8 Powerful Pieces of Advice For Single Ladies

From an early age, women are forced to believe that they are not complete without a man. You have to be married to be happy. You must be married to have children. You are worth nothing without a man.

Today, 21st-century women have a different narrative of what it means to be single. For both men and women, being single means freedom. It means liberation.

For me, being single means that I can do whatever I want without anyone’s approval. I can move to a new city from time to time without considering someone else’s interest.

I can shop for myself, take myself out on dates, eat anything I want without worrying about what the other person thinks or them paying the bills.

I have my space all to myself. I can watch any channel I want and not fight over the remote with someone or worry about them moving my stuff without permission.

Women have incredible power when they are single than when they are in a relationship.

Without single women and their impressive sense of self, we’d be without Queen Elizabeth I, Marie-Sophie Germain, Susan B. Anthony, Florence Nightingale, Jane Austen, Harper Lee, Diane Keaton, and me.

I discovered that the more successful I am professionally, the happier I am, and the less I worry about not having a man by my side.

I have a lot of professional confidence. I like to be alone. If I were in the wrong relationship — as I’ve been in the past, I would be miserable and not experience this sense of autonomy that I feel now.

Women need to understand that being single is not a curse. It is a blessing and contrary to what society would have us believe; it is a time when we can enjoy and live our lives to the fullest and in service to humanity.

So to all the single women out there, these are my top 8 pieces of advice to help you become more confident and loving in yourself.

1. “Someone’s lack of reciprocation is not an invitation for you to convince them of your worth.”

Lots of people take their relationship status way too seriously. And love is the most venerable place you can be at some point in life.

When some people fall in love, they revolve their lives around the person they love. They obsess over how to please their partner, and they want to be together all the time.

They make up an insane idea that they are not complete without the one they love, and when the love isn’t reciprocated, it can leave you feeling rejected and depressed.

You don’t have to use rejection as a reason to prove your worth to somebody who doesn’t see your values. It’s not your fault that the other person doesn’t feel the same way.

You cannot choose who you fall in love with, and you can’t control how people feel about you. If you love somebody and they don’t reciprocate that love, you have to move on and let them go.

2. “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”

Some people are in the habit of seeking approval from others for their existence.

It is your life. You have control over what you choose to do with it and who you choose to be.

You don’t have to take permission from somebody else to be yourself. People will respect you for who you show them you are.

Share things about yourself so that they can see your potential. There is no point in being very valuable and keeping it a secret.

A part of all of us thinks we shouldn’t tell people about our struggles- our failures and victories. But you should, because that’s how they’ll see how valuable you are.

You have the power to make it easy for people to see your worth.

But remember, your values are not tied to what other people think of you. You must learn to trust in your own definition of who you are.

When you feel confident about yourself, that beauty will radiate all over you, people will see it, and they will respect you for that.

3. “Approach a difficult conversation with warmth and vulnerability.”

Have you ever been in a difficult situation and you share your problem on a social platform and then this person responds to your message with kind, warm and reassuring words?

Reading that comment made you feel light as if a great weight had been lifted off your shoulders. So much so that you forget all your problems, your pain, and the struggle you were going through.

That’s how we should talk to ourselves. Because when we are facing a challenging situation, the pain can be overwhelming, and at some point, we need somebody to speak to us with compassion and empathy.

You can be that person to yourself too.

Most people talk to themselves with a lot of bitterness, and those negative words you say to yourself can do a lot of damage to your mental health.

That voice in your mind that says things that you don’t say out loud has the power to lift you up during any tough times. Let it speak to you with calmness and optimism every single day.

4. “Every time you break your boundaries to please someone, you love yourself less.”

As a single woman, what are your boundaries? Do you even have any? Well, you should start making a list of things you can’t tolerate or compromise in your life.

Boundaries describe how emotionally close you’re willing to let people get to you. It describes the things that you are willing to tolerate in a person.

When you love yourself, you will set a limit to how people consume your time. You will not make yourself available to every single person whenever they want you.

Your boundaries protect you when your heart feels weak or when you’re confused about a person. It is where you draw the line when people do not live up to your expectations- at that point, you decide either for them to change or you quit.

Every time you break your boundary, you undervalue yourself and settle for less. People will start asking too much of you until you become stressed and angry with those around you.

You may alienate yourself from the people in your life. You can also potentially damage the relationships you plan to strengthen when you constantly say ‘yes’ to people.

5. “Healthy relationships are a balance of empathy and boundaries.”

No relationship can strive without a bit of selflessness and compromise.

You can’t be in a healthy relationship if you cannot find it in yourself to understand other people’s pain.

Empaths care more about other people than themselves. This can lead to excessive personal sacrifice or helping in a way that compromises your integrity.

And it will attract more selfish and ruthless people to you. That’s why you need to set your boundaries, to protect yourself from those who will take advantage of your goodness.

As a single woman, use this time to build yourself. Learn to be empathic and also set your boundaries to protect yourself from selfish people who come into your life to drain your energy.

Be kind to people, show compassion, and know that there are things that you cannot do in order to preserve integrity.

6. “I would rather not betray myself just to keep your love at any cost.”

True freedom comes from knowing you can do anything you want by yourself and be happy by yourself.

It’s in your loneliness that you learn to be your own best friend. Self-love is best cultivated when you have no one around, and singles have plenty of that time.

When you love yourself, you will have no reason to attach your happiness to someone else or compromise your values to please them.

You will be loyal to yourself because you know that you’re enough. You are complete with or without a partner.

If you’re seeing someone who thinks your world should revolve around them, that person is not good enough for you.

To protect yourself and have healthy relationships with others, you must learn to feel comfortable in your own company.

7. “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.”

Have you ever met somebody, and in just twenty minutes of interacting with them, you notice their honesty. It seems effortless to get to know them.

They are as open like a book — very transparent about themselves. Dating such people is easy. You know how they feel, think, and behave in a situation.

You know when they are hiding a problem behind a smile.

They openly express themselves when you offend them and show appreciation when you do things that please them.

Then there are people that you meet; they give you mixed vibes from day one. You wonder if they are this or that. You find it difficult to pinpoint what is good about them.

Dating this second group of people can be frustrating. There are times when I’m in a new relationship, my friends ask me, “so how is feel about xzy?” And I’m like “Huh! I don’t know.”

When someone likes you, they don’t pretend or try to hide their feelings. They express themselves genuinely. They don’t fake characters to please you. You just feel it by their actions and words.

But those who don’t like you will pretend a lot to make you fall in love with them. They will deceive you. Some days they act nice, other times they are horrible or indifferent.

As they say, action speaks louder than voice. People who do not like you will give you mixed feelings. You will wonder what it is you like about them.

This confusion keeps you stuck with them, which can be unhealthy for you.

8.“Just because it could’ve been different, doesn’t mean it would’ve been better.”

Sometimes it’s difficult to move on from a breakup. You keep playing different versions of “what ifs” in your head instead of focusing on healing.

You think if you had done things differently, you could have saved the relationship.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the truth is, no amount of “what ifs” can change the past.

The painful thing about making assumptions is that it has a 50/50 chance of turning out the way you want it to. The fact that you think you should have done something differently doesn’t necessarily mean that the situation would have turned out good.

Some people have left their job assuming they will find one better but ended you with a worse job than the previous one.

Some have left good partners only to end up with losers. So you have to understand that building your life around “what ifs” doesn’t always mean the alternative will be better.

But when you accept your mistakes for what they are and move on, you will meet opportunities that will be good or better in the future.

Your choices depend on what you want at that moment in life, which shapes your present and future, but not your past.

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About author

Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

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