A Lost Example

The amount of times I’ve destroyed my attempts of writing a novel is out of my control. Why must I feel useless to the matter? Why must fear overrule my entire existence and conquer me to the point I give up ever so often? Ever so often and any time at all? It’s slowly angering me and I’m not one to be angry. But this ones for the books and I shall prophesize the issue that my attempts of trying to make the world a better place is my lost example. It’s been lost and in a sad way many don’t even care to help me find it back. I want to continue being an example maybe not to the larger scale of being that person towards the entire world but for myself I am trying my hardest to at least do something for those I can reach out to or for those that are aware of my content.

I’m in a bitter sweet but mostly bitter stance of trying to be a voice of reason and protect what I can. Yet there’s so many. Just too many people out there that don’t care about their influence on this planet and that’s a heartbreaking, soul wrenching, spirit crippling way of expressing pain or accepting that kind of pain where we don’t do anything to pull it out but we allow for it to keep on lingering on in our current day lives. Which is a tragic movement because not only is it hurting us now but it will interfere with our future and nobody wants that. We don’t want the future fears and fears of the future to have us take an uncomfortable seat where we can’t move or leave the scenario.

It’s destroyed my entire outlook on life. Where time goes by and I don’t necessarily notice how much I’ve wasted of it by not holding myself accountable or by how much of it is spent trying to understand the concepts behind lending attention to the right people so that those same ones can strategically help us improve the quality of life and bend forward in ways where we can adjust and move away from the evils lingering on in the air. The evils lingering on in the air reflect the issue of “energy” and this energy may not always be completely bad but due to the things that get sent to the void the world has been compressed into a strong state of denial and pain where the cure is reachable it’s just not “allowed” because many people may abuse the power, control, and limits regarding the way of finding the cure to living a better more proper lifestyle in which would benefit all lives because living in any kind of fear or negativity would no longer exist on our horizon.

My example has been lost. Maybe since it’s been gone for such a long period I’m now on the hunt for the words I used to use to help coax myself and help me begin to setup self awareness to the point where I won’t any longer need to pretend that I’m okay. Pretending to be okay is nowhere close enough to being safe or for in ways where hurting yourself and harming your life intentionally or not is damaging the matters of life in the personal set and in the upscale of a social life that needs attention and happiness.

I’m wrecked. Completely. My lost example shuns me from the world and it’s painful to experience. It may not psychically hurt but the pain is so deep in my heart that it’s been controlling my new attempts of beginning a revolution and holding it out where the revolution may conclude and include all of the things I need to release and press through for the limits of my will to fulfill for the world are ending very suddenly as I feel I have no more reason for the pain I am sinking in yet for the last time of my life I am only feeling sorry because I feel I have not done or said enough to see if the world will forgive itself and if the people of the world are ever willing to make that change and attack the movement I ever so desperately needed.

Something else though is that I am looking forward to seeing the new concept of practicing holy ways and prevailing a faith so strong that you can feel it in your bones the effects of how good making efforts turn out to be. This may never come true or be bold towards its true great extent of being on a high scale but I do still pray, wish, and dream for it. The enduring concept of accepting peace only pushes me to keep going on in my life as my lost example is my true purpose and although I may never find the true form back I still have new ideas, vibes, waves, and intense intentions to display.