7 Best Ways on How to Handle an Abrupt Breakup & Heal Faster

I remember it was Saturday morning. I just got back from the gym — trying my best to make myself feel good. Because at that point, I barely communicated with him. However, I also realized that things already went south and as much as I tried to save the relationship, there’s no way we can go back to where we used to be.

Providing the relationship was built for a couple of years already, I was scared to death to call it off but I knew I’d lose myself if I didn’t.

Looking back over a year now, I’m so glad I did.

I’ve heard people saying that it’s hard to imagine yourself being alone again after you spent most of your time together with your partner. That’s why they tend to stay in the relationship even though they know they feel miserable day in and day out.

But then what’s the point of living? When all you get is just misery then you might as well better off alone. If you are currently going through a breakup — especially the abrupt one, here are things you can do to handle it and heal faster:

Make significant changes in your life

In the first week when I went through a breakup, I cut my hair really short and moved to a new apartment. A month later I decided to quit my job and move to Bali because I figured there are so many memories in the city and I emotionally couldn’t handle it.

While I don’t recommend you to do that kind of extreme stuff, making big changes in your life can bring you whole new energy in your life. There’s something that you can look forward to and you don’t solely focus on the memories you both had together.

Spend more time outside

I understand it might be tempting to just stay in bed the whole day, you get the right excuse to do so.

However, you aren’t letting your heart to heal faster because you’ll keep dwelling on the same stuff over and over again. While it’s okay to grieve but you also need to know when it’s time to pick yourself up and move on. And you already know it wouldn’t happen if you curl under the blanket re-reading your texts or staring at your album photos.

Spending time outside with other people, or with nature even, will make the heartache less painful because suddenly you feel like you still have lots of reasons to live. There are so many bigger things that you can think of or do rather than dwelling on your broken relationship.

Get a support system

I can’t stress how important it is to reach out to some of your best people during this period of time. You are at your most vulnerable self right now so the last thing you could do is to lock yourself inside the room and refuse any helps from others.

I’m lucky enough to have some good friends that would come over and keep me accompanied.

If you aren’t that type of person who doesn’t want to open up to others about your personal problems, I still suggest you reach out to your friends anyway.

The main reason is to get you involved in a conversation so you won’t just be caught up on your head with your own thoughts all the time.

You might also realize how many updates from your close friends that you have missed because you were too busy during your relationship.

Make yourself proud

When did the last time you create something that has nothing to do with your relationship and actually felt proud of it? If the answer is you aren’t sure, then maybe it’s time to block some time to do something you like.

Learn how to cook your favorite meals, try to dye your own hair, join a course on how to doodle — or anything really. Anything that can make you smile at the end of the process and forget how broken you’re for a moment.

Get to know new people

While I don't recommend jumping into a new relationship right away especially when you are still hurt, getting to know new people by joining a new community in your area is still necessary.

This will stop you from focusing too much on your past and be more present as much as you can. Not only you can start gaining new friendships but also you’ll appreciate your time more.

Change your playlist

No more sad songs on your playlist. I figured listening to gloomy mellow songs can be addictive when you are heartbroken. However, it’s important to protect your energy at all costs.

Listening to uplifting songs will motive you to get up in the morning and work on yourself, instead of crawling back and spending the whole day crying in your bed.

Here is some songs recommendation I have for you:

• Drake — Elevate
• Jess Glynne — Don’t be so hard on yourself
• Hoodie Allen — Believe
• Taylor Swift — I forgot you existed
• Kanye West — Runaway
• David Archuleta — Somebody out there
• Beyonce — Irreplaceable
• Kanye West — Follow God

Get rid of things that bring you sadness

Some people like to keep the things that remind them of their ex-partner. I personally don’t. I could be just writing on my desk and if I didn’t take out the album photo in front of me, I could have broken down at any moment.

And that’s just not healthy in the long term. If you really insist not to throw them away or put them in donation, try to collect them all and put them into a box. This to avoid unnecessary thoughts that hold you back from healing the pain.

Write a letter to yourself

Lastly, it’s worth writing a kind loving letter and sends it to yourself. Tell yourself that life isn’t over just because your relationship doesn’t work. You might feel really awful at the moment but always know that this painful moment is not gonna last forever.

By writing a letter during tough times, you can reflect back after a year or so. You’ll then be so grateful that you chose to let go and choose yourself. It’ll also be a kind reminder of how far you’ve become and how much work you put in order to heal the pain.

The Takeaways:

As Joseph Campbell ever said — “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

No one says letting go is easy, especially when you have all things planned out with your ex-partner. But you have to, otherwise, you’ll never get to experience the new life because you aren’t willing to make room for it.

I know how crazily painful a breakup can cause you. Your heart feels so heavy and all you see is darkness. It might take months or even years for you to feel like you have hopes for life again, depend on your willingness on working on these feelings.

And I hope you don’t let yourself down for too long. You might not see the reason why you should heal now but I promise you once you do, you’ll thank your old-self for being so mentally strong during those times.