A Rose By Any Other Name

Imagine this.

You have just endured something that has left you in pain, possibly physical, but at the very least, emotional more than anything else. You've maybe told some people about your experience, or at least, whatever you have been able to process into word form, and more than likely the responses you have received either address the physical pain primarily, or barely addressed the emotional pain as well as you had hoped.

Or maybe you had a very positive response that really was helpful and acknowledged the emotional weight of your experience and gave you significant help processing things about the pain you are experiencing.

Either way, in each situation there is one thing in common. Whether someone has appropriately addressed your emotional pain or neglected to, the condition of suffering challenges the average human being's notions of what suffering is and how to address it.

I have given other thought and words to this idea in past posts, namely that for some reason suffering has always been portrayed as a largely negative experience and those who are suffering are to be pitied as if they had contracted some obvious disease by lottery.

Let me be clear about something before I go on. It is undeniable that suffering is painful, and should be regarded as such by those wishing to make a difference in the lives of their peers enduring it, or even themselves in their own suffering. To ignore this part of suffering is to ignore the very thing that makes it what it is, and especially what it has potential to be.

What I mean to say here is that there must also be attention given to the connotation by which we think about the origins of a person's suffering and what it means to them in their life as well as our own. Focusing only on the pain and the negative aspects of suffering (be it emotional, physical, mental or all three) not only strips it of its potential to be a doorway through which personal growth can happen, but also allows it to control one's attitude, mood, intentions, aspirations, and so on. Allowing pain to be the focal point of suffering is allowing suffering to decide who we are, what we are capable of and how we are meant to be.

Conversely, as mentioned, choosing to ignore the pain in suffering turns suffering into something that is to be avoided, or cast out of one's mind at every opportunity, and above all regarded as something we ourselves cannot share with others as it indicates that we have been defeated in our endeavor to remain upright and positive throughout life.

As you might be expecting, my viewpoint on this it so suggest that a balance between the two extremes is not only the proper way to approach it, but also the healthiest as well. As a therapist, I would have failed any client were I to direct their attention in either way, primarily focusing on their pain without encouraging insight and self understanding based on their self awareness and experience with suffering. All the same, I will have failed them to an equal degree should I suggest that their pain is "only a thing of the mind" and that all they need to do is "focus on the positive." I must therefore always encourage a deep insight into their pain by giving it all the attention it needs, while simultaneously allowing hope, growth and self love through self understanding to be nourished and thrive in the same space.

In attempts to combat the unhealthy connotation, many people have developed their own alternate way of thinking about suffering and its effects on their mentality and overall spirit. Some have chosen to forgo using the word at all, reframing their experiences with other terms which encourage more positive approach to suffering. I will always support such an approach and have encouraged my own clients in similar ways.

However, the real cure for the epidemic that is our society's way of approaching suffering isn't reframing but rather redefining the word, or perhaps even reconstructing the education and method of explaining the word to ourselves and our children. Because, at the end of the day, the word a person uses for suffering still means what suffering means, no matter what mind-trickery they must use to think otherwise. To quote Shakespeare, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," because the essence remains as it is.

My hope is that these articles are the beginning of a new understanding of suffering and a better approach to exploring ourselves more fully and deeply with the tools provided by suffering in general. And I hope that you, the reader, will join me in the upcoming articles as they explore just how we can achieve that through suffering.