8 Keys to Instant Glamour

There is a simple fact about human nature that shows that we all want to be liked. Don't be afraid to admit it. If we think about it, behind many of our actions, we are really looking for ways to validate ourselves and satisfy this desire to be liked.

Have you ever met someone and liked them immediately? You can't explain why, but you feel an affection and you want to do something to help. I'm not talking about sexual attraction, but genuine and innocent affection for another person.

In a job interview, if the interviewer likes you as a person, you're more likely to get hired. In a business environment, you are more likely to close the deal and be favored. In a personal situation, you may gain trust and loyal friendship.

When we decide we like someone, it's a mental process we can't articulate. It's no secret that we make decisions emotionally and justify them logically. So does this mean that we can influence emotional decisions that happen subconsciously?

I believe decisions will be affected. I know that the qualities of a likable person can be cultivated and positively developed. Do you want to know how to develop likeable skills?

My inspiration

I was helping my partner Adam prepare for an interview last night. At one point, I explained to him the power of mirroring to make other people feel more comfortable around you.

When I first heard about Mirroring, someone told me, "If you're afraid people will suspect you're Mirroring them, then you must be the kind of person who thinks people are listening to you." I mentioned this and we all laughed. I said, "Trust me, try it. It really does."

We discussed another topic, and he asked me a question about software usability testing. I continued to answer, and 10 minutes passed and I was still talking. It feels like I can't stop talking.

When I finally finished all the areas of software usability testing (including the excruciating details he wasn't interested in), he burst out laughing.

So, obviously, he used a mirror image of me. It worked. Amazingly, after just telling him, it worked for me. I didn't even know he was imitating me.

It occurred to me that liking abilities can actually be developed, just like many skills.

What are those skills?

In addition to being polite and respectful, we can pay special attention to some specific things. I'm not asking you to pretend, but pay attention to these things when you talk. Small things can have a big impact on how others perceive us.

1. The mirror

This simple technique was the inspiration for this article. Mirroring is the copying of a person's body movements, movements and facial expressions while having a conversation. You become a mirror image of someone else. (See Wikipedia.)

Mirroring occurs naturally in social interactions, but when you are aware of it and aware of its impact, it can be used as a tool for effective communication to generate rapport.

Reflecting closely on someone will make you feel what they feel (to some extent). During a seminar, I did an exercise in groups of three. One begins by imagining a scene; See, feel and experience the scene. The second person mimics the person's facial expressions and body posture. The third person adjusts the second person's facial expressions and body posture until he thinks they are the same. A few minutes later, a second person explained how she felt. The second person not only feels what the first person feels, but sometimes sees what the first person sees in his imagination. I tried it myself and it blew away.

The next time you have a conversation with someone, try to mimic body language, posture and facial expressions. You'll find that the conversation suddenly feels very friendly and open.

For example, you are sitting across someone's table. You watch them pick up a glass of water in their left hand and lean gently forward, then to the right. You hold your water glass in your right hand and lean forward and left to mirror them.

2. Remember names

On a personal level, I'm always impressed when other people I've just met remember my name and use it in sentences. Since birth, our parents, teachers, friends and family have hardwired the sound of our names into our brains. I'm sure it'll get your attention right away. It makes you feel important and respected and satisfies our desire for attention and love.

Think about the last time someone you just met broke up and said "Nice to meet you, [insert your name]!" Aren't you impressed? They are clearly interested enough to remember your name, and you want to show them the same respect.

Always try to remember people's names. Here are some tips to help.

3. Who are interested in

People like to talk seriously about themselves.

Ask questions that others will enjoy answering. If it's a complete stranger, start with the basics and dig deep. Rewrite their words to make sure you really understand what they're saying. You can think of this technique as verbal mirroring. By asking questions about their interests or feelings, you can reflect their interest in themselves.

When the other person answers, listen carefully. Only when you are listening can you really absorb what is being said and become truly interested. If you encounter a boring conversation, find the idea that interests you and refocus the conversation. Ask questions. Make it a game.

4. Allow others to talk

In addition to asking questions, it's also important to let the other person talk. That means, stop talking. Stop talking about yourself, stop interjecting, don't interrupt.

The next time you have a conversation, practice not saying anything after asking a question. This can mean not talking for a few minutes. Practice not speaking for 30 seconds, even if the other person seems to have finished speaking. Many times, the person is still thinking, actually pausing, and then starts talking again. By doing so, you will get more depth from that person.

Many girlfriends I know have an interruption problem, myself included. Pay special attention to this skill and you will be amazed at the wealth of thoughtful kindness from your partner. Being a patient listener is a great way to connect and get to know people.

Try it: Ask a question and zip it up. Listen and learn.

Intention to 5.

Signal your intention to get to know this person better, to really listen to them and serve them. I'm always amazed by the power of intention, which I believe is the seed that starts anything, whether it's a goal or a friendship.

Make a wish for each other. Send a positive message about your interaction.

6. Offer to help

With the exception of some extreme cases and parent-child relationships, we are mostly self-seeking and motivated by motives that benefit us. But let's face it, we spend most of our time searching for ourselves because it's a natural part of our survival instincts. Even if we are working for a good cause, we almost always have a reason to provide help that is beneficial to the individual.

We especially like people when they are genuinely helpful. Why is that? Offering to help is a kind gesture that implies respect and admiration for you. Isn't it advantageous to offer help to others when we put ourselves in their shoes?

I'm a firm believer in giving more than you get. And my personal motto: "To get what you want, first help others get what they want."

Find someone who has a need that you can provide. Give to help. Even a casual email offering help can make all the difference in how the person feels about you.

7. Smile

"Every time you smile at someone, it's an act of love,

It's a gift to that person. It's a beautiful thing."

~ Mother Teresa

Do you remember how you felt when you saw a genuine smile? Or standing awkwardly in an elevator full of strangers when suddenly someone smiles at you? It is truly contagious and transforms your state into a positive one.

Smile sincerely. Start by smiling at your friends. Try to cheer up a passing stranger.

Authenticity 8.

Any of these techniques can work on their own, but they only become very effective when combined with authenticity.

Always be sincere and be your whole self, no more, no less. When you're completely honest and speak from the heart, you give off an energy that people can't help but connect with. In that moment, you are pure, expressive, and exude your true self. When other people see and recognize that side of you, they really see a reflection of that part of themselves.