A Cabin Weekend in Wisconsin Turns Ugly

My husband has friends who own a cabin in Wisconsin and they invited us up for the weekend for lake-time, cabin-time and of course drinking-time. Someplace to relax, enjoy friends and scenery and shut off your work brain for a few days.

It was about a three-hour drive for us on a beautiful day and there were fun little shops to browse along the way. We were fully loaded with fresh, warm, squeaky cheese curds, gourmet hand-made snacks and, when we stopped for lunch, delicious craft beer you can only score in Wisconsin.

Once we got into the backroads leading to the cabin we spotted a black bear in the middle of the trail - first one I've ever seen in person. It looked at us as we slowed down and then ran off to the right side of the road and climbed a tree. It didn't seem scary or too scared, more curious of us than anything. Beautiful nature out there.

We eventually pull into the cabin driveway and are greeted by our friends and are given the tour and low-down. It's very nice and relaxing, just what we needed and there was a fully-stocked refrigerator and pantry of goodies, grill-ables and drinks, in addition to what we had brought with us. Time to relax and enjoy.

Later that afternoon they introduced us to the owners up for the weekend in the cabin next door, Chris and Jan, who it turns out are lesbians. That really isn't a big deal to us, people are people, and what is wrong with finding another person to share your life with that makes you happy? Apparently the lesbians (that's how they referred to themselves so I hope I'm not being disrespectful) throw a large 'lesbian and friends' party during the summer and we just so happened to be there on that weekend and got invited. The party was tomorrow, Saturday afternoon/evening, so we were looking forward to a bonfire, sharing of great food and meeting new people.

As the sun was setting, Chris and Jan joined us on a pontoon ride on the lake. We watched a captivating fireworks show and the breathtaking view of the night time skies - SO many stars. In the impromptu topics of conversation, I at one point dropped that, although I rarely mention it, I am an atheist (feeling comfortable with people that you feel you can trust and won’t judge you may cause you to say more than you usually would in front of strangers. And the booze didn't help).

I was raised Lutheran and understand the teachings of the Bible but in my case, it just doesn't ring true that there is a higher being or heaven and hell. When we die we are gone, just like every other species, plants or animals or literally 'other'. Ashes to ashes – dust to dust.

My opinion is that most people tend to rely on a deity of any kind, something that gives them the feeling that someone or something is watching over them and can give them hope of going to heaven when they die, regardless of how they act. The ultimate forgiveness that wipes the slate clean. Wearing dress clothes to sit in the front of a sermon every Sunday on my day off to reward me for good behavior and easily forgive me for bad behavior just isn’t my bag. I understand that religion offers a togetherness, a sense of community that many don't have in their lives. It also teaches people to show compassion, respect others and share kindness. I just genuinely have compassion and respect for others and use kindness because there really isn't any reason not to.

Flash forward - it's Saturday early evening and I wake up from taking a nap after being in the sun all afternoon (and I had already thrown back a few cocktails to burn off the hair of the dog from Friday night) so by the time I'm awake and ready I see that the next door party is well underway. I walk over and there are several people, mostly middle-aged women, hanging out in the yard around a bonfire, playing yard games or just chatting in groups and enjoying themselves so I head towards the cabin to see if I can find anyone I know. I walk into this huge beautiful log-cabin room LOADED with women – standing-room-only - drinking, chatting, making something that smells delicious in the kitchen, solving puzzles on the table, card games, you name it. I look around at a million stranger’s faces and finally spot Chris from yesterday's pontoon ride. She looks up from the crowded table where she is playing cards and sees me and her eyes light up. There are literally about 50 women in that cabin and she stands up, points at me and yells 'Hey Everybody, there's Lisa the Atheist!'.

You could hear a pin drop. Everyone looked up at me and just silently stared like she had said I had COVID. They did the whole ‘check you out up and down’ and finish that by looking you in the eye like you DO NOT belong.

I'm not confrontational in general but I am also not a slouch and you don't want to piss with me when I've just woken up. If I do stand up to people acting like a jerk it's usually to defend a friend - I am a rabid protector of the underdog - but this time it was ME. By myself, in front of a LOT of judgmental, sneering people. I looked around this HUGE room of women and was kind of in a panic. I had NO idea what to do.

As my brain was racing I almost did the classic passive Mid-Western mental response 'Just let it go' by simply turning around and leaving but something in my brain told me not to stand down. Something that made me realize what was happening in that room and how many times over my lifetime I've seen this kind of toxic behavior so instead of being in a panic, I was instantly PISSED off. I stood up straight, held my chin up and said with as much serious attitude as I could muster: "YEP. That's me. I AM Lisa the Atheist." Then I made eye-contact with Chris across the room and said "And thank YOU for pointing that out in front of everyone."

Then I turned around and walked back outside.

Chris supposedly 'felt bad' so she went outside and talked to my husband and apologized for upsetting me. Apologized to HIM. He came up to me afterwards and asked me about it trying to figure out why I had 'stormed' out like that. He told me what she said to him and she had severely downplayed what actually happened and her part in it. I told him my version and he added that the last thing she had said to him after saying she was sorry that I was upset was “But OMG, how can she be an Atheist????”.

I did not get an apology from Chris or anyone else. Not one of them engaged conversation with me after that. I considered going back to our friends' cabin to just get out of there and hang out alone but then I thought ‘FUCK THAT’. I was invited to this party and I am going to stay so I grabbed a beer and spent the rest of the night sitting at the fire with my husband and our friends, chatting and having fun despite the stares and sideways looks and whispers and giggles. I found out later that Chris had pretty much convinced everyone before I showed up that day that I was some kind of uppity cheerleader snot who is too cool for 'God'.

I can honestly say it was the most impressive example of high school clique bullying, 'Mean Girls'-style by middle-aged women that I had ever seen. Actually by any women, including the girls from my own high school. How sad is that?

I was easily the youngest there, pretty enough, in good shape and can come off as dumb because I'm a blonde. You don't even have to open your mouth - everyone just assumes it. On that note, it can actually be strangely rewarding observing how people act and talk when they think you are too daft to follow what is going on, an open invitation for them to belittle you when they aren't aware that you are letting them do so for your own personal entertainment. The more they do it, the more stupid they look. That is my favorite Catch 22. I have no room for people like that so it's not worth explaining myself to them, I just shut my mouth and enjoy the show and usually never see or at least hang out with that person again. By the way, I have a mechanical engineering degree and currently work as a software programmer. I actually don't tell too many people about that because they get weird on you. It's like they are afraid they may say something dumb so they just act awkward around you. Oh, and they assume you are richer than shit – funny stuff. I'm not trying to brag, just explaining some of the weird behavior people bestow on blondes. And apparently people they perceive as smart or rich.

But I digress...

Since when did the church have a big history of doing anything supportive for gay people over the years?? I know there are congregations out there that are changing their story and opening their arms for new kinds of members and relationships and I think that's a great step forward but at the time of this story most of the religious rules and laws concerning gay people were still very anti-supportive. And how does Atheism piss you off more than the massive religious 'LGBTQ boycott'?!? Apparently I can respect your freedom of choice but you can't respect mine. I hope that helps you sleep better at night knowing you're a bigot.

Overall, I was blatantly bullied at a cabin on the lake party but here's how they failed:

1. I will no longer submit to bullying of any kind (and that shit was MEAN and completely unnecessary) so you've just made me a believer of standing up for myself and my life choices.

2. They made time to 'prep' on who 'Atheist Lisa' is, making sure the WHOLE party knew who I was when I showed up alone. I am sure they were expecting me to cry and run home for the rest of the party. I was set up. MEAN. Instead of giving them that pleasure I stayed, looked them all in the face and spoke up. There could have been a million slurs and swear words I could have used but that type of retaliation really isn't necessary, it brings you down to their level and I don't want to go there. The fact that they were all lesbians isn't the point - it was a large group of people ganging up on one unsuspecting person. I also maintained my presence in the face of that nastiness. I actually feel like a better person for how I reacted so thank you.

3. I didn’t judge you, you as a large intimidating group judged me. So if you think that’s how religion wants you to act then you are sorely missing the point.

Lisa the Atheist 1, Judgmental Bullies 0.