Addicted To A Narcissist

Life has a way of turning itself upside down within a blink of an eye. We have a choice to turn lemons into lemonade. In life you make your own choices. (Some are good, and some can change your life around for the worst) We have to remember that any choice that is made throughout life has the potential to destroy us, or make us better people. We sometimes get confused and think our heart is speaking to us, when in reality, it’s just our minds failing us. A failed relationship can make you run into the arms of an enemy if you’re not cautious…..so be…be very cautious of who you allow to enter into your lives.

I grew up in a two parent household, but my mother was always the head of the household in my family. My father was there, but I always felt like I didn’t get the attention, and love that a daughter needed from her father, due to his alcoholism, drug addiction and lack of affection. By the time I turned 14 I didn’t feel loved by my parents, and because I was lacking what was needed in our household, a predator was able to get close to me. A 20 year old man (a drug dealer in the community) approached me. Due to the lack of affection and love received in the home, I fell into the trap of being taken advantage of. By the time I turned 21, I already looked for love in nothing but wrong places many of times. At this time, I had a 3 year old daughter in which I coparented with an abuser. Then, I finally thought I was sent a husband when I met Derrick. He was from Texas, and filled with southern hospitality. Derrick was 12 years older than me, and was the most loving man that I had ever met. Although Derrick was a wonderful man, I noticed within 2 years that he was a drug addict, and by far the biggest liar I have ever encountered. I stayed with Derrick and got him the help he needed, but in 2014 after 5 years, an engagement and another daughter that was 3 years old, I left Derrick due to his drug and alcohol addictions. I left hoping he would change, but he didn’t, and he moved back to Texas, left our 3 year old child without a trace, and destroyed her mental health.

When Derrick moved away, all I could think about was never being in another relationship. I was hurt, I was hurt for my child that we conceived together. At this moment, I was done with relationships forever, but then I became active on social media. In May of 2016, I became interested in men again, but wanted to make sure any man that I would meet was a great father to their children. I became familiar with a guy I saw post many times about his children, and how he loved his 3 daughters more than he loved himself. This was a guy who complimented me continuously named Timothy, so I went against my better judgment and officially introduced myself to him. 3 months down the line, we began dating and he introduced his children to me. (red flag) We were dating for months when I noticed that we wasn’t affectionate. (he said he needed to be in a relationship to be affectionate) I respected his decision because I felt like he wasn’t affectionate with every woman with that mindset. His way of thinking actually drew me closer to him. When he didn’t want a relationship after 6 months, I felt like something was wrong, but I still stuck around because he was a great full time father who had custody of his children. I then gave him a ultimatum because I didn’t want just a friendship forever. After starting the relationship, he still didn’t want to be affectionate, or even meet my parents. He would get upset if I mentioned him meeting my parents. He never called me beautiful, or even complimented me when I would get dress to go out. I began to notice him intentionally making other women feel good about their looks on social media. When I explained to him that he didn’t make me feel beautiful like he made those other women feel, he laughed and said I was too emotional for him. There was something that kept me in his presence. I don’t know what kept me around, but I did not want to leave the situation, so I stuck around. He didn’t want to kiss me or hug me, but would become very affectionate when I would threaten to leave him. He proposed, and because I thought things changed, I accepted the proposal. I then got pregnant, went through hormonal changes, and suffered with depression. When I fell into depression, and didn’t want to get dressed, or even take a shower, he would make me feel dirty, and smirk when he seen me crying. When I became overwhelmed with life, and began being suicidal, he stated that I had to leave his home. He never supported me in a time that I needed him to. The last straw came when I moved into his home (he bribed me with a free place to stay) and him and his children harassed me and my children everyday. One month after moving into his home, my mother passed away, and two days after my mother passed away, he was telling me to leave his home because i said i needed to talk to someone who will uplift my spirit. He knew me and my children had no where to go, so he would use that against me every time. His children spoke about my deceased mother to get my children upset, then he would threaten to kick my children out because they reacted to the statements about my mother. He would pull his phone out when I was crying and suicidal and say that he “was going to show the world my true self”. Eventually, I moved away and his Karma came back. Now he spends his days and nights trying to get me back. I hsve not been interested in men for a long time since, but I will always be aware of the dangers of a narcissist, and how the power of mind control can control your mental. Watch out for the signs of a narcissist!