjoy. For example, exercise or workout regime, a guided meditation, cooking video, a funniest home video collection, or how to make a craft.

Many people I know have been connecting via the internet and sharing time together with a virtual wine, coffee, or tea party. Turn on the camera and use one of the many platforms available for virtual meetings.

Write a story and post it for others to read. I write a blog and find personal satisfaction from writing plus have had many readers thank me for sharing. (Just a little self-promotion, but if you send me your story, I will post it to the guest page, I AM My Best!)

Call someone on the phone. Sometimes we forget the old fashion strategy of staying connected.

“In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.”

– Flora Edwards

Send someone a loving text about a favorite memory. Let them know you cherish a moment from the past, which might be especially welcome when you’re not able to meet in person at the present time.

Make a card. This is a great activity for all ages. My grandchildren draw pictures and write letters to their great-grandfather. Write a letter to a friend. Putting words on paper is a loving, personal experience. Use snail mail to send the correspondence. It is a wonderful surprise to discover something unexpected in the mailbox.

Watch a movie together. You may not be in the same house but choose something both of you like, start it at the same time, and use a phone or internet to share comments. Don’t forget the popcorn.

Read a book together. Choose a title, establish a set number of pages to read, and set aside time in the afternoon to discuss.

Share humorous experiences. You know those stories that start with you won’t believe what I did . . . Social distancing doesn’t have to create barriers between you and your loved ones. Make time to talk.

Say hello. When I go for a walk, I shout a greeting to everybody I pass and ask how they are today. It is refreshing to hear a human voice other than my husband's.

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

– Buddha

For People Who Share a Home

When we are homebound for long periods of time, it is easy to begin to take the other people in your home for granted. Make time to do something special every day.

Give a foot rub or scalp massage. If you are lucky, you might get one in return.

Make and share a drink: a spot of tea, coffee, chocolate milk, milkshake, or mixed drink — whatever is your drink of choice. Then take time to sit down (without any technology nearby) and drink it with someone.

Create a bath experience. Run warm water, (add Epson salts, bubbles, or a bath bomb if available), isolate disturbing noises or mask them with relaxing music, fold and place a towel near the bathtub, and walk away. This could be one of the nicest gestures you can give to an exhausted parent.

Spend time in the kitchen together baking.

Play a game

Read. Set aside quiet time to read together. My husband and I spend time in the morning reading. Some couples enjoy reading aloud and sometimes we have also found pleasure from listing to an audiobook.

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of person-kind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”

– Leo Buscaglia

If at the end of the day, I can say I added pleasure to someone’s day, I can appease the guilt, and so can you.