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Abandonment of the Masculine & Feminine

by Mattie M. 4 years ago in advice
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Are you showing up in life?

“Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some.” ~ Mercy Me Through the years, I’ve learned there are wins and losses in relating with the opposite sex, whether masculine or feminine.

Our conditioning in society is based on labels, categories, niches, social groups, rules, regulations, and re-inventing the wheel.

The natural rules of relating with another individual is the same for every masculine and feminine. There is an illusion in the belief, if we take away the label, exchange it for another, it some how changes the natural evolution and growth in relationships.

The label doesn’t change anything, we’re all human creatures of habit, contain self-limited beliefs, harbor jealousy, rage, bitterness, anger, resentment, make sacrifices, invest in one another, give our time, give our patience, give our understanding, give our compassion, give our love.

We cause jealousy and anger in the opposite sex, and while the masculine and feminine can discipline themselves, in the right situation, long-term, it’s going to hit a nerve. There are no research studies, or medical evidence, that says a masculine and feminine can override the emotional center in the amygdala and limbic system 100%. Be realistic about your expectations. If this was possible, we wouldn’t have wars, domestic violence, and child abuse.

Naturally our ego gets out of control. We believe because of the label, we’re somehow more superior than the other individual. Our status doesn’t matter, relating with other individuals is either a win-loss situation or win-win situation.

Perceptions depend on what angle we see things from, whose shoes your wearing, and what phase of life we're currently in.

All of us have similar goals in life. All of us want to reach our full potential. All of us want to win in life. All of us want to be loved.

Even the generations, Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials, and Generation Z see things differently and from their perspective.

Everyone can’t be pleased, but it’s easy to allow our ego to get out of control. Are we better than the next feminine or masculine? Not really. We deceive ourselves when we step in and believe, “Our way!” Is the better way.

Other individuals are the catalyst in your personal growth, evolution, and becoming your full potential. Whether they appear to be the villain or the hero in your situation, they’re teaching you something about how you react to the situation, whether you stay in control of the situation, allow it to knock you out of balance emotionally and mentally, or if you can stand your ground, see with clarity in the middle of chaos and confusion.

There are times all of us can be unhealthy and toxic in relationships. All of us must be honest with ourselves, own our emotions, own our thoughts, our feelings, and own our actions.

The biggest damage we do in relating is interfere in other individuals lives, project our fictional story on the situation. All of us in society are conditioned to be “helpless,” play the victim role, and pretend the other individual is the only one to blame in the situation we’ve all co-created and created together.

There is “I,” and there is “You.” Why is someone the villain in your life?

Usually they’re the villain because we don’t get what we want. Now why are the masculine and feminine the villain in your scenario?

Co-dependency. This means you’re giving your personal power away to the opposite sex by believing they’re going to be the rook or knight in shining armor, the hero or heroine, who comes and rescues you from your emotional and mental distress.

First thing you will do is cling to them, focus all your energy on them, manipulate the situation in every possible way to get their attention, keep them in your life, try to persuade them why you’re the best one for them.

The feminine and masculine will do everything in their power to compete for attention. They will wear themselves out, play every trick in the book. What you will find out, in the end, is nothing will keep the opposite sex in your life for the rest of your life. They’re not meant to stay in your life for eternity.

Love is free will and free choice. There’s always a beginning and ending. And no one should be forced against their will to remain in a relationship they’re not happy in long-term. You don’t own the masculine or the feminine.

Soul-mate: This is one of my biggest pet peeves in the conditioning of our culture. Not every masculine who walks by is your soul-mate. Just because you have a sexual attraction to the masculine, you’re focused on them 24/7, doesn’t mean he’s sexually attracted to you, or your soul-mate.

The feminine has hard lessons in learning the push and pull of the masculine is teaching them to stop clinging, manipulating the situation, stalking, hanging on to them, chasing them, and trying to convince them they’re the, “One.” This is the biggest heart-break for the feminine, if they don’t learn to let go and allow things to happen naturally.

Mommy and Daddy Issues: If the feminine and masculine was abandoned in childhood emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and wounded sexually, they may be seeking out another masculine or feminine to fulfill that loss, the need to be loved, accepted, and keep chasing after the masculine and feminine who constantly abandon them in the same ways.

This is another dead, because they’re not your mother or father. It’s easy to project on the opposite sex they’re a jerk for not showing up in your life because you have an emotional and mental pattern of re-creating the same situation repeatedly.

If you find yourself exchanging the masculine and feminine every five minutes, and wondering why you’re in the same place, it’s not because the masculine or feminine is a jerk. It’s because you keep blaming them for not being your mother or father.

When you recognize this pattern, you must stop for a time, do some inner work, dig deep inside for the answers, and heal the father and mother wound, before you can move on to the next masculine.

You can never rise out of dysfunctional relating until you are conscious of why you make the choices in the first places. What are you trying full-fill in your-self? What is the desire? What is the want? What is the need? Why are you giving yourself away emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, and financially? What do you expect to gain from the situation?

One of the myths, I keep hearing, is that it’s co-dependency to be faithful to one individual, and liberation to share multiple partners, because one person can’t meet all your emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and sexual needs.

Whose job is it to meet your needs? Co-dependency is relying on multiple masculine or feminine to make you fulfill your needs, wants, and desires, and using them for self-gratification, self-pleasure, and not respecting the idea, in this theory, we’re emotionally and sexually wounding the masculine and feminine in triangle relationships. This is scattered energy. This never teaches one to be focused, emotionally disembodied, emotionally detached, and never experiencing true intimacy with the opposite sex.

This false belief tends to be abandoning yourself and sabotaging other individual’s relationships at the same time. Whether they know about it or not, you’re interfering in their relationship, manipulating the situation in your favor, and sometimes impacting their children’s lives, and financial status.

Be responsible for your actions, and stand up on your own two feet, be self-reliant, interdependent, and own your actions. Why do you need to compete with other women, there’s enough men and women on the planet to choose from? There is no reason for the masculine and feminine to compete, start drama, complexity, and wars between the masculine and feminine.

Co-dependency is not having values, morals, and setting emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial boundaries.

True liberation is setting your emotions and mind free, being consciously aware of the choices you make, the impact on how many lives it affects, the bigger picture, and recognizing while you may not see it, the emotional and mental pain maybe below the surface. Once you wound someone deeply, it’s hard for them to gain your trust back.

Usually there are losses in relating with the opposite sex, because of lack of boundaries, co-dependency, and expecting other masculine and feminine to fulfill your desires, needs, and wants.

What are you supporting in this scenario? Sex addiction, relationship addiction, creating and co-creating drama and trauma, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial pain. If you don’t like being at the end of this scenario yourself, then don’t expect other individuals to feel happy you’re invading their family, their marriage, their kingdom on earth.

Feelings, thoughts, beliefs change your whole life. The honeymoon phase of the relationship is not love. This is more and addictive high, seeking attention, and the more you fall in the habit, the more masculine and feminine you need to fulfill that high. There is no difference than an addiction to alcoholism, substance abuse, internet, food, and becomes a fixation.

Learn to calm yourself down, fulfill your own needs, and show up in life for yourself. Invest your emotions, feelings, and thoughts in someone who is invested in you 100%.

If you’re enslaved to sexual addiction or relationship addiction you’re co-dependent and stuck in dysfunctional relating skills, coping skills, and need to dig deeper for healthier ways to manage your emotions, thoughts, and feelings, instead of using another person to fulfill the empty void inside.

This is being harmless to yourself, showing up for yourself, and feeling the emotions, thoughts, and healing the inner wound. A thousand masculine and feminine can never make you feel whole and complete.

Rushing into Marriage: Every woman and man wants to hurry into marriage. When will I get married? Usually around the age of 27 and 29 when you’re entering adulthood, and learning the cause and effect or your choices. And why should the masculine invest in your emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually.

Often, more times than not, the feminine and masculine are in such a hurry to get married, and their both grown wounded men and women, that never did the inner work, combat, argue, fight, dominate, manipulate, and find themselves in a typical domestic dispute.

Natural law is evolution and growth of both the masculine and feminine. Both are always waiting on the other to make a move, grow-up, mature, educate themselves, do their inner work, and come into balance. This is in every relationship. There are wins and losses in relationships, simply because no one likes to do their inner work. All of us resist change, inner transformation, doing something different, and stepping up out of the dysfunctional ways of relating.

Unrealistic Expectations: How long have you known this person? Trust me you don’t know everything about the person. You may think so. Fortunately, the only time you find out is when you take your time, be cautious, slow down, and allow time to take it course.

When you expect to get married at age 27-29 and it doesn’t happen until you’re 47-49, you are disappointed because it didn’t happen when you expected. Everyone doesn’t get married at the same time, the same age, and you may be learning other lessons in life, the other person may be learning their lessons, and when you do come together, it will be the right time for both of you. Even if you believe you’ve arrived with the right one, life has twists and turns, and you may find out you’re with the wrong one.

It’s better to take your time, then get wound up in legal contracts, losses, and investments. Marriage is about responsibility, not creating and co-creating a bigger mess in your life, by rushing into marriage.

Timing: When it’s the right time things happen. It’s not on your timing, your way, your agenda, your ultimatums, and exactly why there are losses in relationships. If you believe things happen your way, you’ll fall a thousand times, believing everything will happen according to your beliefs, thoughts, expectations, and emotions.

Patience: This is the biggest lesson to learn in the world in a relationship. While you’re waiting, invest time in doing your own inner work. Be pro-active and prepare yourself for marriage. A husband or wife doesn’t want someone who complains, rumors, gossips, attacks their personality or character. If you can’t handle your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings, you’re not prepared to handle theirs. In the waiting room of your life, instead of waiting on the masculine and feminine to show up, use your time wisely.

When he’s ready to show-up in your life he will find his way by himself. He does have a natural navigation system, and if he’s not feeling you’re the one, then let him go.

Emotional Attachment: Just because you’re emotionally attached to the masculine, doesn’t mean they’re emotionally attached to you. This is where the feminine gets in trouble with the masculine.

Where your focus goes, your attention goes. Why are you focused on this random guy? If he’s not focused on you, then focus on other priorities in life.

Why focus your attention on someone else who isn’t paying attention to you? Chasing after the wind, the wind can never be captured. You can run all over the world, but never catch the wind.

Find a masculine or feminine who are stable, steady, grounded, and present in your life, who sees you, feels you, thinks of you, and wants to be with you.

If they’re not focused on you, this means they’re not focused on you. Our minds can only focus on one person at a time. It’s the way our minds are designed. If the masculine and feminine are fantasizing, fixated on other masculine and feminine, they’re not seeing each other, and this is abandonment and not showing up in life, and your relationship.

While we are trying to condition people to believe they’re not being abandoned by the opposite sex, this is a deception. Abandonment is very noticeable, through our addictive culture.


About the author

Mattie M.

Mattie loves uplifting individuals in a more positive direction. She is a poet, short-story writer, and working on her first novel. Writing for a cause to pay for publishing and the editing of my novel on Depression and Anxiety.

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