8 RED FLAGS to Spot in the Beginning of a “Relationship”

We all have red flags, unfortunately. That’s just apart of life. If you think you are able to come to the table with imperfections and run into someone when none themselves, well maybe dating is not for you. Red flags are not the issue, ignoring them is. The earlier you notice things, the earlier you are able to address them and/or get used to them. Problems fixed now are arguments avoided later.

1. NIGHT BAE!

Okay let’s be real! No one with a job and priorities has the time to talk ALL DAY LONG! However, we all have the ability to communicate and make time for what we want. So if you are getting to know someone and find yourself catching feelings for them BUT you notice that they only have time to talk at night… hmm… RED FLAG!!!

One thing you definitely want to take note of is, is it a certain time at night every night that they are able to talk???? Nine times out of ten, this means that there is someone else. You always want to give people the benefit of the doubt so hey, don’t jump to conclusions but if this is someone that you want MORE with… you have to ask!

A lot of times whenever you ask these questions, you get lies. You cannot back down. Ask for a morning text, ask for a midday call. It’s possible. None of it is TOO MUCH! Regardless of the WHY, it’s a red flag. You are NOT A NIGHT TIME BAE!… unless of course you want to be. That sounds more like a booty call situation to be honest!

PS.. Another way to get to the bottom of this is through FACETIME! Notice the background are they outside? In a closet? In a corner? Whispering? If so, ask for a tour of the house. Don’t be weird & say “show me your house”. Bring it up in conversation in the most normal way. Don’t give any hints that you find them doing what they have been doing if this is what you are going to do.

PSS… something I do not recommend unless you are desperate is calling them from a blocked number😂😭😂😭 do not do this at night! Do it during the day for a week. Call from a blocked number twice and a friends phone the other days. Pay attention to the background. And also pay attention to the fact that they DO HAVE TIME TO TALK, just not to you!

2. SEX BAE

This isn’t a red flag for everyone but it is for anyone looking for something deeper. My friends always ask, well how do you know if he wants you for you? Simple. Make him wait. Make him work for it. Unfortunately sometimes even when you do that, you never know but I can tell you the red flags of whenever it’s obvious that, that is all they want.

If the first compliments are all about your body and none about your face, RED FLAG! If they ask you questions about the bedroom RANDOMLY without it already being a part of the conversation, RED FLAG! If they respond to having to wait in a weird way, RED FLAG! If they seem to be doing all that you asked but do not put any emotional connection into it, RED FLAG!

What do I mean by that last part? Okay so let’s say you say, in order for us to have sex, there has to be 90 days of us dating. So okay cool he agrees. You date for 90 days and it’s cool but is he truly letting his gaurd down and putting in real effort. What all is he doing to steer the conversation? You can find out everything about a man and think you are getting to know eachother but in all reality to him it could just be an interview for sex. How often does he bring up things and steer conversations that allow you to connect on a deeper level.

Unfortunately there is no real way to avoid this other than leaving them alone. If you seem to really care for the person but want more, you have two options… have sex and see if the connection then deepens or cut them off. I can’t recommend either because honestly you just never know. A man could get to know you for a year, have sex with you today and leave you tomorrow. You could also have sex on the first night and stay with someone for a year. Communication in this area is best. If they are not putting in the real effort back… leave them alone!

3. THE DISAPPEARING PHONE BAE

Everybody knows what phones are for. Communication. Your lil bae does not just use it to communicate with you but with everyone else too. They are not hiding their phone to keep you from seeing a message from their mama or homeboy but they are hiding it incase something that you definitely do not need to see pops up on the screen.

One moment is when they are sleep, where is the phone? I’m not going to lie, I sleep with mine under my pillow but that is just so I can hear it right under my ear if it rings. I think it is weird to sleep with your phone in your pocket, or in your pillow case, or just anywhere like… weird.

Another moment is when they leave the room for something short. Pay attention. If they walk out the room texting, that’s not weird. If they leave their phone and then walk in as if they forgot something but then pick up their phone and walk out, that’s weird. Because… you were coming right back anyway… what do you think I will see in 30 seconds to a minute?

4. TILTING BAE!!

This is pretty straight forward, if you are sitting next to eachother and they tilt their phone to where you cannot see what is going on… RED FLAG!!!!! Because first of all, I’m not really looking in your phone anyway but you continue to hide something. Interesting. All you can do is look, in that moment. Ask in that moment. “What are ya hiding?” Don’t get mad. Don’t get upset. Me, I would laugh. I would say, “haha, what are you hiding?” Because you cannot force someone to be real or honest. All you can do is ask and find the evidence yourself. A lot of times, you want to find things IN THE MOMENT. So if they act shady in that moment, ASK IN THAT MOMENT! OPEN YOUR EYES AND TILT YOUR HEAD WITH THE PHONE!

DO NOTTTTT notice weird behavior and then wait until they are sleep so you can overthink yourself into looking through their phone. One, because by then it could all be gone and for two, let it be talked about when it happens.

5. WHAT POST BAE?

Okay so we’ve all heard normalizing for social media post to be random and not relatable. I agree to a certain extent. Let’s just ADMIT IT!! You are not going to post or repost something that had ABSOLUTELY no relevance to you or makes you laugh in any type of way. If you find it funny, that’s relevant. Certain shit, like song lyrics (which can be googled btw) isn’t relevant for the most part.

But if your significant other posts “I been alone so long it feels like I don’t need anyone”… honey, that’s a RED FLAG!!!

“Single”

“I have nobody”

“I need to stop giving second chances”

“I hate when people don’t text back”

“I miss you”

Or just anything that points to like… weird shady tweets towards someone and you KNOW it’s not about you… THATS A RED FLAG! Those are just baby examples but we know that a lot of things go BEYOND THAT! If you notice it, don’t just question it but check in and see like if they are okay. Then question it 💀 And if it continues after being told whatever excuse, leave them.

People say sometimes my tweets have no relatable, but okay so would a woman tweet “I’m a man”? Because that has NO RELEVANCE but would she tweet it…? No. Or would a straight male man, tweet “I’m gay.” NO! It seems like an example that doesn’t fit but it does. Because the argument is that I don’t post things that have anything to do with my life, I just post. Consciously, sometimes that may be true but in SOME WAY, a lot of your post are actually very relevant whether it be subconsciously or consciously.

6. INSIDE BAE!

NOBODY and I mean NOBODY wants to be in the house 24/7. I am a homebody but I still need some sun. I still need to experience life in some way. Whenever you meet someone who you like, you want to experience it with them. Ofcourse like I said earlier, no one has time to do it ALL THE TIME but if you have the time, ofcourse you want to do it. This doesn’t mean life has to always be dinner and movies or Paris and New York or luxurious dates but there are plenty of FREE ways to experience life outside of your house with a partner. People think oh I don’t need to do all of that before we have a title but that is not true. You don’t even know someone for real until you realize how they act in public or how they treat you in public.

So if everytime you bring up getting out of the house with them, they bring up an excuse… well… RED FLAG! And if the ONLY place they are willing to go is to the movies on a Monday or at night on some random ass night then no .. I’m sorry. That’s a RED FLAG! Notice it now. Bring it up now. Express that you need more and if they cannot give it, RUN NOW!

Sometimes the excuses are valid so instead put the hall in their court and say well hey how about you come up with an outside date night for us. If they have nothing within the end of 30 days from that point, get out of there!!!

7. JEALOUS BAE!

Yes there are red flags. And if you see them, you should address them. BUT someone who addresses EVERYTHING YOU DO AND WHO YOU GO WITH AND WHERE YOU GO.. that is a red flag! Then, to top it off if they come off as not believeing you or asking for proof every chance they get. This person is jealous and controlling and if they act this way in the beginning, it will ONLY GET WORST!!!! The longer you stay, the worst it will get! Do not stay here.

It starts off with them becoming angry with you for hanging out with family and friends. Then it turns into not even believeing certain family or friends are your family or friends. Or asking for your location or whatever. Either way, it’s weird and should NOT NOT NOT be done, especially in the beginning. If you notice this, RUN!!!!! there needs to be no conversation had here. They have a lot of healing to do.

9. BROKE BAE

Okay so this is tough because we don’t all share this same view point! HOWEVER! I believe that on the first date, the man PAYS FOR IT ALL. Down the lines I believe in give and take, meaning that you can take turns but if you have to split the bill on the FIRST NIGHT.. for me.. that’s a RED FLAG!!

Also down the line, if you notice your partner always stunting with money on social media but never having any in person, RED FLAG.

If they NEVER PAY FOR ANYTHING, RED FLAG!

Honestly this is just self explanatory. Do not take signs of not only being broke (because we all been through hard times) but also signs of lack of ambition as a game. Those red flags will suck you DRY!!!!! Lack of ambition could be them ALWAYS wanting to hang out (when do they work), ALWAYS SLEEPING OVER and having no where to go the next day (go to work), ALWAYS with their friends (do any of you work?), ALWAYS out drinking but behind on bills (so you make money somehow but don’t save any of it). Just pay attention.

Okay this is all I have for now! Red flags come and go! If you have a red flag that you have noticed that I did not mention, feel free to email it to me and I will add them into part II! [email protected]. Also, feel free to send all advice questions to that email as well!!

Thanks for reading!