A friend in Deed

Every single person I have talked to agrees that this year has tested them.

My year didn't start out too bad. I had a job as an interim manager for a luxury retail company just barely making enough to get me through the month but I had my health and an incredible team! We looked out for one another and managed to create a little family amidst the drama that comes with working in retail...and then everything changed.

A new regional manager was hired and the first thing he did was hire his close friend to take over the position I had done in the interim for over a year which meant I got a demotion (thanks for your hard work!). Then my dad who had previously suffered from a stroke's health took a turn for the worst. I took some time off from work to help but on my return, I was transferred from the flag ship store and my team and eventually lost my job. This is how I ended up homeless.

At first I took it in stride. I grew up knowing that life is unpredictable and adversity builds character and prepares us for what's to come. In fact, my favorite saying used to be 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going!' I wasn't immediately worried. The weather was decent enough so I mostly slept in my car and when it was bad I used Airbnb. The thing is, I have friends, great friend who would have taken me in a heartbeat had they known but Pride obviously goeth before a fall so I kept it to myself and I soldiered on. I tried employment agencies but they just sucked my soul dry, you work all day and make peanuts and the agency takes more than half of your earnings.

Throughout it all there is one person that stood out to me above all others. My former team mate and now someone I consider a brother from another mother Antoine. He sensed that something was wrong and opened his door for me unconditionally. He knew a direct invitation wouldn't work on me so he told me that he was coming out of a difficult relationship and was hoping I could stay at his place and keep him company. I convinced myself that I accepted only because I owed him. A year prior, I lost the one person who loved me more than anyone else in this entire world. My grandma. We were thick as thieves and she was my home. Despite the cost, I was, always found a way to travel to Kenya, to my village to see her. When she passed, I started a GoFund me page and shared with a few friends in hopes to make enough to travel for the burial ceromony. Without asking, Antoine lend me $1000 and made my burden 10 time lighter!

In the previous year, I had attempted to switch Provinces from Toronto Ontario to Edmonton Alberta, even managed to land a decent paying job there. The plan was simple, make enough money to either move my family there or return in the future with something saved. With the exception of the 2 friend I made, the people in Alberta were ruthless. Everywhere I went I was looked on with suspicion and hostility, even my coworkers ganged up on me and tried to get me fired for no reason other than my skin color. They constantly twisted my words and even gestures of kindness were somehow twisted. I invested so much on that move because I wanted to make enough to finally get a home so that my daughter who was three at that time didn't have to live in a basement her whole life.

Life had other plans for me though, so I had no choice but to resign and return to Toronto with nothing to show for other than disappointment and an overcharged credit card. Fate works in mysterious ways though! I woke up at 2 am with a compulsion to start driving back to Toronto. It was a feeling unlike any other so I chose not ignore it and to this day I am so glad that I didn't. I drove with no break and nearly lost my life twice on the way but I made it back in one piece. I arrived at my baby mothers place in time to find out that child services was coming to potentially take my daughter because there was some complaints of neglect from her day care. My baby's mom was overwhelmed but had not said anything to me. My daughter and I had always shared a unique bond so when the Child Services representatives came to visit, they could see the joy and happiness that my daughter had on my return. They opted to close the investigation when I assured them that I would stay and support my family!

I was fortunate enough to get a supervisor job at the luxury retail store and although I was making 10 dollars an hour less than what I was making in Alberta, it still allowed me to support my family. Then my manager at the time vanished without a trace within the month and I was asked to take over as an interim manager in flagship store. I accepted the challenge and dove in. There was a lot I didn't know about loss prevention, but I made a point to utilize every resource I could until I became competent enough. On my third month I even won the award for best back of house support employee and at the end of quarter, my team was took the award for Best Back of House Team! Anyone who has worked in Loss prevention or security would tell you it's almost unheard of for Loss prevention to win any awards!

Shortly after that, I was replaced and pushed out. A new regional manager decided that his friend would do a much better job and demoted me, then eventually transferred me to another store. This was the final straw.

I didn't have the heart to tell my baby's mother that I had lost my job so I just moved out. I would go to my friends Antoine's to shower and change clothes and continue applying for jobs. I managed to land a solid opportunity with Morguard company to manage one of their malls as security manager. I went in for multiple interviews and managed to impress the panel enough that I was given a tentative offer. Antoine and I were discussing how to celebrate this rare win when the curse struck again and the offer was redacted by a VP who had not even met me but apparently had someone better in mind. Sometimes in this world it's all about who you know. So there goes all the gas money I didn't have, the suit I had to purchase with my last cent and my pride.

Most of us have been in that place when you have given your very best and still felt short, but you knew you couldn't have done better had you tried! I didn't despair and eventually landed another interview for a supervisor job which was yet again a level down but at that point I was ready to settle for anything. I just needed to make enough to at least afford a place to live. As I was driving back from the interview, I was pulled over by a police officer because my license plate tag was expired. He asked for my Insurance and walked away before I could find it and came back with 3 tickets equaling a little over $700. My account balance that day was $-475 ($500 overdraft).

He berated me and made me feel like the worst human being literally on the day right after George Floyd was gunned down. There I was, a black man at the end of rope, and there he was, a white police officer swaggering and flexing barking and berating. No one in this life has ever made me feel like less of a human being than this police officer, NO ONE! Everything I tried to say to him fell on deaf years. To him I was just another good for nothing black man who was speeding out of the exit ramp when he deliberately hid to catch people because the speed drops from 90 to 50. He gave me three tickets, told me am lucky he didn't impound my car or take my license and got in his vehicle and drove away. For the first time again in my life I considered just walking into traffic and ending it all! It was true I was speeding because my gas tank was empty and I didn't want to get trapped in the middle of the highway (one of my phobias), when I told him this, he snorted and responded by saying, 'speeding drains your gas even more' and walked away leaving me with an empty gas tank and stuck in the one place I was avoiding. This was during the onset of COVID when I couldn't ask anyone for help and there was literally no cars on the road. I want to be clear that I do not think all police officer are bad, in fact I have some friend who are excellent police officers, but this guy..this cop definitely did not see me as a human being!

I don't know how long I was on the side of the highway thinking some very bad thoughts. Hours later my phone beeped..it was Antoine again messaging to see how the interview went. I didn't respond but obviously that message saved my life. Someone cared. I also had a screensaver picture of my daughter and that reminded me why it can't end there. I closed my eyes and said a prayer and just turned on my empty gas tank car and it worked. I drove to Antoine's house and for the second time ever in my life, I cried. It wasn't so much sobbing as tears just fell. When I composed myself, I looked online for the division of the officer I had dealt with and send a message to his Sergeant. I still have the email and his response. I don't know if he ever looked into it but he took time to reply saying he will and that helped me move on.

I got the Supervisor job in Health care and despite being homeless, I focused on working towards affording a place to stay. Thankfully the Canadian government was looking out for its people and so with CERB benefits, I was able to pay a few urgent bills and even afford two decent meals a day. I crashed on Antoine's couch when I could and Airbnb or my car when I couldn't for a little over 4 months until I was able to save enough to get my own place. 2020 has been my crucible year but I have one special friend to thank for still being here to see what the future holds. My friend Antoine has been an Oasis, he has been a friend in deed, and a brother.

I urge that you don't feel pity when and if you read this. Here is my message and lesson!

I have failed so many times. I will most likely fail again, but is it really failure if I am still stepping up? Nothing worthwhile comes without risk. My journey thus far has been quite disappointing. I have worked for hours, days, years! I have given everything and sometimes even more to try make things work. I have been ridiculed for my passion, for trying to reach beyond limits I set for myself and eventually through persistence I have even won over some of those who ridiculed me. I have also been a slave. The generic definition for a slave is 'A person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them!' We fight hard to become slaves because this is what we are taught. Think about that!

This is what I have learned through it all. Embrace your present, acknowledge your past including all your mistakes and just take a step towards the future with a belief that all will be well no matter what. You have already made it this far! You have already survived what you thought you might not and live to tell the story. Believe just a little more. In life, in those around you who have earned your trust, but most importantly, in yourself

by Enoch W